Dream Theater

December Boys
Australia’s Least Wanted
Trailers

For better or worse, December Boys will always be known as Daniel Radcliffe’s first post-Potter flick. And he’s mos certainly miles away from Hogwarts here, playing the cigarette-smoking, puberty-horny, spectacle-free Maps (sounds like his uber-breastness appearance on Extras). Maps is the eldest of four boys (each with similarly odd names: Misty, Sparks and Spit), who get a summer holiday away from the church orphanage on a remote Australian coast (dat’s right, December is a summer month for those south of the equator, ya big dummies). While the younger trio dream and dream of being adopted, and even more so when a rumor flies that a childless couple at this seaside retreat is interested in such a thing, Maps’ accepts the bad hand he’s been dealt and tries his damnedest to hurry up his maturation process. A few trips to a cave with a randy young girl seem to help temporarily, but what about in the long run? Have no fear, as the fond reflecting narration of that one great summer unravels, you juss know that every thing’s going to end up a-ight. December Boys is kinda like Stand By Me, yet with no Ray Brauer‘s body drama to keep you glued to your seat. Sure, this flick may be a lil on the vanilla side, but by the end, yer gonna wanna adopt all four of these lil buggers!

Tatooine You: why does Jack Thompson look so darn familiar? Cause he totally was banging Anakin’s mom as Cliegg ‘Father of Owen’ Lars in Attack of The Clones

John Grisham’s Jizzum (aka Verdict): Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Great World of Sound
Con Hot Air
Trailer

I really really wanted to like this no-budget film, but as it dragged on and on, I kept getting angrier and angrier with it. Maybe that was its intention, but I’d rather be friends with a film than an enemy of it. So what got me so flustered? There’s two cons games constantly being played, and for all those involved, it’s juss too darn aggravating that they can’t see they’re being tricked. Our two main novice A&R characters travel the country selling dreams of stardom to ungifted musicians, but in the process, it’s their own legs that are being pulled by the home office, who are more interested in securing dollars than talent. To make my depression worse, the musicians endlessly auditioning before our eyes aren’t actors, but real people, who actually responded to vague newspaper ads that they hoped would fufill their dreams. So not only are they being conned in the movie, but for the movie. Sure, it makes for a more realistic film, but to me, that reality bites

For The Record: director Craig Zobel is a co-founder of Homestar Runner, and the mos excellent Kene Holliday was not only Matlock‘s boy, but the voice of GI Joe‘s Roadblock!!!!!! Yo!

until next thyme the balcony is clothed…