The Philly CheeseMISteak
08. Feb, 2005 
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In the twenty-seven years of my existence, I had never visited the City of Brotherly Love. Quite a shame too considering I only grew up 2 1/2 hours away in sunny Rocktown, USA. Well, since this was a week of firsts, like downing a can of Sparks and falling asleep at a concert, I figure, hey, why not go 3 for 3 and head to the city where cheesesteaks were born. But before we delve into the great Cheesesteakdebate, did you know that Philly is not only the home of the cereal bar Cereality, but also of Mother’s Day? You can blame them for forcing us to love our Mothers only one day a year!
Did you also know that when you walk down any street, you can hear Bruce Springsteen’s ‘Streets of Philadelphia’? Or that they love setting trashcans on fire (even before the big game)?
Did you know that my 7-layer dip was declared the national dip of PencilveinHEYya?
OK, you’ve waited long enuff. But before we can hand down our verdick on les steaks del chez, be sure you brush up on the rules of ordering that make the Soup Nazi look like DDE…
If you’ve been to Philly, you know of the Triple Crown of cheesesteaks: Pat’s (the original), Geno’s (it’s bastard neighbor), & Jim’s (the Donruss Rated Rookie). On my trip, my stomach only had time for the first two, so this isn’t a pure scientific study in noshing. Anywho, to get straight to the point, I muss say, The Great Philly Cheesesteak is about a big a myth as Paul Bunyan and that case of herpes I supposedly had in ’79, when I was only 2 years old. Yeah folks, I’ve had better cheesesteaks at my ye olde local dumphole pizza shop than at either Pat’s AND Geno’s. And boy do I wish that Clara Peller was with me, cause I really needed an old lady to shout “Where’s the Beef!” Or, where’s Shia Labeouf? Next time I’m in town, I’ll hit up Jim’s, who I hear has the best of the 3, but I’m not counting on anything. Maybe I’d be better off going to the Philadelphia Cream Cheese Factory instead. I hear it’s really super hard to mess up something like that!
