Devane In The Membrane
11. Jan, 2005 
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CTU is in shambles these days. What kind of a counter-terrorism unit fires its best, and most proficient mouth breather, yet retains the services of the ever annoying and Dark Crystal lookin Chloe O’Brian/Mary Lynn Rajskub, hires an inept and bumblin’ ex-Sopranos FBI agent, and assigns one of it’s finest wurst wurstest wurstestest special agents, Erin E-coli, to run the place. I mean, not only does her character make disastrous decisions about every 4 seconds, but she is one le mos awful awfuller awfulistic microwaved-tunaish actresses in modern history. And what’s with that fugtacular hair bizatchazoid? You’re so tres nasT, that I’d rather bang Nina Bangs or Lester Bangs, than get anywhere near you and yer she-bangs.
Anywho, I think the show needs an complete overhaul. Instead of hatin’ on Muslims all of the time, they should focus their attentions to Native Americans trying to do some of dat hard-core buffalo terrorism, where they poison our wing supply. They should also let a topless Bree Van Der Kamp (NSFW) run CTU, with a crack team of skilled youngins including Kim Cuthy Cuthrenisian, myself, Lukas Haas, Corey Haim, Alex Winter, Billy Zabka,
– This just in: PITT & ANISTON SPLITSVILLE! DEWEY DEFEATS TRUMAN! KERRY CHOOSES GEPHARDT! THIGHSMAN LOVES CORN!
– Records are made to be broken, even if they involve Rubik’s Cube [wma vid via Lou Malnati’s #1 Fan]
– McShoarma: the commercial. [via Ultrrramint via Jedidiah]
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– Speaking of McDoogle’s, who knew they had a catalog, let alone one loaded with such goodies as: a Big Mac lookin’ mug/pen/towel/paper cube, Let’s Go To McDonald’s® Game (it’s no game, it’s a lifestyle), Titleist® balls, Ronald action figure set, more mugs, am ‘i’m lovin’ it™‘ Trucker’s hat and what has got to be their lowest selling item, a gym bag.
– Jay-Z vs. Nena, ‘99 Luft Problems‘. Thanks gord! I mean, how many moons is this mash-up overdue? [via My Man Marvkus via Leafblower via BlueState]
– BRIT Awards noms announced. U2, Archdukes, and Scizssiors Sistahs will perform. Why do American award shows, besides the Oscars, blow kak muffins?
– Lettuce all cross our finger-banging fingers for a Director’s Cut of Twin Peaks: Fire Walk With Me. Hopefully one of the 17 cut scenes features Chris Isaak serenading a heavy breathing Kiefer Sutherland with ‘Wicked Game’, while a midget dances.
– Best of luck Halps. Send me some neutral chocolate, watches, and bank accounts. And if you see Pirmin Zurbriggen or Simon Ammann, do send my love.
– Mouse pad couch. [via Steak & Shaker]
– ‘Dizzee Rascal likes razzleberry falafel waffles‘. What kind of genius could pen such penis (genius + pen = penis)? Yeats? Keats? Yates? Tina Yothers? Nope, the Coz.
– Man Eats Raw Duck Before Undies Save Him. Come again? …and all over my face?
– And did I mention how much 24 is lacking in uber-udder-ultra-ulti-umbro-hotness this season? I mean, no one could run away from homicidal maniacs, bears, and Matt Dillon’s brother AND look good, they that you did kid. Kisses on yer Hershey highway to your thighway.
