Weak End In RevuePt XIICLMIIXXIIX

Maryland, My Maryland, oh how I love thee so. For thy are our nation’s greastist, yet mostest underrated state. Can you alls/Lou Rawls name a state more uglifiedly shaped, yet calls Jousting it’s stately sport? Didn’t michael spinks so. And where do you think the land that is Washington, DC came from? Ulysses S Grant’s Tomb? Nope, Murrland. Actually, it used to be a full diamond shape til the vaginas of Virginia decided it needed it back so it could build strip malls and awful highways, byways, and sideways. And don’t even stephen get me started on our flag. It’s not only the nation’s breastest, but the world’s. And don’t u dare call us racialists! Why, anyone can enjoy the flag’s majesticallyfullalicious, from white bidness men, to smart Asian lads, to kids with developing ‘fros, to even fat kids who like holding framed documents! See what I mean…

• Confirmed: La Pizzeria in Rockville makes a better steak & cheese than anywhere in Philabrokeia. Btw, anyone know whatever happened to Jiffy Sub Shop in Congressional? Their steak & egg was the dill’s sweat.

• Confirmed Pt II: the best chicken fingers AND honey mustard that I’ve ever thrown down my thrizz come from Houston’s on the Pike. It’s so forking good that they took it off their menu, still serve it, yet u juss need to be in the know and asks for it! Take that In & Out Berger with yer retardito secret menu of 2nd rate FatBurgernessness!!!

• Confirmed Pt III: Ledo Pizza can easily make me forget the ummazingness that is Domino’s thin crust.

• Confirmed Pt IV: Dairy Queen is the bee’s fleas.

• I’m not very good at crosswords.

• My parents are to be buried in the same cemetery as Skins’ owner Daniel Snyder and his family. WOOO-WHO!!!

• Speaking of, local residents aren’t very pleased with the Skins and lack of General Management. Like Annie, I sez who cares, cause they’re gonna win the Super Bowl this year (and every year).

• NYC’s subway desperately needs an electronic sign on the platforms alerting the riders approx-em-met-lee when the next train is coming juss like DC’s Metro.

• Reading the sports page is much butter than reading it online. Yet, who wants to read about fishing in print or online?

• My mom doesn’t know what an iPod is.

The following are epiphanies epiphanized after watching the wonderful ’69er flick Bob & Carol & Ted & Alice:

• The Austin Powers outfit was directly lifted from Robert Culp’s digs when they went to Vega$ (sorry no pic could be found). Also, the song ‘What the World Needs Now is Love’ first appeared in B&C&T&A and of course again in AP. No proof eggsists to my claim. Shame on you IMDB.

• Dyan Cannon actually had an acting career!! I thought her only job was being a Lakers fan with les nasty hair!

• If Natalie Wood were alive today, I’d ask her if I could make love to her eyes. I’d still settle for lovely daughter Natasha. And if yer reading this Na-tay-nay, my # is 1-900-MIX-A-LOT.

And in closing…

• In 1994 (?) me and the Power Rangers possssee got our socks rocked off by the umredible Magnapop at the ye old 9:30 Club (when it was a small dumphole). It’s now 10+ years later and the only thing thats changed is my love for beard-sportin’. I checked the M-poppers at the Velvet Lounge with Joe E Tatar & Ray-Kwan the Chef, and although their new album isn’t as hard hittin as THE MUSS OWN Hotboxing (only 7ty-5 cent at Half.com!!!), Linda and Ruthie still rocketh my socketh. I even stalked Linda and forced her to take a picture conmigo on my seldom used camera phone…