Box Office Bidness Attack of Jena Malone’s Forehead
14. Jun, 2004 
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1. Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban – $34.9 million ($157.9 million) – I hear that in the 4th one, he receives the most magical gift of all: his first boner!
2. The Chronicles of Riddick – $24.2 million (NEW) – A friend of mine’s sister actually named her kid Riddick a few years back. When I have a daughter, I’m going to name her Dame Judy Thigh Master.
3. Shrek 2 – $23.3 million ($353.3 million) – Here are some words that almost rhyme with ‘Shrek‘: shrapnel, crap, Shabbat, crack, schmegma, and plinko!
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4. Garfield: The Movie – $21.7 million (NEW) – This movie arrives in theaters about 19 years too late. And me thinks the people would rather see a Heathcliff big screen adventure or even one featuring Riff Raff and his junkyard pals Hector, Mungo, and Wordsworth.
5. The Stepford Wives – $21.4 million (NEW) – Although I know in my heart that this can’t be butter than the original, I still hate Bette Midler and her website.
6. The Day After Tomorrow Never Knows – $14.5 million ($153.1 million) – Jake Gyyyyllllleeennnhhhaaaalll, you will always be Donnie Darko, not Superman. And tell Kirsten Dunst to get out of my dreams and to get into my car.
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7. Raising Helen – $3.7 million ($31.2 million) – Gary Marsh-crotch-all, do us all a favor and retire. Your filmography can be summed up by yer 1996 movie, Dear God: Exit to Eden, Runaway Bride, The Other Sister, The Princess Diarrheas, and now this? If I really wanted to see crap, I’d take a look between my legs whilst on le throne.
8. Troy $3.4 million ($125.6 million) – Most useless trivia from this movie: Achilles shouts Hector’s name nine times when he is waiting at the gates of Troy.
9. Saved! – $2.5 million ($3.7 million) – I just heard that Jena Malone and her forehead were signed on to play Mister Softee’s wife in a new movie.
10. Mean Girls– $1.4 million ($81.3 million) – See Lindsay Lohan in her last movie before she went all Oompa Loompa on us.
