The Seed of Corky

– How could ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’ be voted the wurstest song ever? Unless they were talksin’ about the butchered version by Patti LuPone and her Life Goes On castmates. Speaking of, I juss wanna note that LGO was one of my mostest favortitistic shows as a young lad. One day, long ago, I was sort of making fun of the way Corky talked and my dad gave me a mouthful of Q-Bert noises (something like $%&#!). Ever since that day I have not made fun of mentally handicapped people and have been uber-sensitive when other people do so. How f#&ing retarded is that, eh? And since we’re on the subject, Kid Kadoji once told me that the Corkmiester used to semi-stalk Dana Delaney, whose China Beach (another Thigh Master ABC fav!) set was nearby. Hey did you mention Life Goes On? Well I’d pay a zillion dollars to get a copy of the episode where the Corkster sings ‘Fight The Power’ in front of his school. Apparently 7 people believe that that was the moment when the shark was jumped. And to close off this pair-a-graf, hire Chris ‘Corky’ Burke for your next event.

– The mostest misleading headline that almost gave me a reverse boner: Lindsay Lohan Talks ’70s, Wilmer; Admits Part Of Her Body Isn’t Real.

– The UK gov-mint gives the OK for some broad called the Duchess of Northumberland to grow pot, opium, magic mushrooms, tobacco, and the coca plant (home of coke classic and cocaine) in her garden. Does anyone have this bizatch’s digits?

– The Smiths. The musical? Big crap strikes again!

– Remember that Norwegian couple who boned on a stage whilst Kristopher Schau and the Cumshots rocked out at a Norwegian music festival? We’ll that couple were out of order when they went to court.

– German, single, and looking for a lil action? Head on over to yer local Wal-Mart. [via Made of Brawnsteeen]

– 2005 in NYC is gonna ROCK! And Yanni’s RCMH shows will usher in said ROCKness! [via The ThinkPader]

– Why isn’t there a Channel One on TV (eggcept for NY1 and their fine ‘Weather on the 1s’)? [via Ask Yazoo]

– 10 x 10, for those who don’t like to read the news.

– The wurstest SS since WWII: Sauerkraut Smoothie

– MenWithoutHats.com. The reason why the internets was invented.

– Who’s flying with me to Japan this winter to catch that t.A.T.u. anime?

– A man allegedly groped two home health care nurses while posing as a mentally retarded man who needed his diapers changed. Shame on you, you insensitive and peppermintative bastard!!

– Man Says He Was Blinded 4 Times in 1 Eye. Tara Reid’s areola could not be reached for comment.

– Darth Vader hearts Heidi Klum and low low prices? [via Double Vikes]

– Finally, one of the HUGESTEST PEACE THE FORKS OUT has gots to go to Yasser ‘Do I look ara-fat in this coffin?‘ Arafat. I think that was the first time I ever said ‘YES!’ when I heard of their fork peacing. Am I evil? Yes. But wasn’t Yasser? Yessir! Be sure to catch his final movie this winter: The Life Aquatic with Yasser Zissou