Thighs Wide Shut

for the annual Bloomington, Indiana trip, the crew tried something a little different – visit at a time when our ballz won’t freeze, and lemme tell you, it was MARVVVVELOUS!!!!!!!

and empty!!! (I actually played ball there!)

and scenic with a ‘K’, like skenik! (don’t tell anyone we were on the roof)

and there were signs!

in neon too!

and cheap fried things!

and learning!

and 80s Star Wars – in German!!

and dudes with snakes on their neck!!

and MUST-staches!!!!

and dudes juss as cool w/o staches!!!

and bears with boobs that are hot, and off-putting at the same time

and great times, and even greater food

can you smell the farts?

CAN YOU???

you can’t do better than this America!

yep, I filled them holes

and yep, grease is the word, and grease poured out of my butt

bacon anyone?

and Long Island Iced Tea anyone?  warning – you should not drink this, unless you’re a college student and looking to black out in 10 minutes

and yep, the Nats represent everywhere

and Mark Cuban never forgets life before sharks and tanks and being a rich douche

https://instagram.com/p/6az1pfm35T/?taken-by=thighmaster

you’re #1, we’re all #1!!

like what you see?

https://instagram.com/p/6bU05sm35t/

and so concludes #RanchFarts2015

–

previously…

2014 – The Union Forever

2013 - Thighwalker Ranch Farts

2012 - Unhidden Valley Ranch Farts

2011 - Ranch DuBois

2011 - #RanchFarts2011

2009 - Herman B. Wells That Ends Well

2008 - Ranch Sauce Farts Part 6 Meets Police Academy Part 6

2008 - Bloomingtales

2007 - Village (Pantry) Idiot

2006 - College of Arts & SciencesCollage of Farts & Appliances

another year, another bout of Ranch Farts

you know the drill – eat, drink, eat, fart, repeat…

state your case

more like ‘Whitest State Ever’

 –

since we’re all old and billionaires, we stepped up our game
and stayed at the Union

where the views are to die for
but not to diet for

–

the carpets scream redrum

and the eating made for red-bums

–

oh ranch sauce 

men want to be you
and women want you inside of them

–

and oh divine swine

how you make us sin, even though we brought a rabbi with us

–

speaking of
the Rabbi thinks I should do
a gallery show of our ranch sauce pics

fart art?

–

the owner of BuffaLouies is my hero

 

literally, a larger than life
personality – with the wings
to back it up

–

he’s like the second greatest man behind Neon Jesus 

Bobby Knight’s in white ranch sauce

- 

 want to know what lonely is?

this pencil shapener, sitting at the bottom of a stairwell, probably barely used or ever noticed

–

each trip back to Bloomington brings back old memories but sometimes provides new ones

like these amazing headshots of ‘talent’ from the 80s that played Bear’s Place

ah, M&Mc – the dynamic duo to end all dynamic duos

–

I’d choose this guy’s
‘stache in a pinch!

–

more like jester.  off with his head!

- 

who, me???

- 

uh, um, uh?

- 

Banks, so money!!!

–

Weird Yal Ankovic?

- 

me?

- 

yes, me – DJ Tanner of the Mike & Jonah & Terry Milk Show! it’s like 1997/98 all over again!! big ups to BFinx for the tour!!

–

I’m a slow starter / fast farter

- 

but I won a super amazing hat (not pictured) from this crane-game thing

- 

can’t wait for #RanchFarts2015!!!!
the year we juggle!!!

another year passes
another year of gas passing
college still stays the same
but we get olders
but not wisers

man, are we really old

but man, them young chix these days be wearing like nothing more than a bra and nothing

–

Indiana, home to the whitest people you don’t know

theys peoples is
the salt of the pepper

–

and home to the lamest bestest football players ever – EVER!!!

(2 dem being Redskins)

–

and this guy

I signed him to a 9 picture deal to play Howard Taft and the Monopoly Guy and every awesome fatty guy with a mustache

–

and now we enter
the farty food section

–

ZA and WINGS!!!!!!!!

together at last/gas

–

PESTO CHEESE STIXXXXXXXX!!!

at Mother Bear’s!

–

+ onion rings as big as Greeny

and they didn’t even taste good, but they was SO BIGGGG

–

THESE

MIGHT juss be the world’s bestest wings. MIGHT.  no, seriously.
no, 5reals.  no, 9reals

–

YOU’VE BEEN RANCHED

DEAL WITH IT

–

hot sh!ts, only $3!!

personally, I don’t like
to spend more than $2

–

but THIS is where I really
want to go one day

and that negative review is actually the glowingest glowing review ever cause fat people know where to get damn good food that keeps them fat

–

oh college

never change

–

NEVER

and we’ll keep coming back

–

and maybe, juss maybe

we’ll retire in you!
not even jokings
17reals

 

oh, want to relive old ranch fart memories?  CLICK ME!

we were here

and we wish you were too

–

this list is life

and farts!

–

this picture should hang at the MoMA

this ranch sauce should
be served everywhere

–

leftovers?  not bloody likely

indigestion?  bloody likely

–

hollandaise holiday sauce

black gold, Bloomington tea

–

this is our brains on college

any questions?

–

biz sinking at Nick’s
is always mandatory

woman in the background was shocked that we were able to
capture the pour in mid-flight

–

blue drinks for all!

good tasting drinks for none!

–

rough nite for somebody

but sometimes a necessary evil

–

and now for the ‘cultural’
part of our tour

–

Zells yeah!!!

fighting Illini? more like losing Illini!!!

–

if you can read these
you don’t need glasses

and probably also have a tiny penis

–

IU Cinema is a bestestestest

and so was seeing the Cary Grant / Katherine Hepburn comedy Holiday

–

we’d follow the RHCP cover band
Funky Monks practically anywhere…

…there’s 8 cent beer
and 18 year old women

–

????

does not compute

–

America, where everything’s bigger, not necessarily better

you lighters up our lives

–

boob grab!!!

but the question is, real boobs???

–

LOL!!!!

LOL!!!! continued

–

looking for ranch farts from years past?  YOU GOT IT!!!