A Cinderella Story Not Awful

 

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Our thighs may be wide shut, but our lips aint sealed no mo!!! I’ve said some purty nasty things about the Duff in the past, but the thymes, they is a changing!! And plus, now that the Lohan recently became a legal beagle, I need to shift my attentions/lustings to someone else unreachable and inappropriate. But don’t get yer panties and pantries in a bunch folks, cause this dot organization will still be the 2nd most rockinest LL site next to LLRocks.com, ovs course. Anywho, enuff about that shells and more about the Duffdiver. As a parting gift to my dear gal Paint by Number Pony, I took her to a screening of A Cinderella Story, sponsored by my most favorite magazine next to Latin Inches, Family Circle.

The first half of the “film” was more predictable than watching that kid on yer left falling onto the pavement for the 17th time. Think She’s All That with less Prinze Jr. Plain Jane has a terrible life. Her dad died in an earthquake and is forced to be raised by her wicked step-mum (the ever cleavaged Jennifer Coolidge) and evil step-sistahs. She’s even forced to work at a diner! Oh the horror!!! Plain J dreams of going to Princeton and meets a feller from her high school on-line who wants to do the same thing. Our Jane keeps texting and IMing this Mr Right, who

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happens to be… wait for it… the school’s hunky QB, Mr Kool, but neither of them know it!!! Cue stoopid school dance with annoying DJ where the two will finally cross paths and destinies. Our Mr Kool is dressed as Prince Charming and our Jane as Cinderella. But here’s the catch, she’s wearing a mask, that barely covers her eyes, so her identity will remain a secret. The two share a magical evening filled with touching each other’s backs, until our Jane has to go back to work at the diner!! The whorer!!! I mean horror!!! Jane runs off before she reveals herself and Mr Kool is left with her cell phone. C’mon Mr Kool, how can you get into Princeton if you can’t even figure out that the chick with the slammin body isn’t Plain J? You can probably guess where the movie goes from here, but I’ll leave that to yer imagination as I guess none of you will see this movie ever.

Anywhoitz, this movie isn’t great, it’s not even good. Not even Paul Rodriguez’s appearance as the diner’s chef drums up any humor. And the best part of the movie was when the credits rolled to the tune of her and her sister’s rendition of “Our Lips Are Sealed.” But who cares? It was my first Duffmuncher flick and it was truly lust at first sight. I want to play with her hair using my toes. I want to rub ice cubes on her lips (the ones on her mouth silly) all day long. I want to spread JIF peanut butter all over her nose and lick it off with my tongue filled with jelly. I want to watch her get all wet gliding on a Slip ‘n Slide until the cows cum home. Maybe I can help mend the fences that have been built between her and the Lohan’s “retarded” feud.

Pee es – Now you can have the Fluffy Duffster call you or your friends!! [Link via Ultrahotttttie]