Thighs Wide Shut

Has it ever been your wet dream for Martika (‘Toy Soldiers’, vid in English OR live in Spanish!), Fergie (Kristen Johnston‘s alias in Black Eyed Peas), Rudy from The Monster Squad and several other youthsters from Kids Incorporated to sing Limahl of Kajagoogoo fame’s ‘The Neverending Story‘ [vid] AND Cyndi Lauper‘s of Cpt Lou offspring fame’s ‘The Goonies R Good Enough‘ [vid, which includes Steven Spielberg in hipster clothing]? Well, shiz happened on Episode 15: ‘The Phantom of the P*lace’ of Kids Inc‘s ’85 season (‘Somebody’s Watching Me’ was also played). I couldn’t find him in the vid below, but there’s a good chance that Mario Lopez/AC Slater was prancin around the set somewhere

[Nipsy Newbsy]
and although the Kids Inc theme song was purty darn dope, nutin can touch 3-2-1 Contact‘s shazzle bedazzle [vid|wav]!!

P.T.F.O.
2
Brando’s pintsize costar
slash
Pedro’s lucky midget
slash
the long lost triplet
of everyone’s flavorite
twin douche bags
Nelson de la Rosa

1968 – 2006

addish p.t.f.o.s go out to the Live & Let Die gator, and to an ironic pair, an actress from the OG House of Wax and Spoony Singh, who founded Hollywood’s wax museum

schlappy 5th B-day to PTI, arguably the greatest sports TV show since 1959’s Home Run Derby, which is greatly lackin in internets love

Damon Albarn and co debuted their latest project The Good, The Bad, & The Queen in a tiny lil pub. Peep this clip of them performing, with Albarn off screen, ‘Herculean’ [d]

given listenage to 4 of the hot new tracks from The Who’s Endless Wire disc, their first release since 1982!! I don’t think I ever gottsen around to writing up a review for their show that I saw at MSG last month, but sirprizing lee the new tunes bode millered well against their back catalog

George McFly, the Retrocrush Interview

my girl Garvey looks mighty groovy dolled up in 06’s hottiest H’ween costume

[+ Pinder’s December UK Maxim pics]
They’re rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrracist!

Fast Food Nation screenings for sum

The Simpsons Treehouse of Horror I-XVI

How did popcorn become a popular snack at movie theaters?

Marion Barry drops the white balls for the yellow ones [Steiner]

bestest blog name since Double Dumb A$$ On You: Rich Kotite Banged Your Mom (peep their ‘Jerseys To Avoid‘ ditty) [Hisconsin]

the return of NSFW YTMD fun: The Neverending Ass [Roll Left Co]

and the Borat flick (watch the first 4 minutes of it IF u muss) pree-shmeared in LA LA land last nite complete with all the Kazak trimmins one would eggspect. So for the man behind the mustache, the real question is what’s next? Apparently more of the same, but with 99 purr scent less fermented horse urine and pubis hair. And you didn’t axe for them, (dave) butz yer shirley gonna get em… even mo deleted Borat scenes!!!

Poseidon
Can You Say BOOseidon? How Bout Das BOO?
Trailers

My biggest fault with Titanic is that there’s way too much character development (read: too much Billy Zane) and the ship’s sinking occurs weigh too late in the film for my interest to be piqued, unlike when I get interested in a thick booger I pique outta my nose. So when I see a disaster flick deez days, I want the character development sprayed with Windex and thrown out the winda and the action to begin ASAPjackson. Well, I guess I’ll have to retract that statement as Poseidon does juss that, and sucks deeper than a J Edgar Hoover vaac all over Edward’s Penishands [NSFW, shlOBVSng!]. The writing was all over the wall-rus on dis one. And what’s that writing? Co-starring zzzz-inducing Emmy Rossum. Outside of gettin whacked in the highly overrated Mystic River Pizza, she’s starred in more dreck (although Day After Tomorrow is her disaster Citizen Kane) than the future straight-to-video releases of Shrek V – XXVMILX (and oh, don’t you worry, when Mike Myers and whateverhernameis calls it quits, that shit will fly off the shelves like the flies of the boy’s in the girl’s bathroom/the meadow in Miss Lucy’s clap-a-thon that every 4th grade girl you knew knew). Shame on you Wolfgang Petersen!! You direct two eggsalad water-logged-pre-blog flicks, Das Boot and The Perfect Storm, and u eggspect the charm to work a third time? More like TERD time you Wolfgang PUCK SUCKS!! Grow some balls and try something else, eh? Or at least stop molesting Barret Oliver, yer Die Unendliche Geschichte aka The Neverending Story wunderkind!

Recommended for those who like: the world’s wurstest child actor, Lars Schlichting‘s roomie, and White Flint’s elevators

Possible Porno Name: Ho Slides Her Hand In My Calvins

Unsatisfied with this? Although I missed it when it was on, Netflix TV’s The Poseidon Adventure [trailers], cause anything that combines the wit of Mahoney, the gut of Robocop, and reunites the two principle Hitcher actors has got to be mo entertaining that this

Apt MPupil3: ‘Tricky Wipeout’ by Run DMC vs The Surfaris [d]

IMDb Sweeney: Jack Baur was the casting director for the original versh. Word booty has it that after he mcnabbed the (sorta) cast of a lifetime, he kim RAVERed til dawn

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

The Only Thing That Wasn’t An Eyesore: Mía Maestro

ABC AXES
INVASION

THIGHMASTER
VOWS VENGEANCE
and
VOWS TO EAT COWS

BUT WILL THE CW
SAVE THE DAY?

and flubs course, this can only mean one thing…

How dare they do what they do did. One of televenison’s mos bestest and underappreciated shows will go the way of Drexell’s Class, the one year wonder rubbish bin, after the season/series finale airs this Thursday. SHAME SHAME SHAMUS!!! This show was groundbreaking, earthshattering, neptuneshattering, uranusshattering, like a giant dildo in yer anus!! I cannot recall one single program in the history of the we-tube that had a dude with a perma-5 o’lock shadow with a hot-ass brunette wife and an even hottier-arsed blond ex-wife with a girl that looks like a monkey who showed Bill Murray her b-day suit [NSFW] with a dude with a 9-head with a kid who looks like Jack White as a kid with a guy who could totally pass for a Mog in certain circles.

Guns n’ Roses bloom again in the 1st 2 outta 4 NYC showz. I regretfully missed the Metallica/GNR tour back in the ’92, so I’m trying to make up for it by going to the bastardization version 2nite at Hammerstein. I’ll be sure to bring a pillow, since Axl probably won’t show up til 3am…. when KLF usually rocks us [vid]. Bi they gay, I’d never heard of this song b4, but I’m total cereal lovin KLF’s ‘Doctorin’ The Tardis’ [vid | d]

Initial VV Siren Fest line-up announced. Even if Jesus was playing with Hedrix AND Moses and wit Matt Sorum on drums, I’d still spend my entire day smokin doobies on the Wonder-Wheel, hittin up the battling cages, and digesting anything with bacon at indigestion land

Dude, Mandy Moore grows super fly by the minute rice AND she likes Jewish boys with good senses of humors! I know she’s talking about Zack Boo, but I think she’s secretly fingering herself in my image. Or at least that’s what my 4th personality told me.

Anderson Coops goes 420, but not that 420. When will he break out his Nash board and go all 720° on us? And why the spigs do 60 Mins keep adding correspondents? They shoulda kept 60 Mins 2 for all the 2nd rate scrubs they have on board. Speaking of, where the jim fassel has Steve Hartman and his jerkassedness been?

[MFH]
The lean, and now the wink? WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?! Hopefully it involves a lot of bending over and women

Optimus Prime time

I’m sure you didn’t see it in del previous post, cause yer sick of reading movie reviews, but… Corey Haim movie trailers

‘Chanukah’s da Bomb’ [vid] by Alan Dershowitz‘ mos flavorite band that’s appearing on the Kidzapalooza stage at Lollapalooza, Chutzpah

I know this is like 17 years too late, but I forgot how slow Martika’s ‘Toy Soldiers’ [vid|d] waz, after many a repeated thighpod listenings to Eminem’s version [d]. Howevs, I will never forgot the last trioing of powerhouse actors Wil Wheaton, Keith Coogan, and Samwise

Strangers With Candy: The Music

They say heavan is place on earth, but this shiz below is outta this world, as well as control. So much so, that I wish I could borrow dem wheels for 12 minutes and have me a 5some with Falkor/Mischa and Sasha/Childlike P in the back of this baby!!

[mo snaps vis Chaoss]
Save Buddy’s buddies

CelebFavorites.com, cause everyone really needs to know which Thomas Edison Museum Brittany Murphy frequents

The Deal Or Now Deal models

You Say Toby, I Say Tobey

Lily Allen’s mos bored fan, in VIDEO FORM!

One Love, Stay Puft

Moustache May [Precogz]

Super Ma
rio 1, now with 100% more Bullet Bill! [Go! Rilla]

для тех, кто не был в Воронеже, выкладываю шесть фото меня в составе косплей-группы по Samurai Champloo

‘Hail to the Chief’ played on the hands [Dat Nguyen]

Enema Recipes [Denver Bronchitis]

And if it was possible for two fictional men to have a child, I’d select President Logan and Miles Papazian to be the true My Two Dads. Hell, I love Miles and his last name so much, I’ll father the effin anti-Christ child!

Inspired by the WaPo and sorta by the Bruno skit where one has to choose between giving Jack Black candy or cancer, I ice man giveth to you, what will be in the mix in ’06, besides Raymi

OUT	IN
Peter Jackson	Jack Peterson
Squeezable Mayo	Squeezable Relish
Dime Bags	Penny Loafers
Poo	Poop
Eli Manning	Taryn Manning
Beta Testing	Betamax
Mock Turtlenecks	Ookla the Mok
Big Bang Theory	Gang Bang Theory
SXSW	NXNW
Mark Cuban	Cubano Sandwiches
The Truffle Shuffle	The Ickey Shuffle
Steven Soderbergh	Sod
S&L	SNL
Blogs	The Troggs
Rachael Ray	Paula Deen
Neighborhoodies	Footies
Pink	Black
Cliff Engle	Cliff Notes
Gay Cowboys	Gay Redskins
Da Da Vinci Code	646 Area Code
TMs	BMs
Vagina	China
Books On Tape	Tape On Books
Prof McGonagall	Prof Plum
Rumors On The Internets	Rumors On The Brailles
Tomkat/Bennifer/Brangelina	Bosom
Dakota Fanning	Ariel Gade
Ghanaria	Hare Rama, Diorama
July	April
Arnold Palmers	Shirley Temples
Handrying	Receiving Bacon
Barnes & Noble	Borrowing From The Library
Cheryl Hines	Ciarán Hinds
LOL	El Al
Jesus	Arslan
Grey’s Anatomy	Gray’s Papaya
Andy Rooney	Ed Rooney
Hating Jews	Hating Jews
Pixar	Flip Books
Sio Bibble	Wearing Bibs
Nip Slips	Slit Nips
The OC	The REAL OC
Tapas Bars	Topless Bars
Sofia Lidskog	Kelly Miyahara
Saving Africa	Singing ‘Africa‘
Ben Stein	Palestine
The Walrus Was Paul	The Walrus Was Mike Holmgren
Brunch	Flunch
Regifting	Ree-Yees
Rusty Trombones	Rusty Kuntz
David Keith	Keith David
Recockulous	Retaintulous
Flizzm Jizzum	Russian Dressing
Oompa Loompas	Koopa Troopas
The Neverending Baseball Season	The Neverending Story II
Sufjan Stevens	‘Suffragette City‘
Microwaved Tunafish	Microwaved Gefilte Fish
Alba’s Ass	Alba’s Abs