The Aftershave Aftermath

– Seppo wuz right, how could they not consult him, me, Grambs, or J-Daddy on Evian’s list of the most naturally beautiful woman of all time. No LL? WTF? She has TWO natural beauties attached to her chest. And Liv Tyler at numero 2? If she was giving me a bj, I’d throw up on her head cause all I could think about are her daddy Steven’s lips.

– Speaking of LL, F.U.B.A.R. some how got a hold of her phone number. Are you frightened LL? Not frightened enuff! And speaking of LL and her amazing chest, you can bid on a bra John Hancocked by her! [Link via LL.org]

– The people can’t wait to see Michael Moore’s latest… and they won’t have to wait much longer. How does the end of June sound? F-in mint!! [Scoop via Flea’s Ho Bag]

– Bad Boy and P-Shitty protégé, Ma$e is back. Great, just what the peoples wanted… more crappy music at an un-affordable price.

– On the flipside, aka real music, Blur, the best British band of the 90s (give me a break Radiohead), are back in the studios working on a follow-up to the Coxon-less Think Tank. And if you didn’t pick up that album yet, I’ll personally come to your house and pour cicadas down your throat until you do.

– Sure we’d rather contract SARS than see another Vin Diesel movie, but if you live in The City and want to see The Chronicles of Riddick fo FREE, click here.

– Too bad The Thigh Master loves his family, the beach, and skeeball, cause otherwise my ass would be headed to this year’s Twin Peaks Festival in Washington state. I mean who wouldn’t want to lick that mole next to Sherilyn Fenn’s eye or jammy-jam with Bobby Briggs’ parents? BTW, anyone know when season 2 is being released on DVD? I’m jonesing more than Jeffery Jones at an elementary school’s recess.

– Whoops, looks like Bono wasn’t planning Live Aid II. He must be too busy trying to stick his nose in everyone’s bidness like Jesse Jackson.

– Speaking of bidness, Box Office Bidness will return in Das EFX next week. I mean we all know Shrek 2 made a killing and Soul Plane and Raising Helen looks worsteest than Raising Cain.

– Me so happy. Me just got bumped up to “Creme de la Creme” status on Whatevs.BestF-inBlogEvs. I think me owes Uncle Grambs about 15 cases of White Castles and 9 churros.

– “Baby Jessica” McClure just graduated high school. Be sure to send her your well wishes.

– Trio is still the greatest cable network ever. Two mo reasons why:

1. They’re giving away a DeLorean

2) They’re re-airing Cop Rock… yep, Cop Rock. Bless you Steven Bochco for trying.

– The last Civil War widow ever just passed away. Too bad that racism and the Confederate flag didn’t die with her. But long live pecan pie, grits, and Waffle House.

– And finally, what’s worse than the noise that cicadas make? This song.