Goodbye, Mr. Chips

21. Jul, 2004 0 Comments

– Frito-Lay is the new TicketBastard/UnClearChannel. They’re claiming that people in specific markets prefer their chips to the far superior ma and pop chip companies like Jays, Utz, and Cape Cod. Sure we all love Doritos, Fritos, and anything else that ends in ‘ritos’, but Lays, or should I say Lames, leave the lil guys alone! And by the weigh, no one wants yer stoopid imitation Pringles that you coyly dubbed Stax chips. I haven’t been this upset about chips since I thought I was going into labor after downing a whole bag of Olestra-fused chips.

– Only losers go to Duke. But those losers now get free i-Pods. F-in losers.

– When we last saw Coldplay frontman/Paltrow-leg-humper, Chris Martin, he was hamming it up with The Nappies (a band only a mother of your child could enjoy). Well, apparent-lee he was also dueting with the master of roads and The Streets, Mikeyboy Skinner, on the soon to be hit single, “Dry Your Eyes”. Wonder why they dumped the version that he’s on? Hmmmmmm. Anywho, we’re dying to hear it, so if anyone gots a copy of it, throw it our way.

– Orson Welles must be puking peas in his grave. Why? P Diddy wants you to register to vote thru his non-profit/please look at me org Citizen Change. This is the grossest misuse of big daddy Kane‘s title since the Lithgow shitpic, Raising Cain or the James Woods/Joe Don Baker thing called Citizen Cohn. And I’m sure we’re not too far away from a Gus van Sux shot-by-shot remake with Vince Vaughn playing Charles Foster Kane.

– So many rides. So little pimping to do.

– Think you could gobble 20K Big Macs in yer life. Well, this Super-Size Me “co-star” did just that. Just for the record, I have consumed ZERO Filet o Fishes in my entire life. I’d rather have a 4 zillion trillion rooster-head Chicken McNuggets, then one o Fish.