Tag Archives: Thighs Wide Movies

Thighs Wide Movies 2024

Being a father has given me so much. Although for the first few years of this incredible duty and journey, it robbed me of my once great passion of seeing movies. Alas, I pushed movie-going on my daughter about as early as I could, and now she’s beyond game to go, although we’re not quite ready for a repertory screening of A Clockwork Orange quite yet. I was able to see over ten new movies in 2024, which means I can finally create a list of the “best” that I saw. Enjoy!

10. Harold and The Purple Crayon

This movie made a major mistake by not being a fully animated one, and thus robbing us of the wonder of Harold drawing his way in and out of trouble. Still, Zachary Levi brings a winning goofiness as the boy leaping off the page, who ultimately has to deal with a deliciously devious Jemaine Clement.

9. Alien: Romulus

Rare movie seen without my kid, and not sure how this was the one I choose, but I enjoyed it for what it was, essentially a typical Alien movie where humans never stood a chance. What I particularly liked about this one was seeing Ian Holm’s face again, and the wild facial expressions being expressly expressed by actor David Jonsson.

8. Moana 2

It was basically Moana 1 all over again, although somehow Moana quadrupled the amount of facial expressions she made in the first movie, and somehow tried to outdo Alien: Romulus’ David Jonsson’s manic facial expressions. The highlight of this movie were the songs, and I’m always happy to ask Alexa to play the Rock’s killer track, “Can I Get A Chee Hoo?” A Moana 3 is a no-brainer to happen, but how can they come up with something new when it will probably just be another sea journey to fight some gigantic sea monster? It’s like Harry Potter all over again.

7. Inside Out 2

The writers of the Inside Out movies are so fcuking clever. They really are. All the mind games and brainy puns to use, coupled with excellent voice work of Amy Poehler as Joy trying to tame the insanity of Maya Hawke’s Anxiety. This movie actually ended up being a little too stressful to watch for the whole family, and I’m not sure I believe that Riley would EVER break into her coach’s office. Again, a third installment is a no-brainer, but I’m starting to grow a little tired of the mainly darkened insides of Riley’s mind. Perhaps Joy can spread her wings by escaping into the outside world? Btw — my kid told me I had to go as Embarrassment for Halloween, joining her as Joy, and the Mrs as Disgust.

6. Flow

Might I interest you in a Latvian-animated film with no words? There are almost no words to describe this epic journey of a movie that finds a cat awash in problems, and banding together with other animals to stay afloat. The animation is a bit different than were accustomed to, but the story’s strength of camaraderie for survival has real heart to it. I guess there WERE words to describe it.

5. Mufasa

I think they already made a “live-action” Lion King movie already, and if they did I didn’t see it. I did see Mufasa, and after doing so, it’s easy to say that this is how you make an excellent prequel to a beloved movie. If only George Lucas could have found such depth, adventure, and fun when creating his “Star Wars” prequels. Mufasa is a visual splendor, with the animals’ faces capturing both animal-like motions, and human-like talking and emotions. I just wonder, is anything I saw on screen actually real, or essentially a cartoon made by a computer made to look real. 🤷‍♂️

4. My Penguin Friend

Although he had played assassins in the last, Jean Reno always give them a sympathetic heart that turned into the pulse of the movie. In this movie, he has a broken heart and it’s mended by a lost penguin that takes refuge in his and his wife’s rustic beachy home. The penguin eventually migrates each year, but comes back to visit Reno’s again and again. This movie hit the sweet spot, and is made even better by the fact that it’s based on a too good to be true story!

3. Robot Dreams

It’s the 80s, and a lonely dog finds companionship with a mail-order robot. While some hilarity ensues between the two, a lot of touching melancholy fills the rest of this cartoon’s space in just a super wonderful movie to behold. Like Flow, this one skimps on dialogue, but more than makes up for it by speaking to the viewer emotionally.

2. Wicked

I had never seen the musical “Wicked,” so had zero attachment to it before settling in for 2 hours 45 minutes. Even after laughing at the dumbness of the school being called Shiz University, I was completely captivated by this expanded world of Oz from start to finish. Cynthia Ervo brings real pathos (I hate that word, but alas) to her outcast Elphaba character, but the real star of this is Ariana Grande’s Glinda. The screen loves her, as she gives it her all in every scene, as she acts and sings her guts out, while running and dancing around each magical set. Can’t wait for Wicked 2!

1. Piece by Piece

Lego movies are easy home runs because they contain Legos, and their storytelling possibilities are endless. Telling the story of multi-hyphenate Pharrell Williams’ life in the form of Lego bricks, with help from director Morgan Neville, was not only a stroke of genius, but the greatest movie going experience I engaged in for all of 2024. My kid loved it so much, particularly the McDonald’s sequence, that we saw it twice in theaters. My favorite part — a Lego recreation of the music video for Wreckx-n-Effect’s “Rump Shaker.” Never in my life’s wildest imagination would I ever believe the bikini-clad woman playing a sax on the beach would have ever been Lego-sized. Bless you “Piece by Piece.” Also, the soundtrack is A++++++

__

Other thoughts — although it was nice to see the band back together, a second “Beetlejuice” proved unnecessary. Why did they have to suck the life out of Winona’s Lydia Deetz’ character? She was the pulse of the original, and they flatlined her. My daughter prefers the Steve Carell version of “Everybody Wants to Rule the World” from “Despicable Me 4” over the Tears For Fears original. I may actually prefer Jack Black’s “Hit Me Baby (One More Time)” from “Kung Fu Panda 4” over Britney’s original. I give Joe Krysydyzelskkki credit for letting the ideas run rampant in his imaginary friend “IF” flick, but how family friendly is a movie if one parent is dead and the other on their way to being dead? Nice try Jim.

And the worst movie I saw in theaters in 2024 is “Gracie & Pedro: Pets to the Rescue!” While the dog mildly resembled house favorite Skye from Paw Patrol, this movie was a fcuking eyesore. It made the animation in the Dire Straits video for “Money For Nothing” look like Vincent Van Gogh if he ran Pixar. The abso worst!

One final note — blessed to call NY home for so many reasons, and one I’ve always loved is the amount of movie theaters showing repertory screenings. Where else could my daughter see such old delights on the big screen like Sleeping Beauty, Bambi, Aladdin, The Rescuers Down Under, and An American Tail: Fievel Goes West

1 Comment

Thighs Wide Movies 2016

I’m never getting around to seeing Fences or Lion, so here’s…

Dwelve Into These Twelve
of 2016

1) Tower

tower-doc

A real life tragic event gets Waking Lifed, and it’s not only scary and horrific, but hopeful AND inspiring!

2) I Am Not Your Negro

What it’s like to be an African-American in America (when you’re white and have no clue what it’s like).  It raises all sorts of important questions that no one is really asking, or sadly, bothering to answer

3) Patriots Day

An event I didn’t plan on reliving ended up making me feel proud to be an American… in a time I’m ashamed to be an American

4) 20th Century Women

It’s like listening to The Talking Heads for the very first time – WOAH!

5) The Founder

Sometimes it takes some awful in humans to make greatness, and greasiness for us all!

6) The Light Between Oceans

light between oceans

Perhaps the year’s most overlooked movie that had ‘Oscar bait’ written all over it.  You no longer have to take the bait to something that no longer is baiting you, and it’s time for you to no longer overlook this film!

7) Bleed For This

bleed-for-this

if Miles Teller bleeds – I will come!

8) Embrace of the Serpent

I apparently never reviewed Serpent, but you need to Embrace this film – which puts the ‘lonely’ in ‘coLONELYialism’!

9) Streit’s: Matzo and the American Dream

streits matzo doc

All things must pass – even the Lower East Side’s last remaining matzah factory, and with it, a part of Jewish culture and identity in America :( 

10) Hell or High Water

hell-or-high-water-mustaches

Why choose when you can have BOTH hell AND high water!!!

11) Sully

sully

Dude is mad fly!

12) Raiders!: The Story of the Greatest Fan Film Ever Made

raiders dudes

These guys lived out their childhood dreams, in childhood, and finished them in their adulthood!  Fedora hats off forever to these dudes!!

–

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

Elstree 1976 / Snowden / Rouge One / Love & Friendship / The Witch / Jackie / La La Land / Toni Erdmann / Jheronimus Bosch, Touched by the Devil / Doctor Strange / the first 2/3rds of Moonlight / Indignation / The Lobster / Me Before You / Bridget Jones’s Baby / My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

1 Comment

Thighs Wide Movies 2015

1) Deli Man

deli man

I never reviewed this documentary, cause I saw it on a plane, and I usually don’t review movies I’ve seen on planes.  It was the perfect plane movie, but it was also the perfect movie movie – it was funny, and entertaining, and informative, and it actually made me cry – tears of joy.  It also made me proud to be Jewish, and reminded me what I value most of my Judaism – tradition thru food, and how we must never lose either.  Levy’s Rye said you didn’t have to be Jewish to love their bread, and the same is true of this documentary.  Bless you Ziggy Gruber – you are the Jewish Ziggy Stardust

there were plenty of other grrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat films in the ’15 of 2000, but instead of ranking them against one another, this year I’m juss gonna lump them together, saying they all grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrreat – in reverse alphabetical order…

 

Straight Out of Compton

nwa

if Paul Giamatti is your movie’s main a$$hole, and your soundtrack is NWA, you have a surefire hit

Star Wars – The Force Awakens

force awakens

JJ Abrams may have played it safe, leaning on the past, but that’s what the people wanted, and he gave us stuff we didn’t even know we wanted – a Rey of hope for the future  

George Lucas who?

Spotlight

spotlight

it’s the Zodiac of priest abusing children movies!!

Son of Saul

son of saul

imagine the intensity of Saving Private Ryan, but strip the patriotism and cheese, set it in and around a concentration camp, and let the horror destroy your senses – yes the würst date movie of 2015 is also one of its best!

The Search For General Tso

search general tso

a MUST for anyone who eats Chinese food in America (aka, every American)

The Martian

who said Ridley Scott needed aliens to make space wonder-full?

Maps To The Stars

maps to the stars

I had to pick one fcuked up movie to make my list, so why not the one that says incest is best/würst!!!

Mad Max – Fury Road

I mean the guy with the flamethrower guitar was the tamest part of the movie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Joy

this is the movie American Hustle should have been, but wasn’t, but this is Joy, and Joy was all American, all hustle, and all awesome

The Intern

schmaltz-o ball soup for the soul.  I SLURPPED IT UP BIG TIME.  can’t wait to watch it on cable for eons to come!!

The Death of Superman Lives, What Happened?

superman lives

the (second) greatest doc ever made about the (second) greatest film never made 

(the first was last year’s #1)

Creed

some things DO get better with age

Brooklyn

they say they don’t make movies like they used to, but they wrong.  they should say they should make more movies like this

Black Mass

Deep as Whitey gave me a bulger in my pants

The Big Short

finally, a movie about the economic collapse that doesn’t make you want to take a coll-nap

Amy

too bad the title Trainwreck was wasted on another movie

 

–

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

honor blackman sean

Vacation / While We’re Young / Tomorrowland / Steve Jobs / Rosenwald / Room / Pitch Perfect 2 / Kingsman: The Secret Service / It Follows / Iris / Furious 7 / Ex Machina / The Danish Girl

–

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

3 Comments

Thighs Wide Movies 2013

Thighs-Wide-Movies-2013-c

2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman!  so I’m not gay!).  anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…

 

The Thirsteen Thirteen

 

1) Room 237

scatman calumet tang 237

Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed.  But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself

2) The Wolf of Wall Street

wold of wall street

It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother

3) Her

her

Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!

3) Captain Phillips

captain phillips

Taking hostages on screen AND off!!

4) All Is Lost

all is lost

A better silent movie than The Artist

5) The Great Gatsby

great gatsby

A little party never killed nobody

6) The Hunt

the hunt

Mads for Mads Mikkelsen

7) The Stories We Tell

stories_we_tell

Do Tell

8) Salinger

salinger

Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of.  But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???

- 

9) My Father and The Man In Black

black saul

Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son

10) Spring Breakers

spring popsicles

more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!! 

- 

11) Short Term 12

short term 12

All Brie, no cheese 

12) Cutie and The Boxer

CutieandtheBoxer

Starving for attention artists in residence

13) Our Nixon

our nixon

Nixon bindess with pleasure! 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

blacman gun

42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now

wanna second opinion?  future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in!  

(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)

Best Movies 

5. Short Term 12

4. The Wolf of Wall Street

3. Dallas Buyers Club

2. Captain Phillips

1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Runner up –

Fill the Void (Lemale et ha’halalrs)  

‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies  

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

4. The Book Thief

3. Don Jon

2. Upstream Color

1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)

Runner up –

The Sapphires

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

3 Comments

Thighs Wide Movies 2012

Movies 2012

been seeing less new movies and more old movies, cause old movies rule, but new movies are still good, cause there are so many bad ones that the good ones rise to the top of the toilet.  out of what I saw, I giveth to you, for 2012, the bestest of the bestestesttest…

 

The Nifteen Fifteen

 

1) Zero Dark Thirty

ITS DARK!  AND ZERO AND THIRTY!!!

This century has just been awful awful awful, and Kathryn Bigelow & Mark Boal’s second stab at being social studies teachers feels like the perfect closing chapter to all the awfulness.  Awfulness, go away or else I’ll throw a seal team at you and you will be all minus one even darker thirty billion!!!

2) Searching For Sugar Man

THEY FOUND HIM!!!!  If this story doesn’t warm your heart, then it’s time to donate it.  Seriously, my life AND ears were changed for the better after seeing this doc, cause now I have the music of Rodriguez in ’em.  PLEASE let it do the same for you.  PLEASE,  I BEG OF YOU

3) Silver Linings Playbook

Never thought much of Bradley Cooper or Katniss Everdeen as actors before, or even the Philadelphia Eagles as anything other than a team that sucks.  It’s OK to be wrong.  WAY WRONG!!!

4) Beasts of The Southern Wild

MOVIE MAGIC LIVES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  HUSHPUPPY FOR BEST ACTRESS/PRESIDENT/SUPER BOWL CHAMPION!!!!

5) the Sonmi~451 storyline of Cloud Atlas

If only Tykwer & the Wachowski Brothers/Sisters cut out the rest of the Cloud Atlas storylines and made a singular movie out of the ‘Orison of Sonmi~451’ tale, cause it might MIGHT MIGHHHT juss have been the best movie that any of thems had ever made.  I have seen the future and it is smoking hot bobbed Korean clone slaves!!!!!

6) Prometheus

My only complaint with this movie was having to listen to everyone else’s complaints about this movie.  So what if the guy put in his hand in the goo?  That guy sucked and got what was coming to him.  That should happen to all the haters of this movie.  As for the lovers?  They get to love the movie, and that’s more than enuff, cause this movie is RAD!!!

7) Ai Weiwei: Never Sorry

China is fcuked up. Ai Weiwei is fcuking awesome

8) Beware of Mr Baker

More like – be aware of Ginger Baker.  DO IT!!!  Sunshine of his Love AND Hate!!

9) The Impossible

you see Naomi Watts’ breasts AND it’s not hot AT all.  NOW THAT’S WHAT I CALL CINEMA!!!

10) Robot & Frank

Finally, someone made a movie about Frank Langella becoming friends with an Omnibot 2000!!!!

11) The Perks of Being a Wallflower

John Hughes is smiling/crying beyond the grave

12) 21 Jump Street

TV to big screen done right.  Please make 21 more of these peas

13) Chronicle

The best super hero flick of the year had ZERO to do with Lord Messiah Joss Whedon

14) Frankenweenie

sometimes Tim Burton is capable of making things that don’t suck

15) Project X

a different kind of monkeying around movie.  PARTY ON COSTA!!

 

 

and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

honorblackman

(in the reverse order that I saw them…)

This Is 40 (Apatow’s first REALLY funny movie!) / West of Memphis (north of incredible) / Amour (there was no better French old lady slowly decaying movie in 2012!!!) / Wreck-It Ralph (Pixar who?) / The Sessions (sexy unsexy sex!) / Wuthering Heights (haunting, cause we’re still haunted by still not knowing what ‘Wuthering’ means) / Looper (LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER! LOOPER!) / Compliance (dude, Dreama Walker in an apron, and nothing else!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) / Step Up Revolution (Peter Gallagher is watching you) / The Queen of Versailles (stinky rich) / Chernobyl Diaries (it was so refarted, and yet here we is, still thinking about it half a year later) / Men In Black 3 (seriously, this movie is so much fun, and sweet, and kinda funny!) / The Dictator (SBC proves he can work with a script) / Trishna (d’Urbervillicous!) / Marley (& me AND you AND everyone we and he knows) / The Three Stooges (OMG, this didn’t suck!!!!!!!!) / Bully (that poor kid with the fish lips) / Michael (hide your kids)

 

Movies 2012 color

our anal-ual movie awards, THE THIGHSMANS, will hit the air-wavvvves right around Oscar time.  so stay pooned!

 until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

1 Comment

eXTReMe Tracker