been seeing less new movies and more old movies, cause old movies rule, but new movies are still good, cause there are so many bad ones that the good ones rise to the top of the toilet.  out of what I saw, I giveth to you, for 2012, the bestest of the bestestesttest…

The Nifteen Fifteen

1) Zero Dark Thirty

This century has just been awful awful awful, and Kathryn Bigelow & Mark Boal’s second stab at being social studies teachers feels like the perfect closing chapter to all the awfulness.  Awfulness, go away or else I’ll throw a seal team at you and you will be all minus one even darker thirty billion!!!

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2) Searching For Sugar Man

THEY FOUND HIM!!!!  If this story doesn’t warm your heart, then it’s time to donate it.  Seriously, my life AND ears were changed for the better after seeing this doc, cause now I have the music of Rodriguez in ’em.  PLEASE let it do the same for you.  PLEASE,  I BEG OF YOU

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3) Silver Linings Playbook

Never thought much of Bradley Cooper or Katniss Everdeen as actors before, or even the Philadelphia Eagles as anything other than a team that sucks.  It’s OK to be wrong.  WAY WRONG!!!

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4) Beasts of The Southern Wild

MOVIE MAGIC LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HUSHPUPPY FOR BEST ACTRESS/PRESIDENT/SUPER BOWL CHAMPION!!!!

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5) the Sonmi~451 storyline of Cloud Atlas

If only Tykwer & the Wachowski Brothers/Sisters cut out the rest of the Cloud Atlas storylines and made a singular movie out of the ‘Orison of Sonmi~451’ tale, cause it might MIGHT MIGHHHT juss have been the best movie that any of thems had ever made.  I have seen the future and it is smoking hot bobbed Korean clone slaves!!!!!

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6) Prometheus

My only complaint with this movie was having to listen to everyone else’s complaints about this movie.  So what if the guy put in his hand in the goo?  That guy sucked and got what was coming to him.  That should happen to all the haters of this movie.  As for the lovers?  They get to love the movie, and that’s more than enuff, cause this movie is RAD!!!

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7) Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry

China is fcuked up. Ai Weiwei is fcuking awesome

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8) Beware of Mr Baker

More like – be aware of Ginger Baker.  DO IT!!!  Sunshine of his Love AND Hate!!

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9) The Impossible

you see Naomi Watts’ breasts AND it’s not hot AT all.  NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL CINEMA!!!

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10) Robot & Frank

Finally, someone made a movie about Frank Langella becoming friends with an Omnibot 2000!!!!

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11) The Perks of Being a Wallflower

John Hughes is smiling/crying beyond the grave

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12) 21 Jump Street

TV to big screen done right.  Please make 21 more of these peas

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13) Chronicle

The best super hero flick of the year had ZERO to do with Lord Messiah Joss Whedon

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14) Frankenweenie

sometimes Tim Burton is capable of making things that don’t suck

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15) Project X

a different kind of monkeying around movie.  PARTY ON COSTA!!

 

 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

(in the reverse order that I saw them…)

This Is 40 (Apatow’s first REALLY funny movie!) / West of Memphis (north of incredible) / Amour (there was no better French old lady slowly decaying movie in 2012!!!) / Wreck-It Ralph (Pixar who?) / The Sessions (sexy unsexy sex!) / Wuthering Heights (haunting, cause we’re still haunted by still not knowing what ‘Wuthering’ means) / Looper (LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER!) / Compliance (dude, Dreama Walker in an apron, and nothing else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) / Step Up Revolution (Peter Gallagher is watching you) / The Queen of Versailles (stinky rich) / Chernobyl Diaries (it was so refarted, and yet here we is, still thinking about it half a year later) / Men In Black 3 (seriously, this movie is so much fun, and sweet, and kinda funny!) / The Dictator (SBC proves he can work with a script) / Trishna (d’Urbervillicous!) / Marley (& me AND you AND everyone we and he knows) / The Three Stooges (OMG, this didn’t suck!!!!!!!!) / Bully (that poor kid with the fish lips) / Michael (hide your kids)

 

our anal-ual movie awards, THE THIGHSMANS, will hit the air-wavvvves right around Oscar time.  so stay pooned!

 until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

The Perks of Being a Wallflower
Not Not Another Teen Movie
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 102 min

So there’s this known 1999 book by Stephen Chbosky called The Perks of Being a Wallflower.  He didn’t think anyone could do movie justice to it, so he made the dang movie himself.  HOW FCUKING AWESOME (and risky) IS THAT!??!?!?!?!  Others authors have done such a thing before, but none of them have hit the mark quite like SC does with his own book turned movie.  Why?  Cause this movie gets high school and high schoolers and the lows and highs of being a high schooler in high school 101% correctamundo.  If you’ve ever attended a high school, you should see this movie and you will see something of yourself in it, whether you were the jock, the joke, the pretty girl, the ugly girl (all boys are ugly), the dork, the geek, the misfit or any other stereotype we didn’t think of!  It’s true!  This movie is an adolescent treasure in the vein of John Hughes type stuffs!!!  And there’s not many recent teen movies you could say such things of!  Sure, Mean Girls was thighlarious, but it was too unrealistic, and the incredible doc American Teen was juss tooooo real, fo reals, yo, even though the poster ate its BREAKFAST in a CLUB!

Logan Lerman is our title wallflower and he’s so awkward that flowers and walls stay away from him!  He’s going thru a lot of sh!t, but luckily he lands into the laps of new friends Ezra Miller & Emma Watson, who help move him away from the wall, and let his flower bloom, which they do by teaching him about cool music and let him try drugs and girls and fun!  And there’s also Mae Whitman, who’s great, cause she is.  And then there’s the wallflower’s sister Nina Dobrev, who’s so hot that incest would be allowed, but it’s not that kinda of a movie, and that’s OK.  Even Paul Rudd‘s in this movie, in a minor, BUT important role, as a teacher who encourages reading!!  And there are other people in this movie and they are great, CAUSE THIS IS WHAT HIGH SCHOOL IS/WAS LIKE!!!  Cause believe it or snot, we were once a teeny bit of a wallflower teen, but then we found best friends and had the best times and then we all went our own separate ways for college, and stuff, and things, but high school memories WILL NEVER DIE!!!!!!!  like Goonies!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Wallflower BLOOMS at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…