You Shows Wisely

30. May, 2007 0 Comments

In life, as the Grail Knight sagely and parsley sez, we muss choose, but we muss choose wisely. For if we choose poorly, we may end up like ye olde Walter Donovan, but if we choose wisely, we can led a happier, ~~healthier life~~ wealthier wife into leaving all her ducats in our name when she decides to kick the charlie bucket. Since we don’t advocate sugarmommying and/or murder, we want to help you choose quality TV shows that will not only waste your time, but you thyme AND your rosemary as well!

I’m sure about .000000001% of you subscribe to Showtime. And if you do fall under that minority then I’m sure yer already thoroughfarely enjoying The Tudors. If not, then you should be either beheaded or have a sixth finger sewn onto your left hand like the great Tyrone Rugen or Anne Boleyn, who’s totally been hottied up for our benefit (see above). C’mon yolks, is there anything besterer than Jonathan Rhys Meyers gaying it up as Henry the VIII? What if I told you that there’s plenty o’ boobs, butts AND that dude from Clear and Present Danger? I can already hear you dialin up yer cable co and adding on Showtime now! OK, so Showtime shows the wurstest movies of balls thyme, but they also got Weeds and Dexter, they boths busters my poin!

Lookin for something a lil less royal, but still with plenty o’ cheese (not to be confused with Plenty O’Toole)? Thought so you stoopid fargin icehole!!! That’s why the genius cockmuffins over at DIC invented the bestest Saturday morn thang since the Pac-Man cartoon: Dance Revolution. This show is aimed at gettin lazy arsed tweens off the couch and shakin their booty, but like Invisible Ink, this shiz is beyond suitable for anyone aged 12 to 112! Hosted by speed freak Brit DJ Rick (he looks like the bastard son of James Burke and Jarvis Cocker), DR pits dance duos against each other for phat scholarship monies. What, did I lose ya at tweens? What if I told you that the guest judges, including this d-bag, are more ghetto than the Ghetto Revival? Or that they teach you moves that are more right than if they were choreographed by Craig T Nelson? I still don’t gots ya? OK, this is the final bendy straw: The NY Times worthy Slumber Party Girls, SPG for short, provide all the hot tunes for the show. Never heard of them? That’s the club that I was in 2 months ago before I got hooked on their fun, refarted and darn right catchy Mccathyson ditties. There’s a lota payolacrapola on the radio, and if people love that shaz, there’s no reason why they shouldn’t heart the SPGers. I hate all that other Fergie crap, but I loves me that SPG album. Hell, you can get yer own used copy, and the shipping will cost more than the actual disc!