Marc Singer and Faye Grant play laser tag in V

Black Mass
KICKS MAJOR MASS!!!!!!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 122 min

American Hustle basically sucked.  Black Mass is the opposite of American Hustle, although the two share a decade, large pompadour hairdos, and strong machismo overacting

Above all – Johnny Depp is terrifying as real-life baddie Whitey Bulger.  And above that – Depp is udderly incredible in the film.  Obviously Depp is an incredible actor, but this may be his best (non-Tim Burton) performance since 1998’s Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas.  I credit two things with this great achievement – the hair and the make-up.  So far, I’m rooting for no horses in the Oscar race, but Depp’s Mass face deserves a gold man, so I guess I’m rooting for that

Depp’s bad hair, bad skin, and cold blue killer eyes will haunt me 9ever

 

his look is like a combo of this-es…

Johnny S. Thompson Loathing with Fear

meets all the Biff Tannens of BTTFII

meets Flattop of Dick Tracy

meets William Forsythe in general

meets Coppola’s Dracula

meets Electro of Spider-unwatchble-reboot-2

meets Gollum

meets the creepy-eyed lizard aliens of V

Verdictgo: Jeepers MOS DEF Worth A Peepers

Black Mass preaches the bad words currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Prometheus
On and Off The Origin of The Specieses
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 124 min

Dude, what’s your problem with Ridley Scott‘s Peromoutheosues?  Why do you have beef when this movie is all filet mignon-and-on-and-on til the break-a-break-a-dawn?  This is how quasi-prequels should be made!!!  This is what they should look like.  This is how they should be acted in like.  No cheese, all ruling.  Seriously, what didn’t you like about the best sci-fi movie of the 2000s, and Scott’s biggest and bestest since freaking Blade Runner?  What didn’t meat yer eggspectations?  This movie answers THE question to end began all questions of how we began, and how Alien began!!!!!  !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And the movie has theseses!!!!

a not as strong-willed girl with probably zero tattoos who used to be a strong-willed girl with a dragon tattoo!!!!

every woman AND man’s dream – a robot Michael Fassbender who does whatever you want it to do!!!

the opposite of finding Texas Tea/black gold!!

spaceships that look like rotten cashews!!!

SORTA FACE ON MARS THING!!!

batshit crazy rich old white dudes!!

Ryan Atwood’s skeezy brother!!

alien masks almost more alien than this helmet!!

bobbed in space!

this surly a$$hole guy who always plays surly a$$holes!!!

space vomit!

better use of Charzlizezeze Therzon in tight future clothings!!!

speaking of, Leeloo-lish clothings for space hibernating hotties!

&

[spoilerish alert!!!….]

the grossest of gross that could possibly happen to a woman’s tummy!!!!!!

moral of the story – IT’S A PREQUEL THAT’S THE OPPOSITE OF SUCKS/STAR WARS EPISODES I – III!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Prometheus is currently lighting fires at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Peace The Forks Out

to

Leonardo 

‘Scary German Guy‘

Cimino

1917 – 2012

+

Disco Inferno extinguished

Moebius

this ump is out

axer axed

fake Bush

some Bollywood guy

world’s oldest sheep

&

one of them Sherman bros who told us that our world was small after all

Tis never too late to replace Jane Badler with Falkor’s sis as Dirty Diana in the much over-dooed V: The Second Generation mini series

Then again, Jane does have the word ‘BAD’ in her last name, as in ‘SHE BADDER THAN A BADGER LISTENING TO MICHAEL JACKSON’S BAD WHILE REENACTING THE BADDLE OF THE NETWORK STARS… in BED!!!’

Then again, neither of dem bizatches can rock the 80s AS SEEN ON TV Ambervision sunglasses like my effin DAWG/Brigitte Nielsen in B Hills Cop II liz’ovin/finger raisin in the sun of bitch, Gunther Cunningham!!!!

But it aint no is not for it will never be so cause Faye Grant is the one and only V thighs I’d like to see wide open

• More Chronic in the ’07… somewhere Chris Parnell and Andy Samberg are giving each other handjobs

• Ebert’s Best 10 Movies of 2005

• Thigh Master’s Bestest In Movies ’05… coming in early ’06!!

• Why release a second album when you’d be basically killing yer chances of being named Spin‘s Band of The Year for the years 2006 thru 2112?

• Reason #54125672887323222434235426478d3456 not to have children

• Jossip #95 and Stereochicklets #76? If the top three aint Me, Sio Bibble, and Jimmy Smits, I swear, I’ll stop reading USA Today on weekends!!! I means, who else be #1 when searching for ‘side boob’, but NOT ‘side boobs’?

• Old meets Poo at MOMI’s everlasting arcade breastlesnessmanathon… I mean, why bother with this when dere’s this? YER ALL CLEAR KID, NOW LETTUCE BLOW THIS THING AND GO HOME!!!

• Shirley sure has a lot of paying to do

• OH MY FORKIN GAWD!

• Blur – ‘Daisy Bell (A Bicycle Made For Two)’ [d-lode]

• Ali G & The Porn Convention [NSFW vid via Juwanamaker]

• I may have to replace ‘Visit Where They Filmed A Clockwork Orange!!!’ with ‘Visit Where They Filmed The Intro and a Season Eight Episode of Full House!!!!’ on my list of THINGS I NEED [via Sha Na Na BOOTY]

• I heart the girl wearing the I heart Hashem tee

• A list of all the Snapple caps ‘Real Facts’ [via Don’t Shoot Til You See The Witz of Their Eyes]

• Reason #2354235728757843s42442 why Christmas kicks Hanukkah’s a$$ [via Snopes]

• WD-40 can do it all. I bet it can even cure oral herpes or coulda destroyed Stalin’s Super Ape Men Warriors if need be. And now it’s available in a pen shape! [via Use It Or Lose Its’ Computer]

• Top 5 Muffins of 2005

• I’ll pay someone 5 dollars if they tells me which of dere links on the Lynx list haven’t been updated in over three months. It’s time to do a lil house keeperin’. Note: NONUSHOTTIES.8K.COM DOESN’T COUNT

• New Zealand Finds Black Cocks Hard to Swallow [via Brawny Man]

• Oedipus YIKES! [via Pantry Pooba]

• If I’m not avail, you taco Nazi? YTMND strikes again! [beware the garble gabble gaddle flazzle shazzle kizzle hazel navel shaveyervagina]

• And cause dumb doesn’t always have to be real: Planet Fakes [NSFW]

And this post filled with useless links that probably 3 of you clicked on is so fargin icehole brillo pad brilliant that Albert Einstein came back from his vacation from Syriana a week earlier than planned to give me a diploma in geniusness of super awesome smart man thinking stuff things. So if there aint 332234556427776 comments by the day’s end, I’ll never put another NSFW link on this .org AGAIN, EVER never say EVER AGAIN NEVER EVER AGAIN NEVER. Did I mention that Thomas Edison and Nikola Tesla each gave me a rusty trombone with the Dizzy Gillespie conversion? Oh, and George Washington Carver totally gave me a high five cause I found more uses for a penis than he did for a peanut!!! Oh, and before I go…

IF YOU DON’T NETFLIX THIS BEFORE YOU SEE SPIELBERGO’S MUNICH YOU EITHER CAN’R REED OR YOU SUCK OR YOU ARE AN IDJIOT LIKE MOST PEOPLE IN AMERICA WHO DON’T READ THIS SIGHT AND WHO DO VOTE FOR CRAPPY PRESIDENTS AND BLOGS IN THINGS ABOUT STUFF THAT AREN’T WORTH MORE THAN THE MARY WORTH OF THREE DOG NIGHT MINUS THE DAVE CLARK FIVE

watch me or choke
on yer own grundle
And oh, uh, this guy aint no Gunther Cunningham either… although he does kinda look likes him