Endangered Feces

– Can someone please explain how George Lucas went from making movies that matter like THX 1138, to exec producing Howard the Duck? Is this what happens to a man when he gets dumped by Linda Ronstadt??

– Jonesing to see Fleetwood Mac, Kid Rock, The Moody Blues, Hall & Oates, Ozzfest, Bryan Adams, Cyndi Lauper, or my favorite dynamic duo, Michael Bolton & Kenny G. at Jones Beach or Jersey’s PNC Art Center for only $10??? For one day only, Tuesday, June 1st, from 10 AM to 10 PM, you can get a ticket for a total price of $10 f-in bones (that includes all bullshit charges)!! This offer is only available for tickets purchased at the Jones Beach and PNC Arts Center box offices and will NOT be sold via the Internet or outlets. Anyone want to get me some of dem Cyndi Lauper tickets?? Before I die I need to hear her umcredible “Goonies R Good Enough” live. Lettuce just hope another bird doesn’t take a dump in her mouth.

– Props de leon to my fellow dirt bags over at ThatsJustNotRight.com aka F.U.B.A.R. for adding TWS to their grand list o’ “Dick Links”. Not only have I stolen images from dat redonkey-donk site, but now I’ll be stealing their readers as well.

– In more dirty old man news, looks like more teenage girls are testing gender boundaries these days. Lucky girls! I’m not against being “gayish” or “heteroflexible”, but there’s no way I’d get near a man’s grundle after smelling my own. Match-up I’d love to see le most: Lohan and Mischa Barton. Orange on blonde? That’s one creamsicle I’d lick for hours. Speaking of Lohan, enter here to win a trip for two to the 2004 MTV Movie Awards show in Los Angeles. If you win, you have to take me with you and I’ll buy all you can eat Roscoe’s Chicken and Waffles. And speaking of Lohan’s boobs, can someone please tell this blogger to stop Photoshopping scars and drawing red circles all over them? [Link via Byrne Victim]

– The list of America’s 11 Most Endangered Historical Places was released the other day. Somehow the whole state of Vermont made the list, Seabiscuit’s home, and that hideous looking building I see every day known as 2 Columbus Circle. In other endangerd news, John Coltrane’s Long Island home was declared a landmark.

– NME is all set to unleash their Top Ten Fittest Rock Stars list. XFM Online leaked the list a day early: 1. Carl Barat (The Libertines), 2. Alex Kapranos (Franz Ferdinand), 3. Fabrizio Moretti, 4. Meg White, 5. Jack White, 6. Karen O, 7. Brody Dalle (The Distillers), 8. Marcie Bolen (The Von Bondies), 9. Nick Valensi, 10. Julian Casablancas. First of all, there should be no Strokes on the list cause they’re so 2001, secondly, juss looking at Karen O makes me want to cut off my penis, and lastly, but not leastly, I want to bang on Meg White’s bazaoombies all day long, but is she fit? She’s not only in need of The Thigh Master’s love, but a Thigh Master as well. And speaking of Franz Ferdie, they’ve chosen a very “heteroflexible” song for their next single, “Michael“.

– And to close this wooly mammoth entry, me and my girl Vega$ agree: What the fuck is wrong with all these liz-adies???