Waxin’ & Relaxin’
06. May, 2005 
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House of Wax
Wax Off ON!
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Sick of all these horror remakes that are about as scary as The Great Muppet Caper? Well BREAST assure peeps, cause the House of Wax is the real deal! And by real deal, I mean GREATEST HORROR MOVIE STARRING PURTY DURTY TEENS SINCE Scream, as I declared after catching it at the Tribeca Film Fest. Don’t spank me wrong, this isn’t on par with the hedgemazingness of The Shining, but with all the poop-a-doop that the studios have been shoving down our thrizz as of late (Freddy vs. Pointless, The Michael Bay Massacring of The Entire Horror Genre) I was udderly sirprized at how enthralling AND thrilling it truly was. About an hour into the movie, me was thinking to meself, hey me, this movie has gone on for about an hour and you know what me, it DOESN’T SUCK!! It also didn’t hurt that this is the first movie starring Elisha Cuthbest, post-Her Royal Thighness the II coronation, so o’ course I’m gonna give this movie the highest of high marks I can gives it. I mean, I still wanna get laid by the Mrs, right? In total, there must of been 54 qts of liquid (drool & jizz) emitted by me during the course of the film (ranks 3rd best of all time in my record books). And aint dem wax figures naturally freaky by design? I know they scare the livin bejesus outta me… hispecially this one I saw of Whoopi Goldberg in San Antonio. I’ve seen the original 3-D version of H of W and Paris wuz right, she and Elisha are much hotter than Vincent Price. I’d like to add that their version is also much hottier and scarier too! See it NOW, or I’ll have Jack Bauer come to your house and scream ‘NOW’ in your ears until they bleed wax.
Recommended for those who like: sweaty men, dirty laundry, and seeing Coach Carter’s son spend a night in Paris.
Possible Porno Name: House of Wax Dat Ass, DUHVS!
Unsatisfied with this? Then you obvs aint a ThighsWideReader. Go back to your boring sites or wherever u came from and NEVER come back!
