Linkawhoreus Rex

So much shiz to ketchup on, so lets get this part-tay started…

– Star Wars: Episode Blah has a new name: Revenge of the Sith. George Puck-on-us, you already shat on my childhood, so why don’t you just do us all a favor and call the final piece of yer dung trilogy, Return of the Shitstain. And if Lobot doesn’t make an appearance in Sith, Linda Ronstadt and I will never bone you again!!

– So if I stop wearing furs and denounce my carnivoreship, can I hook up with some hot hippie chick all day long? (click on the video on the right side)

– Where do washed-up famous gay peoples find work? On a 24-hour gay network that needs to fill a lot of hours o’ programming. Welcome back to the working world Scott Thompson and Chastity Bono!!

– Everyone least favorite Jeopardy! contestant, KJ, ended the season on a high note. Cpt Boring broke the one-day record with $75K large, bringing his grand total after 38 episodes to $1,321,660. Wow, that’s more TV appearances than the entire cast of 21 Jump Street (sans J-Depp) has had after the show was cancelled. Poor Dustin Nguyen and Peter DeLuise. Maybe they can try to borrow some cash off of KJ when the show resumes on September 6th.

– Peace the mudder-fudge out to a man with one of the flyest names ever: Cotton Fitzsimmons.

– Ian Brown plays Stone Roses songs for the 1st time in almost ten years. Now do everyone a favor and get the band back together before someone dies.

– Amateur porno makers take note, cause Paris Hilton is once again open for bidness.

– News article that reinforces my point about F-9/11 only appealing to Democrats: few Republicans who have seen the movie appear to have been swayed by its propaganda. Anywho, the flick just crossed the 100 mil mark.

– Speaking of the erection, Bush Hopes to Sway Jewish Voters. Good luck with that one!

– This bird hates Dutch art.

– I love women, but I’d rather slit my eyes out or see League of Extraordinary Gentlemen than watch them play basketball. However I may have to waive my harsh policies since the NY Liberty have found temporary asylum at the infamous Radio City Music Hall, while MSG hosts the Resucklican Party Convention. How umcredible is that? If only they handed out free HJs and BJs then more men would go too!

– Trainspotting pub to close down.

– Ricky Williams chooses weed over the NFL. Glad the Skins passed up on that shlub-bub.

And here be a forkload of odd news (new and old) with major help from Flea’s Ho-bag:

– Police Seek Naked Fast-Food Patron. Hopefully he wasn’t covered in nacho cheese.

– Olsoivian hotel workers call to ban hotel porn. I guess they don’t want to make a profit anymore.

– Bush writes on dung. Fitting since his words are sh%t!

– 416 pounds of beauty.

– Women Plow In Nude To Relieve Drought. Is that how Borat’s wife died?

– DotComGuy changes name back to Mitch Maddox. Surprisingly, DotLoser is married. I bet her name was DotTunaCrotchChick.edu