Inherent Vice
California Scheming
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 148 min

In a haze and in a daze, Paul Thomas Anderson‘s take on Thomas Pynchon‘s Inherent Vice is well worth toking.  Why?

it’s…

(thankfully not the dis-Master)

Lebowski-y, but smarter(!)(?)

and says hello to The Long Goodbye

and is as serious (and seriously silly) as Joe Friday’s haircut

LSDeez nutz

A video posted by Thigh Master (@thighmaster) on Jan 1, 2014 at 8:21pm PST

and Eli Cash-y

and Paul Avery Zodiac-y

and Nathan Thurm-y squirmy

and Shasta-y

and Katherine Waterston continues her ‘brave’ (read – ‘nude’) work in cinema

and all this equals…

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Vice is nice at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

San Frandisco – easily America’s greatest non-ranch farts city

if you’ve never been, you might as well leave for Uranus, and orbit your own anus

I mean, where else you gonna see this sight???

ALCATRAZ!!!

bars none, one of the illest places to visit

it water TOWERS over all other prisons!!!

for birdmen and birdwomen everywhere!!!

i mean, if you had to go to one prison, wouldn’t you want to go here????

I mean, they have their own baseballs!!!

speaking of baseballsss

made my first ever visit to Pac-Bell/AT&T/Verizon/Bell Atlantic Park to see mees Nats lose 2 games

where Coke plays catch, and Sully from Monsters Inc is a true San Fran Giant!!!

ok, maybe that was a stretch

at the super dope Musée Mécanique, where they gots ye olde thyme arcade games and erotic movies!

but nothing beats this 7-11 deal

except eating Mexican food and using a corn cob to wipe yer butt

oh Mexican food, why you taste so good, but hurt butts so much??

but my butt was way OK with the House of Prime Rib

but my favorite restaurant on earth isn’t even a restaurant – it’s a chocolatier – See’s Candies

oh San Fran, why are you more beautiful than India Reynolds?

and why aren’t all gates painted orange vermillion like yer golden ones???

and why aren’t all hills this alive???

and why did Paul Stine have to die?

and why do a bunch of yer buildings look like the 70s version of the future (which is my favorite version of the future)????

OK, time to step out, cause this house is full

perv-iously…

A Fine Line Between Love And Haight

Peace The Forks Out

to

BorgNINEever!!!!

+

electronic football man

some old lady Obama killed

& belated belated belated to…

THE WOMAN WHO HEARD ZODIAC’S VOICE!!!!

Carlos
Highjackal!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Simple rule of thumb for exceedingly crazy-arsed long movies: a movie can be as long as it needs to be, just so long as anything over the perfect runtime of 90 minutes is absolutely necessary.  Most movies could use a good trim (the 3rd LOTR flick) and some could stand to be expanded (Zodiac, duh!), and some shouldn’t have been made longer than 5 minutes (Nerderberg’s insufferable Che).  Olivier Assayas‘ Carlos, a sprawling and masterful 3-part French TV mini-series epic, turned into one gigantic film for other countries, clocks in at a WHOPPING 330 minutes (5 1/2 hours), and we can honestly say that not a single moment was wasted, even if one’s eyes will fall out of their sockets after sitting thru it.  (there will also be a 165 ‘theatrical cut’ being shown in theaters, which we have yet to see and are THIGHLY curious to check out what got cut in half!!!)

What’s moist hammazin about Assayas’ mammoth undertaking is not how he pulled it off (but seriously, HOW DID HE?! 2 decades of story, shot over 7 months, in 7 different countries, in countless languages, all looking MIGHTY 70s/80s GORGEOUS!!), but how dang fast it all flys by!!!  ZIP ZIP ZOOOOEY!!!  Luckily he took his pacing cues from Fincher’s Zodiac!  Even if the film went unmade, the work and research that Assayas and co-writer Dan Franck put into a 300 page screenplay is worthy of applause all on its own!!!!  And guess what, so little is actually known about Venezuelan global terrorist Carlos the Jackal (Édgar Ramírez, who deserves a ton of accolades, and more accent marks in his name) that they had to make up a bunch of stuff!!!  And who cares, hispecially if it’s so dang captivating (even if it’s hard to maintain fluid and tense drama for that long of a period)!  It’s like what Finchy and Sorkin pulled with The Social Network, but Carlos deals with stuff that’s actually important, like hurting people, and not juss their feelings!

OK, there’s some known stuff about the Jackal, like killing some cops, taking some hostages here and there, flying planes to shady countries, drinking tons of whiskey, smoking tons of fags, banging some slutty revolutionary chicks, plotting, plotting some more, plotting some more after some more, until he eventually became a bloated nonentity and a relic dinosaur of terrorism’s past, before eventually being captured!!!  In a shellnut, that’s the entire story

Carlos is the flipside of Spielbergo’s Munich, AKA the best movie of 2005!!  While we’re not likely to put Carlos at the very very top of our list at the end of 2010, in time, that may turn out to be a decision we regret.  What to do, what to do????  Dunno, but you should give up 330 minutes of your life to see this, which you’ll gladly never get back!!!

Time Out of Mind:  so what is the longest movie ever?   Guinness sez The Cure For Insomnia. sounds more like the cause of insomnia!!  here are two lists of the longest films evers!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Carlos will be released as follows:

TV – broadcast premiere on the Sundance Channel from Rocktober 11 thru 13 (sorry about the late notice!)

THEATRICAL – opens in NY on Friday.  330 minute Special Roadshow Edition at IFC Center – Roct 15 to Nov 2 ONLY.  The 165 minute ‘theatrical cut’ will be shown at Lincoln Plaza Cinemas.  Both the extended version and the shorter cut will roll out theatrically elsewhere elsewhen

VOD – the 165 minute cut will also be shown on video on demand beginning Rocktober 20

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Zodiac
Period Piece of Art
Trailer & Mo

Within the very first scene of Zodiac, we are not only introduced to the titular killer and his dirty work, but we are also reintroduced to David Fincher who’s masterful talent has been sorely missed. His last film dropped in the ’02, but Panic Room was a far cry from where he left off before that in the ’99, with the beyond brills Fight Club. So I’ve basically been waitin and waitin for 8 long years for the director who I’ve worshiped above all the cool mid to late 90s directors (Tarantino, Boyle, Jonze, Singer, and yes, even Aronofsky) to deliver the goods. Zodiac not only fulfilled that Fincher bestness void, but also the void of fantab flicks to be released so far in the ’07. While there’s many moons and suns to go before Dec 31st, I still feel confident in naming it one of the best films of the year

Fincher has already shown that’s he jason capel-able of making a thumcredible serial killer flick. I mean, once could argue that Se7en is even more engaing than Silence of the Lambs, but Zodiac isn’t a serial killer movie. Sure, it’s about a serial killer, but it’s more of a spooky Unsolved Mysteriesish journalistic investigation, a neverending one at that since the killer was never caught, into the events that brought northern Cali to it’s knees in the late 60s and early 70s. When I walked out of the theater I wanted to know every single in and out about the case (gawd bless Zodiackiller.com). I hadn’t been so keen in seeking out the truth since Oliver Stone’s JFK mesmerized me beyond belief when I was all of 14 years of age… if only Spike Lee’s complete misfire Summer of Sam had worked the same magic

While I wished that Inland Empire‘s runtime was 3 minutes instead of 3 hours, I wouldn’t have minded if Zodiac was 2 1/2+ days long instead of 2 1/2+ hours. Tits dat good folks. Welcome back Finchy. Never leave me hangin like that again or I’ll have to throw all my love to the other Finchy for good!

Apt MPupil3: Donovan’s beyond bananas bestness ‘Hurdy Gurdy Man‘ [d] which will forever make me think of this film

Deja View: No, Zodiac aint the first time that Jake Gyllenhaal & John Carroll Lynch peered into each other’s eyes. Hell, it aint even the second time! The two first appeared together as father and son in Bubble Boy, followed by The Good Girl, where JCL was JG’s boss at the Retail Rodeo

Killer Looks: Zodiac Watches

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Breast In Show•

Rental Round Up(dog)

Colour Me Kubrick
[Trailer]

One of the sadest things a Thigh Master has to deal with on a day-to-day basis is the fact that there will never be another Stanley Kubrick film ever. Since his death and the release of this site’s cousin Eyes Wide Shut in 1999, we’ve been slowly dying ourselves. So any time anything Kubrickianishesque gets released, it’s naturally that we get a bit nutty. Luckily for me, these releases have all eased my pain. We totally JOed to the mishmash that was Spielberg’s take on A.I., and we really dig-dug the not so revealing yet intriguing doc Stanley Kubrick: A Life In Pictures, by his bro-in-law Jan Harlan, and on the last go around, at the ’06 Tribeca Film Fest, we went bananas for Colour Me Kubrick (in America, we leave out the ‘u’). To quote ourselves, Colour Me is the loose fictionalization of conman Alan Conway’s amazing mid 90s London exploits as a Kubrick impersonator that not only is hilarious, but is by far the mos humorous John Malkovich (who plays Conway) film to date. We gave it a rating of Breast In Show and will still stand by that. It’s another one of these Magonlia Pic Day & Date Premiere thangies. Shiz opens in theaters and HDNet today, and will be available on DVD next week. Seek it out, like I seek out the truth about the Zodiac killah!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…