Many A Qwik Bitz

Â	Cornelius loved the life of the 70s: eazy bitches, the Washington Bullets were good, and he got to see every episode of Maude starring Bea Arthur.

– Two Philadelphia gorillas, Demba and “stud muffin” Chaka, have decided to go their separate ways after five long years. Word on the street sez that the rift in the relationship stemmed over an argument over which was the best Planet of the Apes movie. Demba loved the original, but Chaka was a huge fan of Escape From the Planet of the Apes.

– In more animal kingdom news (cause at Thighs Wide Shut, wees loves the animals), a Vermonster sheep herder may lose his flock of 300 to the state government. You see, the herder is a 63-year old Buddhist who allows 70 of the sheep to live in the house with him. He loves his pals dearly, but can’t really afford to take care of them (he owe’s his neighbors 15K in hay money), yet he refuses to slaughter them due to his beliefs. What do I have to do in life to own 300 sheep and live in their shit?

– In the WTF dept, some dude envisions some possible rhymes by Ice Cube if he were to be knighted by the Queen. Props to my man Marvkus for the link.

– Looks like Jerry “Disco Briscoe” Orbach will be calling it a day over at the Law & Order set, but may end up in a third spinoff: Law & Order: PMU (Parking Meter Unit). Word on the street sez that Jerry O was so enraged about the awfulnessness that is Dirty Dancing: Havana Nights that he wants to make a proper sequel, Dirty Dancing II: Nobody Makes Baby Do The Electric Slide.

Just like a woman, Dr. Zira always gots be shoppin’.

– The brains behind the brilliant Hoop Dreams is at it again, but this time it’s not basketballs their chasing, it’s immigrants. The new series, The New Americans, begins its run on Monday the 29th on PBS. Warning, if you tune your dial to PBS, they may force you to donate money and in return you will receive a fancy tote bag or a VHS boxset of Victor Borge and his piano antics.

– Finally, time to remove AOL instant messenger from your computer if you live Britain, cause Big Brother, aka the British Phonograph Industry (remove the first “h” and add a “r” after the first “o” and it would be a much cooler name), are going to start sending instant messages to people downloading songs illegally. Could you imagine if the US gov-mint sent us instant messages while we were downloading porn? That’s worse than a cold shower. Anywho, one of the coolest drummers in the world who wears glasses, Dave Rowntree of Blur, has spoken out about this situation and said the BPI missed the boat years ago.