Thighs Wide Shut

Hell or High Water
Bank Shot
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
R | 102 min

Cops!  Robbers!  Cowboys!  Injuns!  Texas!  Dust!  MUSTaches!!!!!!!!!  Captain Kirk with one particularly MUST must MUSTache!!  That crazy actor dude who was banging Sean Penn’s ex-wife playing crazy, and wily, and crazy wily!!  (I mean, can he play anything else?  would you want him to?)

Jeff Bridges with a strange accent but he kinda disappears into that strange accent!!  His partner that sorta looks like my uncle!

It’s the David Mackenzie directed film from Taylor Sheridan‘s script - Hell or High Water!! 

There’s not much hell or water, but plenty of thirsting, for dollars, and doing things right, even if they have to be done in a wrong way!  

The plot is this – two guys rob banks and then re-pay outstanding debts to the very same banks they juss stole from with the money they stole!  It’s like robbing Peter to pay Paul Peter!!!  Woah!!!!  

And man, those Texas vistas are beautiful!

And this girl - Melanie Papalia – who played a hooker – has some nice vistas of her own!

Verdictgo:  Breast In Show

douse Hell with Water, currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Kill Your Darlings 
Beat, Off
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 104 min

Ginsberg, Kerouac, Burroughs and Carr.  One of these names does not belong… to the annuals of history, but does to the Beat Generation‘s history.  Lucien Carr was the supposed ‘glue’ of the crew.  Without him, would the other three have crossed paths, and beat on???  Who knows, but in John Krokidas‘ inspired, but tiring directorial debut – Kill Your Darlings – Carr’s story is driven to the forefront, and he’s eventually driven to murder!!!!!!!!  Oooooh, sounds intriguing!  It is, but it somehow doesn’t end up being all that intriguing (as a movie)

What does it end up being like?  Muppet Babies for the Beat Generation stizz!!  Looks, there’s beardless, skinny Allen Ginsberg (Daniel Radcliffe), discovering all kinds of things at college thanks to new found literary ‘maybe more than friends’ friend Lucien Carr (Dane DeHaan, always giving it his de-All), and their buddies Jack Kerouac (pretty boy Jack Huston) and spacey mumblecored William S Burroughs (Ben Foster).  They drink!  They smoke!  They listen to jazz!  The reject what their teachers are teaching them!  They pull pranks!  They flirt with being gay!  Oh my, so much going on in the mid-1940s!  I KNOW!!!  But trouble lurks, in the form of David Kammerer (Michael C Hall), a man obsessed with Lucien.  After endless years of unwanted attention and advances, Lucien can no longer withstand his predator, and so one knife-fight later, Kammerer dies, Carr gets incarcerated, and the other three Beat-ers go on to infamy.  Carr becomes a footnote and here we are, and yet, I feel like we’re nowhere.  Just a Muppet Babies take on young dudes about to become men.  Beat on?  More like beat off

Cross Roads: David Cross is the only man on earth to play both Allen Ginsburg (I’m Not There) and his father Louis Ginsberg (Darlings)

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Darlings doesn’t exactly kill it, today in NY & LA only, and elsewhere elsehwhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Lucien, Jack, Allen & Bill

Ain’t Them Bodies Saints
Ain’t Them Saints Snoozy – THEY IS!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
Not Rated | 105 min

One of my least favorite performances of the past six years was Casey Affleck being the coward in The Assassination of Jesse James by the Coward Robert Ford, a movie that was 17 hours long, and 77 hours boring.  It didn’t help matters that the flick had the pacing of a snail trapped in a sea of molasses, and that Casey Affleck was doing most of the boring cause he is boring.  He played a shy, quiet guy, who, when talked, mumbled in a twang that made us wished that ears AND cinema were never invented, but we didn’t even have to worry or care about such things cause we fells asleep not caring

Well, IF YOU LOVED CASEY AFFLECK’S KENTUCKY FRIED ACCENT IN THE BORING OF JESSE JAMES BY THE BORING COWARD BORING FORD then you might juss dig David Lowery‘s beautiful but zzzzzzzz-inducing Ain’t Them Bodies Saints, which is like that movie if it met Badlands and Bonny & Clyde and any other movie where a couple are outlaws and do stuff in the countryside with amazing cinematography!!  

Casey’s partner in love is Rooney Mara.  Them two did some robbing.  They got caught.  She shot cop Ben Foster.  He went to jail, she didn’t.  She had a baby while he’s in jail.  He wants to see his baby and his baby’s mommmma so he done does breaks out.  Ben Foster has eyes for Rooney.  Hopefully Casey will get back home before Ben Foster puts his mitts all over her, even though he has zero clue that he even has mitts.  This feels like 3929929239 other movies we’ve seen before, but I can’t really think of one to compare it to, cause I don’t feel like thinking much more about it cause I juss fell asleep re-thinking any thoughts I had on this snoozy-q movie

Oh, and Keith Carradine was in this movie and he was good and stuff!  That’zzzzzzzzzzzzzz all folks!

Verdictgo: low low low low low end Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Bodies is cold tomorrow in limited release, and on-demand a week later

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…