And The Breast Is History
29. Aug, 2004 
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– Welcome back to the House of Her Royal Thighness. First off, the Lohan, was almost KILLED on the set of Herbie: Redux!! Secondly, Momma Lohan sez that dem ‘promise rings’ do not mean that her daughter and the Fez are engaged. And lastly, which duo has the mostestist fun, carries the mostestist designer bags, owns the greatestist set of funbags this side of Elvira, and has the combined IQ of melba toast? Yep, Lohan and her ‘mentor’, Tara Reid. And not only that, but both of em are vying to be Paris Hilton’s best friend. [2nd to last via F Scott WITZgerald]
– Former WWF giant, The Ultimate Warrior has hit rock bottom… and I ain’t talking about a brewery neither. Go on and bid on his two championship belts AND some of his finest panties and wristbands. [via Navi the Terrible]
– More eBay fun: Dying to win a phonecall from a drunk and armless midget? You missed the boat. [via Zach de la Roachlip]
– Lend a hand (or a vagina) and please help de-virginize Marc. His greatestist achievement in life is when he finished second in his 2nd grade spelling bee!! Go gettem girls!! [via BadGas]
– Wanna be cultured as quickly as possible? Go to these five museums in less than four hours like The Thigh Master and The Steiner did: The Met, The Gugg, The Whit, The Neue, & The Frick.
– Khaaan!!!.com (speaker on, brain off) And if you don’t know what that means, yer obviously not a golfer. [via Boris Becker]
– And speaking of pointless internet stuff, You’reTheManNowDog.com has seen better days.
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– Thigh Master fact: everyone in my high school Algebra class owned a TI-80, eggcept for me.
– Fatboy Slim and Bootsy C team up for a remake of Steve Miller’s ‘The Joker’ (listen here, Real Media style). Eeeek!! Lettuce pray that the FBS and Damon Albarn pairing fairs better.
– Stop me if you heard this one before: A bear walks into a hospital…
– The wonderful thing about Tiggers is Tiggers have the best lawyers.
– I heard about people living out of their cars, but this is juss too f-in recockulus.
– Weezer dump Rick Rubin-produced tracks and go back to school, literally.
– JibJab.com vs. Woody Guthrie’s peoples. If you can’t beat em, at least take a percentage of the profits.
– Barbie has a last name, and it’s not Queue.
– Dem cartoon bunnies are at it again. This time it’s Jaws in 30 seconds.
– And here at Thighs Wide Shut, we aim to make you crap yer pants laughing, not make you cry yer eyes out. All apologies to my CityRagDoll. But if we happen to make you all wet and juicy, please email us, or at least send us cookies!!
