Thighs Wide Shut

The Past (Le passé)
Divorce, Persian-Parisian Style
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 130 min

Man, Asghar Farhadi sure LOVES himself some divorces!!  And why not?  His last feature, the well acted, but a tad overrated divorce discourse A Separation [TWS review] took home the Best Foriegn Pic Oscar, so if it aint broke, then why fix it?  Well, this time the divorce fun has been shifted from Iran to France, and once again, the divorce in question kinda serves as a macguffin for something deeper goings on, a mystery that will quietly and laboriously reveal its solution, and it’s worth sticking around to see the how and the why!

Our couple on the way outs is (The Artist‘s) Bérénice Bejo and (a terrific) Ali Mosaffa (with a terrifically horrible hairpiece).  She still lives in the outskirts of Paris, holding down a fort of kids, while he returned to Tehran.  He’s back in town, to finalize the dissolution of their marriage, but there’s other shiz going on, like a new man around - Tahar Rahim, and how their relationship came to be.  This new man has his own old lady, but she’s in a coma, and he’s trying to move on, with raggamuffined son Elyes Aguis in tow.  But how’d this woman get to be in a coma, and isn’t this relationship with a new woman a bit scandolous if the old one’s in a coma and he’s already moving on?  Yes, sez Bejo’s daughter, (a solid) Pauline Burlet, who can’t even stand to be home anymore and deal with it.  But there’s more to it all, and now that old husband Mosaffa’s around, all kinds of things will be talked about and discovered and forced to be dealt with

It’s kinda strange that Farhadi barked up the same thematic tree, but I’m glad he did, cause The Past worked a lot better for me than A Separation did.  Can’t exactly figure out why, but lets just hope he doesn’t try to give divorce another look on his next film.  Maybe he can try something tha’s a little happier, like marriage!

Anywho, I’m betting 5 bux that The Past (Le passé) wins Best Foreign Pic at this year’s Oscars. Why? Cause (my beloveded) Film Forum has premiered the winner (at the end of the year) from the last two Academy Awards – Haneke’s Amour in 2012, and yes, Farhadi’s own A Separation in 2011.  Looking forward to finding out what will win ahead of time, when the FF picks their movie to close out 2014!

Ooops, I owe everyone $5. The movie didn’t even make the cut!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Past is present in NY/LA today and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Artist
Silence Is Mostly Golden
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 100 min

Ah, the era of silent films.  Long forgotten and loved by so few in today’s world of gabfests and explosions.  In the past year we us ourselves have grown a love for the dialog-free flicks that were so flappertastic… which explains why we’ve spent many an hours digging in the past for endless bobbed photos.  The bygone format may have collected dust, but cinema has paid tribute here and there, from Sunset Boulevard, to Mel Brooks’ Silent Movie, to the maudlin madness of Guy Maddin‘s mizzles, and now with The Artist, Frenchie writer/director Michel Hazanavicius‘ loud-quiet love letter that’s sealed with a giant sloppy kiss

The artist in The Artist is mustachioed George Valentin (the dashing and playful Jean Dujardin), a star of the silents, with the look of Douglas Fairbanks, a name like Rudolph Valentino’s, and a ‘talkies killed my career’ tale, that sent the likes of stars Pola Negri, Ramon Novarro, Clara Bow, Colleen Moore, John Gilbert (the list sadly goes on and on and) into early acting retirement.  The sentiment on display is a welcome one, but the story, a little too simplistic.  Hazanavicius, his artist Dujardin, and gal vendredi Bérénice Bejo have driven us down this road before.  If you’ve seen their OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies Bondish spoof [trailer], you’ll know they are more than capable of putting the period pieces together.  And just like with OSS 117, The Artist is a beautifully polished homage with the right rah-rah spirit, but it doesn’t exactly score touchdown after touchdown

STILL, The Artist is worth seeing cause we need to be reminded of that time and that place and of those movies that had no talking, and what happened when their time was up, and it was time to start talking.  And where else are you going to see Uggie the dog doing awesome stuff (sadly no skateboarding) in B&W, John Goodman being loud without saying a word, or James Cromwell being sweet without a pig that talks?  Or find bonus employment for fine folks like Penelope Ann Miller, Malcolm McDowell, Ken ‘Borat’s buddy’ Davitian, Nina ‘sister of Casey’ Siemaszko (see below), Joel ‘brother of Bill’ Murray and Bill ‘Dauber from Coach‘ Fagerbakke??!!  FREKKIN DAUBER!!!  FROM COACH!!!

moral of the story: The Artist is the best silent film of the year, and probably the best silent film since maybe the end of the silent era (both proclamations don’t really say much… or do they???), and you’ve probably have seen zero silent movies, so start with this, and then open Pandora’s Box to all the other silent pleasures that eggsist in the fine history of the cinema. SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

SiemaszKOed: wethinks we’re in love with Nina ‘sister of Casey’ Siemaszko. she went from having a license to drive

to having a license to be MAD ADORABLE!!!!!!

and havings a license to show off her assets!!!!!!!!!!!! [NSFW]

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Artist takes up residence in NY & LA this Friday, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…