Thighs Wide Shut

Prom
Zero Drama BUT 100% Fun
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 103 min

High school was a mighty awesome time (hope it was for you too), but we’re glad that it’s over and that we don’t have to deal with it ever again in real life.  As for reel life, we don’t want high school to ever end.  Besides dystopian flicks, it’s one our most favorite genres of cinema.  No joke.  The young and innocent are carefree and fun.  The old are slower paced and complicated.  Certified Copy is old, slower paced and complicated.  Disney’s Prom is young and innocent (PG!!!!), very carefree and a whole lot of fun.  They both happen to be the only films we’ve loved this year.  Yes, you read that correctly, but remember, it’s been a lousy year for movies thus far

Is Prom really that good?  Well, it’s no Mean Girls (remember when Lohan was awesome??!?!?), and it’s not really even all that good, in terms of character, plot and style, but for what it is, it is eggzactly what it aims to be, what it needs to be, and what it is be –  FUN!!!!  And simple fun at that!  Just a bunch of charming teens, who are actually teens and not 39 year olds pretending to be, trying to get their prom on and that’s that.  Nothing more, nothing less

While this film is geared towards the lil ladies (our screening was filled with nuttin but), this one’s for the fellas too.  Dudes, yer telling me you don’t want to watch FNL‘s darling daughter Aimee Teegarden look pretty and wear tight hugging outfits for 100+ minutes????  While she tries her best to be turned off by a handsome Tim Riggins-esque rogue (Thomas McDonell), but of course she’ll eventually let down her goodie-three-shoes guard and fall for him like we did (guess this flick works for straight AND gay men)???  You want to say no to that?  Plus there’s even more candy to look at (Danielle Campbell, Kylie Bunbury and Madison Riley… see below), lovable dorks (Nolan Sotillo and Cameron Monaghan), a guy who looks like a turtle (DeVaughn Nixon), a junior Lloyd Dobler (Nicholas Braun), a stoner who we never see get stoned but loves Rolos so much so that that’s his name  (Joe Adler), Walter White’s jerky bro-in-law (Dean Norris), oldie hotties Faith Ford and Amy Pietz with nothing to do but be old and hotttt, and Emily Valentine from 90210 (Christine Elise) serving milkshakes!!!  If this doesn’t sound like fun to you, then you don’t know what fun is and you should hand in yer fun card and be forced to go back to high school!!!

Prom Dates: if we had to choose (Danielle C is too young), we wouldn’t and take both Teegarden

AND Riley

Verdictgo: for what it is BREAST IN SHOW

Prom is king AND queen at a theater near jews today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Scream 4
Ghostface Knows No Rust
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 111 min

A franchise’s fourth entry, delivered a decade after its forgettable third, is destined directly for the dust bin, damn’i’right?  Such is NOT the case whatsoever with Scream 4, which somehow, someway, somewhy flows fun new blood into a worn body we all left for dead.  Yes!!!  Believe you we, if this movie was any bit a crap-stain, we’d be the first to tell you that it’s the wurstestest!  Wes Craven keeps the dark alight, and Kevin Williamson gets his script data all meta and stuff, and it works works works!  And while most movies like this tire and get all too redonkeloyous as it progresses towards its end, this movie goes in the opposite direction.  You start off watching it going, OK, been there, done that, hardy har, yadda yaddle, but gotta say, by the time we get to the unmasking, shiz was almos as satisfying as eating 8 Snickers!!!!  It’s true!

And the nicest thing about it all?  Scream 4 is like a haven for actors that Hollywood’s lost sight of, and need work, cause there’s nothing wrong with their talents.  Folks like Neve Campbell (we kinda wish this was Sarah Michelle Gellar’s role, so we could see her again), David Arquette (his character and mustache deserve their own spin-off), Courteney Cox (although her face is more frightening than ghostface’s), Marley Shelton (those eyes! THOSE EYES!!!), and even guys like Anthony Anderson (OK, so maybe he gets a lot of work, but it aint all good work) and Adam Brody (we sob for you Seth Cohen!).  Plus you know all the ingénues put on display here will soon enuff be yesterday’s ingé-news, juss like the aforementioned peeps.  Kids like Hayden Panettiere (having the most fun), Aimee Teegarden (FNLILTF: Friday Night Lighter I’d Like To F$%k), Shenae Grimes (her career will probably disappear post-90210-2) and Marielle Jaffe (whomever she is).  There are three kids that we don’t have to worry about, as their chops should keep them in the game for years to come: Alison Brie (she’s kinda prissy one-notey, but we like that prissy one-notey thang she does!!), Emma Roberts (may end up being a better actress than Auntie Julia… which isn’t too hard of a task), and Rory Culkin (Culkin clan aint nuttin to F#%K WIT!).  That kid Erik Knudsen wasn’t so bad neither, even as the film’s most annoying character

Anywho, to slum things up: Scream 4 was not awful, when it could have so easily been, times like 892727378!!  What more do you need to know?

Also, if you’re jonesining for more Roberts-Culkin action, do yerself a flavor and rent the thighly recommended Lymelife

All Hail Hale: sure, Aimee Teegarden is in a league of our groan, and probably deserves this hottie space, but we’ve never seen this Lucy Hale chick before, who’s like a lovefusion of Alexis Bledel and Mila Kunis, and she’s so Hale AND Hearty that her lovely circles get the square!!!

Verdictgo:  Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Scream 4 is currently howling it up at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…