Keep Your Thighs On The Prize

– The National Enquirer are friggin geniusesses. Not cause they have the scoop on Calista Flockhart returning to her home planet of Lipsezzes, but cause last week they beat me to the punch on a headline I could of used on this site (see right, below her feet). [via DJ Southern Fried Rebel]

– Speaking of Ms Thang, Lohan and Mark Ruffles Potato Chips were honored at the Diversity Awards. How could the Double L win one of these thangs when the Awards ‘celebrate diverse achievements in film and television‘? Do you think playing a buxom high school teenager in 4 movies is diverse? Watch yer merry lil steps Meryl Streep!!!

– Britney calls it a day… for now. Possible future replacements as the sluttiest person in entertainment: Jamie Lynn Spears, Dakota Fanning, Charlotte Church, Inconsiderate Cellphone Man, and ROB from Gyromite.

– Playboy is hot to get ye olde hottie Susan Sarandon undressed. My left hand and Jergens® are too!!

– ESPN released their pre-season College B-ball Top 25 Rankings. Da ACC (the greatistist of em all) occupies 6 of dem spots. And since me beloveded Twerps are ranked #10, as usual they’ll probably lose a few or their early games, drop out of the Top 25, beat some highly ranked squads, make the tourney, only to lose in the second round. CAN’T F-IN WAIT!!

– Bush’s thought process EGGSPLAINED!! Read this shiz and tell me you still want to vote for this Commander In Thief.

– You thought Apple Blythe Martin was an oddleistic name? How bout Sir Bob Geldof’s daughters: Pixie, Fifi Trixibelle, Peaches Honeyblossom, and of course Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily? Who cares, I’d love to pick Pixie’s pocket and see if Peaches’ peach is fuzzy or not!

– Sam Mendes and Shrek team up for Broadway. Screw that, bring on Toy Story: The Musical or Rosie O’Donnell’s Head Meets Mr Guillotine.

– Peace the fork out Pierre Salinger. Yer eyebrows belong in the Hall of Fame next to Andy Rooney’s, Martin Scorsese’s, and of course, NY1’s own George Whipple da III’s.

– Air, Dizzee Rascal, Nellie McKay and TV on the Radio are scheduled to perform at the Shortlist ceremony at the Avalon Theater in Hollywood on November 15. More names to be added.

– Get yer free tickets to tapings of Jimmy Kimmel and Carson Daly. Btw, wtf is the deal with The Jon Spencer Blues Explosion being Daly’s ‘house band’ for an entire week? That makes about as much sense as Jews for Jesus.

– THE REDSKINS WON A GAME!!! Joe Gibbs is the messiah and we’re going to beat the Patriots in the Super Bowl!!!

– Club Paris. I wish that first word was used as a verb and not a noun.

– Break out yer 20-sided dice and max out dem hit points cause Dorks & Dwebs Dungeons & Dragons turned 30 this past weekend!! And in honor of the event, we should all burn every DVD copy in eggsistance of the self-titled movie starring Jeremy Irons. Jeremy’s Iron? Mm hmm, well that’s…very good…for a first try. You know what? I have a ball. Perhaps you’d like to bounce it?

– Did you know that some 40 percent of Albanians have no street address?

– And finally, Crazy Horse Kin Want Strip Club Renamed