Revenge of The Mortimer Snerds

05. Sep, 2008 0 Comments

Mister Foe
Oedipus Wrecks
Trailers & Mo

Hallam Foe (Billy Elliot‘s Jamie Bell) is unwilling to let the memory of his mother’s suicide by drowning go (no more rhymes, we mean it, anybody wanna play Scene It?). The tragic event has stunted his growth, as he’s filled his adolescence of solitude with a lotta tom foolery and peeping tomage. To make splatters worse, he suspects his father (CiarÃ¡n Hinds, secretly the world’s greatestist actor) of having something to do with her untimely death, so he could take a new wife (welcome back Claire Forlani). Father, stepmother and son can’t live in harmony together, so Hallam has no choice but to escape this life and start a new one in Edinburgh. There he spots a cutie patootie bidness lady (hottie Sophia Myles, one of the only redeeming bits and NSFW pieces of Art School Confidential), who eerily resembles his mother, and it sparks a disturbing chain of events that will draw the two of them closer together. Presenting a perverse love story with flawed characters is nothing new for director David Mackenzie, especially if you’ve seen his Young Adam (where Ewan McGregor flung a lotta food on a nekkid Emily Mortimer [NSFW]), and once again, while it all may be a bit uneasy to watch, with no characters to really root for, you can’t help but be sucked into the film that’s filled with fantastic performances (including Jamie Sives, Maurice RoÃ«ves and the always incomprehensible Ewen Bremner) and one killer soundtrack (Franz, Clinic, Sons and Daughters, etc). Hallam Foe reminded us a lot of Max Fisher from Rushmore. They are both motherless misfits, who get way too emotionally in over their heads with an older woman, get burned, but in the process grow up. These aren’t average tales of teen rebellion, but then again, those teen characters aren’t very average to begin with, and that’s what makes both of these flicks stunningly complex and compelling

We Wanna Befriend This Foe: although she’s barely in the movie, playing Hallam’s sister, model turned actress Lucy Holt has juss replaced Torry as our #1 fantasy option

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peeping Tomers

Ping Pong Playa
& Everybody Wants To Be Italian
Ethnic Slurries
Ping Pong Trailers & Mo | Italian Trailers & Mo

If you see two comedies this year, whatever you do, DO NOT LET THEM BE Ping Pong Playa and Everybody Wants To Be Italian. If you took a dump and threw it on screen, it would be fleventeen times funnier than both of these movie combined. Italian-Playa are so downright humorless that they make Christopher Guest’s overhyped-underipe misfire For Your Consideration look about as Oscar worthy as Idiocracy’s Ass, which took home 8 Oscars in the year 2505, including best screenplay. You know how a lotta DVDs include deleted scenes? Well Italian-Playa are two movies filled with nuttin but deleted scenes. They’re so rotten and lame-stream that they feel like failed TV pilots that no one would ever bother to make cause they’re about as original as Kennedy Fried Chicken. Italian is by far the wurser of the two evils, and that’s purely based on the runtime (don’t think we needed 4 scenes of nuttin but early morning jogs). It’s a romantic-‘comedy’ that’s aiming to be the Tuscan-American version of My Big Fat Greek Snooze Fest, but it’s more like going to the Olive Garden for authentic Italian food. The biggest names in the cast are supporting players Laverne, Dan Cortese of MTV Sports fame, Fletch’s editor and Carl the Janitor from The Breakfast Club. Did we lose you already? If we didn’t, then czech out the previous [NSFW] work of its star Cerina Vincent, who played the Shannon Elizabethish naked foreign exchange student in Not Another Teen Movie. As for Playa, it was a huge personal disappointment for us since we’re such big fans of doc director Jessica Yu (In the Realms of the Unreal and Protagonist). Yu is so out of her league here, handing in a poorly acted and constructed full-length narrative debut that leaves little left to be desired for whatever her next fictional project may be. She woulda been better off making a documentary about Ping Pong instead. Many of you loathed last year’s Balls of Fury (we didn’t), and if that’s the case, you might as well swear off ping-pong flicks for the rest of yer life

The Story Is Utah: although this space coulda been reserved for Cerina Vincent’s NSFW work, we dug up this gem while putzin around the nets for Fletch’s editor, Theatrically Released Feature Films with Major Characters who are Latter-day Saints/Mormons

Verdictgo: both are Slit Your Eyes Out Repoopulous to the CrÃ¨me de ^Menthe degree

Transsiberian
Strangers On A Train
Trailers & Mo

Emily Mortimer is adorable and easily startled (and also a Non-Us Hottie), Woody Harrelson is nutty, Kate Mara looks like a raccoon, Eduardo Noriega is smokin hot (love this pic), and Ben Kingsley is appearing in his 2184938219th film this year with his 1283982929th different accent. Put em all together with some heroin and matryoshka dolls on the world’s longest train that goes from China to the Hoth Systemeish parts of Russia and whats yous gets is a slow simmering, nice little thriller that’s sure to satisfy all the Ping Pong Playa haters out there