Return Of The Hotstepper
12. May, 2004 
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Want to know if you’re going to end up in heaven or hell? Let Mike Seaver/Kirk Cameron be your guide on this really tough quiz. [Link via Popbitch] I knew I wasn’t in good shape when the first question asked by Mike/Kirk was, “Are You A Christian? Yes or No?” Mike/Kirk, what happened to you? One minute you were chilling with Boner Stabone and the next, you became a nutball and starred in some of the crappiest movies ever.
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While wees on the hot topic of nutball religious garbage, seems the only way to get nia peoples attention these daze is thru the intranet. Latest example: the virtual church. Look at the picture on the left. Isn’t the year be 2004 peoples? Those 3-D graphics look more le ghetro than the Dire Straits’ video for “Money For Nothing”.
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Is anything more sexier than a hammer banging some nails? Or maybe a screwdriver and some wood? Playboy seems to think so. Coming soon, all over your hands, please welcome The Home Depot Hotties.
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Beating off to Playboy… er, um, I mean, speaking of Playboy, is it possible that Britney Spears accepted a $40 million ducket payday from Hef to pose nude? Check out this photo and decide for yo self. [Link 1nce again via Popbitch] And which Amsterdam coffeeshop does the aforementioned woolly mammoth popstar, her hobo boyfriend, and tons of clueless tourists flock to? The Bulldog, obvs! But all the cool kids in the know know that Barney’s be the place to be for all yer Al Greens and killer breakfast needz.
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Last on the docket is the dumbestist story about a mannequin since Mannequin (2): On the Move. A Wess-con-son cheesehead alderman is a little too attached to his handless mannequin. Seems that the Mayor opened the alderman’s office without his knowledge and let a lo-cal newspaper photographer snap a foto of his beloved ‘quin Madeline. When the aldie found out, he was none too pleased. I smell a comeback for Meshach Taylor.
