Thighs Wide Movies 2013
2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman! Â so I’m not gay!). Â anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…
The Thirsteen Thirteen
1) Room 237
Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed. Â But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself
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2)Â The Wolf of Wall Street
It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother
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3)Â Her
Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!
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3)Â Captain Phillips
Taking hostages on screen AND off!!
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4)Â All Is Lost
A better silent movie than The Artist
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5)Â The Great Gatsby
A little party never killed nobody
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6)Â The Hunt
Mads for Mads Mikkelsen
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7)Â The Stories We Tell
Do Tell
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8)Â Salinger
Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of. Â But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???
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9)Â My Father and The Man In Black
Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son
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10)Â Spring Breakers
more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!!Â
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11)Â Short Term 12
All Brie, no cheeseÂ
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12)Â Cutie and The Boxer
Starving for attention artists in residence
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13)Â Our Nixon
Nixon bindess with pleasure!Â
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and now for the…
Honor Blackmanable Mentions
42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now
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wanna second opinion? Â future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in! Â
(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)
Best MoviesÂ
5. Short Term 12
4. The Wolf of Wall Street
3. Dallas Buyers Club
2. Captain Phillips
1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom
Runner up –
Fill the Void (Lemale et ha’halalrs) Â
‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies Â
5. Inside Llewyn Davis
4. The Book Thief
3. Don Jon
2. Upstream Color
1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)
Runner up –
The Sapphires
our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the OscarsÂ
until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere
Thighs Wide Music 2013
Yeezus aint got nuttin on or in our ears, cause this stuff did in 2013!!!
Al-bums Sharp-tons!!!
Album of the year / their career
Franz Ferdinand
Right Thoughts, Right Words, Right Action
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Lady minus Tron =
IT IS SO FCUKING ON!!!
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Marnie – Crystal World
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Soundtrack of The Year Decade
The Great Gatsby
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Punk’d Dafty
Daft Punk – Random Access Memories
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Tunses For Toonces
‘Scary Monsters and Nice Sprites’ by Skrillex | ‘Call On Me’ by Eric Prydz | ‘Get Lucky’ by Daft Punk | ‘Bullet’ by Franz Ferdinand | ‘Hard Out There’ by Lily Allen | ‘Tainted Love’ by Gloria Jones | ‘I Feel Love’ by Donna Summer | ‘I’m Ready’ by Kano | ‘The Perfect Life’ by Moby featuring Wayne Coyne | ‘Hearts On Fire’ by Marnie | ‘City Rising From The Ashes’ by Deltron 3030 featuring Mike Patton | ‘White Rabbit’ by Mayssa Karaa | ‘The Rain, The Park and Other Things by The Cowsills | ‘Ordinary Love’ by U2 | ‘Young And Beautiful’ by Lana Del Ray | ‘Colours’ by Electric Wave Bureau | ‘Song About A Grasshopper’ by Big Children’s Choir | ‘Stronger Than The Storm’ by BangÂ
[d-lode all in one handy zip!!!!!]
(look for ‘Click here to start download from sendspace’)
and a big boo to the one song that made me wish I didn’t have ears – ‘The Blue Umbrella Suite’ featuring Sarah Jaffe
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You Only Once Live!
show of the year -Â Franz Ferdinand @ Hammerstein
Fleetwood @ Mac Prudential Center Newark
Three Dog Night Empire City Casino at Yonkers Raceway
Beck @Â Prospect Park Bandshell
Global Citizen Festival @ Great Lawn – Central Park
Deltron 3030 @ Highline Ballroom
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Hear, Dare & Everywear
Who Are You?
the greatest song about a grasshopper ever done sung!!!!!!!!!
Tender Is The Day The Demons Go Away
The Who Concert DisasterÂ
this poster is juss WOW juss WOW juss WOW juss WOW!!!
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BADBYE :(
goodbye Sweet Lou
goodbye The Man-Zarek
goodbye The Mac Daddy
goodbye Safe Havens
goodbye Self-Toucher
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and here’s what we stuffed in the past
The Baz Age
The Great Gatsby
Old Sport Done Anew. Â Are You Game?
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 143 min
People be acting like they’ve never seen a Baz Luhrmann movie before, cause Baz Luhrmann Baz Luhrmanned the sh!t out of F Scott’s Fitzgerald’s The Great Gatsby.  Have a problem with the movie, well look no further than The Great Gatsby source material itself, cause it isn’t necessarily that great, at least when turned into a movie.  It has basically failed every time someone tried doing so.  And if you’ve ever seen the Robert Redford-Mia Farrow 1974 snooze-fest, you know that Gatsby needed a shot of adrenaline, and who better to deliver that shot than Bazzy Baz Luhrmann, who splashes in a hefty dose of pizzazz & confetti (I mean, check out that ’74 snoorer all Bazzzed up in this reduxed trailer ).  Fact – I love Baz Luhrmann.  Fact – I read Gatsby last year and really didn’t think much of it.  Fact – Baz made Gatsby eggzactly how I thought he would.  Fact – if you don’t like Baz Luhrmanned flicks you probably won’t like his Gatsby.  So if you hate things that are fun and awesome, and looks like the party of the year that you wish you could attend, WITH the soundtrack of the year, then don’t see Baz’ Great Gatsby
but that cast. Â THAT CAST!!!
Leonardo DiCaprio is dashing, old sport, but like AO Scott said about his ‘overdone accent‘, I too ‘wish he would try a performance without one, though‘
Tobey Maguire is not an actor but a deer in headlights, always starring blankly ahead, with a wry smile, but his work is serviceable enuff as our humble narrator Nicky C
Carey Mulligan makes me want to mulligan all over myself again and mulligan and gan.  What Gatsby?  More like how many times did she make my weenie gaspy
Joel Edgerton has an edge to his rton, and an awesome mustache + he’s Owen Lars, and his dad Cliegg Lars is in the movie too (although never sharing a screen moment)!!!
Isla Fisher is barely in the movie, but her boobs jiggle enuff to keep her on our mindsz
Jason Clarke was in Zero Dark Thirty as the main black site interrogator, but in this movie he looks like he’s the one getting his a$$ handed to him.  This guy’s good
Amitabh Bachchan is a handsome Indian man
Elizabeth Debicki is a handsome Australian woman who reminds me of Cate Blanchett, in a more flappertastic/faptastic tastic way
Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers
Gatsby is Baztastic in a theater near jews
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…