Thighs Wide Shut

Bad Teacher
There’s Something About Diaz / There’s Nothing About Segel
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 92 min

Bad Teacher defied all the odds it had stacked against it.  Here’s what awfulnessnessnesses we notion preconceived in our minds:

- Cameron Diaz is annoying

- Jake Kasdan shares a name with daddy Lawrence and that’s about it

- Jason Segel is unfunny

- Thomas Lennon is also unfunny

- Justin Timberlake usually tries too hard to be funny

- Lucy Punch is talented and funny, but her face juss scares the living day&nightlights outta us so dangs much that it almos overshadows the talent and the funny

Well, apparently adding actual funny side player peeps like Phyllis Smith, John Michael Higgins and Eric Stonestreet (…and barely doing anything wit em at all) is juss the ticket to make all those above wrongs turn into something dang right and hactually funny.  YES, funny.  Bad Teacher is funny.  We had to be dragged to see this (w/o kicking or screaming) and that’s probably why we liked it, but it can’t be as simple as that, cannnnnnnnit?

Well…

– Cameron Diaz wasn’t annoying

– Jake Kasdan made something that resembled a movie!

– Thomas Lennon remained unfunny.  oh well

– even though every sportswriter in America was JOing to that Lebron vs Jordan argument bit, it was about as funny as Jason Segel is (aka NOT)

– Justin Timberlake was sorta funny! someone juss tell him to keep away from Andy Lamesberg

– Lucy Punch’s face still looks like it was punched one too many times, but her talent and funny TRUMPED HER SCARY FACE!!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Bad aint so, currently at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Green Hornet
Spinelessapple Express
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Green Hornet, what can go wrong, did go wrong: wrong guy being Green Hornet (Seth Rogen), wrong to use a sophomoronic slacker script (Rogen again, with pal Evan Goldberg), wrong to enlist a surreal director and not have him go surreal (Michel Gondry)… this doesn’t bode well for Aronofsky’s Wolverine II, and wurst of all, juss an all around waste of a Green Hornet movie .  Played for laughs, and filled with none, Green Hornet has no buzz, sting or flight, well, besides anything having to do with Kato (Jay Chou).  He’s awesome, and how could he not be?  No seriously, he’s Kato and he’s mad awesomes and Jay Chou is awesomez as Kato!

Kato!!

Cameron Diaz is in it for some reason, but she’s more of a Charlie’s mangled than an Angel.  And remember that Christoph Waltz guy who stole our hearts and ears and the film Inglourious Basterds?  He delivers a mighty similar shtick here (with much less bitting dialog), but this time with a beard (looking like Carmen Ghia from the real Producers), and after 2 films of Americans seeing him do this, he’s already edging towards one trick pony territory.  Eeesh.  And poor Tom Wilkinson, David Harbour and Edward James Olmos.  Serious actors brought in for some serious roles, and for about as much seriousness as a Norm McDonald movie.  At least they employed Edward Furlong.  Sounds like he could use the money

KATO!!!

oh, and the 3-D is awful

KATO!!!!!!

Cole As Ice: Taylor Cole!!

Verdictgo: Only Kato Merit & Zero Stinkin Badges For The Rest

Hornet stungks this Friday at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…