Grab A Shovel& Dig Right In

Dig!

Dug Dig!? Yep, Dig! Dug!

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This udderly fascinating and engaging documentary peers in at one of mod rock’s greatest rivalries that no one even knows eggsists: The Brian Jonestown Massacre vs The Dandy Warhols. Director Ondi Timoner followed each of the bands for seven grueling years, on a shoe-string budget, and had unlimited access to all the partying, fighting, arrests, and the unrelievable music that kept them movin’ fwd. The focal point of the doc is on both bands’ frontmen, BJM’s Anton Newcombe and DW’s Courtney Taylor (who’s a Bitched @ Swirth candidate with actor Jonathan Rhys-Meyers). At first the two were the breastest of friends (some say BFF), but as the Dandy’s star was on the rise to the mainstream, the Brian Jonestown cru refused to leave the underground, paving a way for bitterness and a rivalry that only Anton seemed to care about. And what happened in between is beautifullyistically captured for us to see. Now it’s really hard to make a bad documentary, unless of course yer name is Nick Broomfield, but Timoner is pretty f-in ingenious to give us 2 in 1. 2004 has not only been a frantastic year for documentaries, but specifically for musical ones. Metallica’s made us sympathize with a band we could care less for, KROQ’s Rodney Bingenheimer’s made us whimper for a man we had no idea was important, and Dig! reminded us that beyond the record sales and flashy videos, the mostest important thing in music is the music itself and if it’s any good. In the cases of The Brian Jonestown Massacre and The Dandy Warhols, the answer is yes, two times over.

Other notes:

– Ex-BJM tambourine man, Joel Gion, is the coolest cat in the entire world. He also has the finest taste in shades.

– Dandy Zia McCabe’s breasts are quite hypnotizing. Bovs dem beauties til dawn.

– Lamp-chomp sideburns need a 4th coming

– Ex-BJM bassist, Matt Hollywood should play John Lennon in a movie

– Don’t bother buying the BJM’s albums, as you can download them all off their website fo free!

– SEE THE FRIGGIN FLICK OR I’LL KICK YOU IN THE HEAD LIKE MY NAME WAS ANTON NEWCOMBE!!

Open Water

I’m Never Leaving Land Again

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I never found The Blair Witch Project all that scary. Maybe cause it BLEW DONKEY BALLS, but also cause I couldn’t buy into the whole boogey man factor. On the flipsyde, with about the same Bar Mitzvah video budget, we have Open Water. This is a highly realistic, albeit horribly acted, albeit one scene with boobies, and harrowing film about two people left for dead in the middle of the ocean. It also doesn’t hurt that it was based off a true story. The entire time, I kept saying to me-self, “Brain, what the fudge would we do in this situation?” But who cares about me, just stay out of the water and see this moovie. And the ending may sirprize you. (OK, they wash up on a shore, become friends with a beach ball, and build a 4 story house out of FedEx boxes… WHOOPS, did I just give it away?)

The Last Shot

They Should Have Given The Script A Few More Shots

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Everything was in place for an enjoyable night at the movies: Based on a true story (I’m a sucker for those), Alec Baldwin’s producer-hungry FBI agent squaring off with hapless writer/director Matthew Broderick, Calista Flockhart giving us our first Flockhard-on (or should that be Ally McBoner?), Tony F-in Shalhoub (!), and Buck Henry donning a wig that made em look like Gus van Sant. How could this not be supercalifragilelisticexbealadocious? Plain and nipple simple, the laffs were too between far and few and far between. Toni Collette peeing in a bottle? That’s like ditching “I didn’t do it” for “Woozle Wuzzle“. “That’s what passes for entertainment these days?

Alphaville

We Gotta Get Out Of This Place

If It’s The Last Thing We Ever Do

Black & White. French. About the future but looks more like the 50s. Sounds like a snoozefest, right? Yep, pretty much. Many hail this Jean-Luc Godard flick as a classic, well, eye moz certainly aint part of this many, mo, or jackshitcrap. It’s big on ideas, but there are 847238548657 other futuristic films that relay the same message, and they’re not as incomprehensible or in French! Netflix his masterpeace Contempt instead. At least in that one you get to see every inch of Brigitte Bardot’s succulent body.