Masters & Commandments The Faux Side of the World
22. Jul, 2004 
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– On behalf of yers truly, the Thigh Daddy, the BeastMaster, Blaster Master, Thunderdome‘s Master Blaster and the rest of the Master clan, we want to wish our cousin, the View-Master a merry 65th b-day. To celebrate, they’ve even inducted him into the National Toy Hall of Fame. Go get em Viewie!! Yer 3-D is butter than all of Jaws 3-D and the virtual reality in The Lawnmower Man. Speaking of, where have you gone Jeff Fahey? A nation turns its lonely eyes to you.
– Bush/Hitler comparison clip removed from Ozzfest video montage. I don’t think people would have complained as much if it was just a clip of A$$hole eating a watermelon.
– Tom & Jerry, the live action talk show. It’s not what you think.
– What on earth is Bert doing to Ernie? [NSFW thing via Zach de la Roachclip]
– Dan the Automat on board for Archduke’s follow-up?
– Dave Abbott challenges pretty boy Ken Jennings to a cage match to the death. “I think I could take him.”
– The grandest college basketball team in all the land, los Merryland Twerps, are headed to Italy this fall for a 12 day preseason tour. And Duke, they’ll be at home shining Mike Kyryewqssrkskikiesies’s johnson. And the nihilists, they’re going to cut off the Dude’s johnson. And the Dude, he’s got a great soundboard. Back to Twerp shariz: Welcome back Keith Booth!! And do you think Walt Williams still hangs out with Hootie and his Blowfish?
– Dem be some tall buildings.
– Leisure Suit Larry all over again?
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– 1 in 5 Germans drink to get drunk. What do the other 4 do? Have a bit of the olde stein-haussen-weiner-shintizel-fliz-huis-de-flughaufen and then gobble a watermelon?
– 21 days until the Athens games. Wake me up when it’s 2006, cold, and Johnny Mosley’s baking some more dinner rolls.
– Who created the scores for Planet Of The Apes, Total Recall, Gremlins, Chinatown, Hoosiers, many a Star Trek fliz, and yes, even The Twilight Zone? Oscar owner, Jerry Goldsmith, dats who. Well, he croaked Wednesday night. Peace the f%@k out dawwwwwwwwg.
– Some say breastesiest Goonies website out there. Some of those people are these people people.
– Join the Army and get bigger breasts or a smaller nose for free!!
– Those Dutch make killer pancakes, dope, and windmills. Apparently, they’re also tall is fork.
– And word on the street is that Lindsay Lohan ate lunch yesterday. I heard she also had something to drink, but when we contacted her reps, they responded with “No comment.”
