Tag Archives: The Wolf of Wall Street

Thighs Wide Movies 2013

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2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman!  so I’m not gay!).  anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…

 

The Thirsteen Thirteen

 

1) Room 237

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Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed.  But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself

2) The Wolf of Wall Street

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It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother

3) Her

her

Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!

3) Captain Phillips

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Taking hostages on screen AND off!!

4) All Is Lost

all is lost

A better silent movie than The Artist

5) The Great Gatsby

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A little party never killed nobody

6) The Hunt

the hunt

Mads for Mads Mikkelsen

7) The Stories We Tell

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Do Tell

8) Salinger

salinger

Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of.  But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???

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9) My Father and The Man In Black

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Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son

10) Spring Breakers

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more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!! 

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11) Short Term 12

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All Brie, no cheese 

12) Cutie and The Boxer

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Starving for attention artists in residence

13) Our Nixon

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Nixon bindess with pleasure! 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

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42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now

wanna second opinion?  future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in!  

(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)

Best Movies 

5. Short Term 12

4. The Wolf of Wall Street

3. Dallas Buyers Club

2. Captain Phillips

1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Runner up –

Fill the Void (Lemale et ha’halalrs)  

‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies  

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

4. The Book Thief

3. Don Jon

2. Upstream Color

1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)

Runner up –

The Sapphires

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

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The Great Gaspy

The Wolf of Wall Street
The Mighty Jordan Belfortification 
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 179 min

wold of wall street

 made Goodfellas, arguably one of the greatest films ever made (I say even better than The Godfathers!), then directed a bunch of other stuff that wasn’t as grrrrrrrrrreat, then dropped Casino on us, which was not AS grrrrrrrrrreat great as Goodfellas was is, but what movie really is????, but it was so fcuking RAWesome and so close to being as grrrrrrrrrreat, but then he did a bunch of other movies that were good, but nothing like either of those two grrrrrrrrrreat and almost AS grrrrrrrrrreat masterpieces.  Well, the 18 year wait has paid off with The Wolf of Wall Street, which is not AS grrrrrrrrrreat as Casino, but oh so fcuking close to being so, and oh so fcuking RAWesome in its own right.  Bless you Marty.  BLESS YOU!!!!!!!!!

If you don’t know by now, Wolf is the VERY true story of , a small time scheming stockbroker who hit it big, at the expense of his clients.  Then lost it big, at the expense of those who helped him get there.  Jordan lived a life of BEYOND excess, and the film, adapted by  from Belfort’s two books, displays this excess, and is excessive itself – clocking in at 1 minute under 3 hours!!!  And yet, not a single one of those manic, lude-filled minutes is wasted, even if Belfort, in the form of , is wasted for about 96% of the movie  

Earlier this year, we saw DiCaprio live the extravagant life of another Long Island schemer, from another Wall Street friendly era, as the title Jay guy in Baz Luhrmann’s equally spastic The Great Gatsby. He was mainly reserved, with the energy and anger welled up, and his performance was udderly fantastic.  In Wolf, he’s the same guy, cept there’s nothing being reserved.  It’s all out on the table, being snorted, and then some (candle in the butt!!!) – marking DiCaprio’s single greatest performance (and dancing, see gif below) to date, which is some feat considering the list of unforgettable performances he’s handed in (Arnie from What’s Eating Gilbert Grape, Howard Hughes in Marty’s The Aviator, and Mr Hoover in Eastwood’s underpraised/loved J Edgar)

Anywho, DiCaprio aint alone in making this a Scorsese pic score and a must sese.  There’s his right-hand toothy man who does his in-office dirty work -  (this kid can’t fail), his other right-hand man who does his out-of-office dirty work -  (perfect as a meathead muscle), bitchy trophy wife -  (being VERY NSFWlicious), dad  (Rob fcuking Reiner!!!), the wolf hunting FBI agent -  (LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing his face on the big screen), sleazy mentor –  (remember when he wasted his and our time starring in endless crappy movies?), swifty Swiss banker -  (The Artist CAN talk), and every single one of Belforts underlings (with names changed to protect godknows who), and in particular, the bespectacle and bestpect-o-cool 

Wolf is like a third-rate Goodfellas, which means it’s a first rate picture of this year, which means it’s one of the best of 2013.  TEEN WOLF THAT SHIZ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show Wolf is howls at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

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