Ten 2017 Movies That Rose Higher Than Rose From The Last Jedi

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1) Loving Vincent

LOVE doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about this waking life walk thru van Gogh’s paintings.  this is one for the ages!!

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2) The Lost City of Z

more of an Indiana Jones movie than Kingdom of The Crystal Skull was!!!  AND IT REALLY HAPPENED!!

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3) Mother!

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4) Dunkirk

I was praying that it was going to be a bad movie so I could call it Dumbkirk

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5) The Disaster Artist

Finally, a Seth Rogen movie I can get behind!

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6) Phantom Thread

Style over substance AND style!

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7) Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri

Fart faced McDormand and zany Sam Rockwell overcome themselves to surprise even me!

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8) Maudie

Art with heart

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9) The Trip To Spain

More of these, less of the Fast & Furiouseseses

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10) Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Beyond this world, and apparently beyond the grasp of today’s dumbed-down audiences.  Enjoy the same crap over and over people, cause Hollywood aint going to take a chance anymo on a movie that takes a chance like this one did

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our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the Friday before the Oscars.  stay pooned!

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2016
2015
2014
2013
2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets
Luc’s Skywalking, And Everyone Else Is Sleepwalking
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 134 min

After seeing Luc Besson‘s super fun Lucy, I declared that I wanted him to ‘direct all my blockbuster blusters‘.  My wish was beyond granted in his Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets, where imagination knows no bounds, and awe and awesome is around every corner!!!  

Sadly, others don’t seem to agree with my sediments, and the audiences have spurned it as well.  This wholly creative cinematic force will die a quick death in theaters, and with that, any hope of a sequel, or the chance of big studios taking other chances on chancy material that isn’t a known commodity.  Well that sucks!  Damn you people!!!  Didn’t you see The 5th Element?  Do you not want more of THAT same, but with a fcuking dope 21st century digital landscape that makes George Lucas’ Star Wars prequels look like Pong???

Do you not want to see a movie that has Rihanna doing this (AND MORE)???

Are these slick-a$$ robots not slick-a$$ enuff for ye???

Do you not want to take your favorite memories of Avatar, A.I., Mad Max, Mos Eisley, The Neverending Story, Moulin Rouge and Contact and have them rolled up into one stellar movie roller coaster that’s beyond well worth the ride?

OK, so they maybe could have found a better Valerian than Dane DeHaan, but he was fine.  And I’m not usually a fan of smelling-a-bad-fart-faced Cara Delevingne, but here, as Val’s girl Friday – Laureline, she’s a woman with more depth and rockitude than anything Wonder Woman womanized!  

WHAT DO YOU PEOPLE WANT?  YOU DON’T WANT THIS, AND INSTEAD YOU WANT CRAP???  WELL, YOU WILL KEEP GETTING CRAP!!!!  Hollywood will continue to make the garbage that you so rightfully deserve

I believe, and sincerely hope that time will be kind to Besson’s Valerian.  Today’s box office ‘bomb’ will one day turn into a cult classic that we’ll be talking about well beyond the 28th century.  Beam me up, and boo on you haters!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Valerian  soars at a theater near jews and white nationalists (but hurry – shiz is gonna leave theaters ASAP!!)

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…