Thighs Wide Shut

Home Again
You CAN Go Home Again, Especially When Your Parents Give You The Blueprints
Official Site | Trailer & Mo
PG-13 | 97 min

The shiny apple doesn’t fall from the rom-com tree as writer/director Hallie Meyers-Shyer follows in her parents’ footsteps and delivers Home Again – a saccharine sweet debut that will surprise no one, and delight everyone at the same time.  Would you expect anything less from the kin of Nancy Meyers (What Women Want, It’s Complicated, The Intern) and Charles Shyer (Baby Boom, Father of the Bride I and II)???  No, we didn’t, and neither should you.  The torch hasn’t been fully passed yet, but it’s good to know that mushily digestible romantic comedies may be safe for another generation with Hallie and her DNA

Look, Home Again is about as groundbreaking as the discovery that lint exists in your bellybutton, but juss cause everything about this movie is obvious and oblivious to the way the things work in the real world, doesn’t mean that you won’t sit there the entire time with a smile plastered on your face, and all the women you know will be happily watching it for years to come on cable TV airings

Look, I care zero for Reese Witherspoon, and her plight in this movie about just turning 40, being recently separated from (the always charming even when smarmy) Michael Sheen, raising two (too adorable) daughters AND trying to get an interior design career off the ground, but throw in a GILF (Candice Bergen) and three homeless, hunky, aspiring filmmakers (Nat Wolff, Jon Rudnitsky, Pico Alexander) looking for a home (guess where they find a temporary home?????), and you have the recipe for a winning chick flick where they will probably end up singinging doo-wop or Van Morrison songs into the handle of a broom whilst sweeping the floor.  OK, so I was surprised a little, cause THEY DIDN’T SING INTO THE HANDLE OF A BOOM!!!  OR EVEN A MOP!!!  True women’s lib!  LIBERATING (MOVIE) WOMEN FROM SINGING INTO THE HANDLES OF THINGS!!

If you don’t think this is a step forward, THEN STEP OFF!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Home Again aint at your home, but at a theater near jews and white nationalists tomorrow!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Heartbreaker
(L’arnacoeur)
A Comédie Romantique That Sounds & Looks
Better Than An American Equivalent
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Romain Duris is so hot.  So is Vanessa Paradis, gap teeth and all!!!!  Wonder what dem sparks would be like if the two ever let em fly???  Hold yer mares ma mères!  We all want the same thing here, but in Pascal Chaumeil‘s paint by numbers rom-com, yer gonna have to wait a long time for that happen, cause you see, Duris isn’t meant to be with Paradis or her pair of dats.  That would go against his profession: a ladykiller for hire (that’s murderer of the heart, in a good way), who never completely slays the lady, juss makes em putty in his hands, but never touches em, juss makes em happy, and then moves onto the next job.  He’s got game (enter montage of the master at work!), but his next assignment is a dooooozzy, Mrs Johnny Depp!!

Oh course he has zero interest in his latest mark at first, but do you think for a second that he won’t change his mind and lose it in the process?  Paradis is due to marry a bland American (bland American Andrew Lincoln), but her father (Jacques Frantz) doesn’t approve and contracts Duris to dur his wurst/best to get daughter to forget all about the bland American.  Let the hijinks begin, with sum helpful help from sis (Julie Ferrier) and her silly hubby (François Damiens), all goings on in a luscious Monaco backdrop to booooot.  What happens next is more predictable than Fred Armisen leaving Elisabeth Moss for blonder ambitions.  Yet this romantic-comedy wasn’t made in America, and thus is free of the usual trappings/dog droppings that litter many a Julia/Reese/Jennifer/et al pointless vehicles, and thus Heartbreaker is non-alarming, free of smarming, and nuttin but charming!!!  We are under your amour spell!  Get it, under amour?!?!?! Amour or less puns????

Gap Genes!: someone did our work for us… 10 Celebs Who Look Great With Gap Teeth

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

The Romantics
Wedding Boos
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

What do you get when Dawson‘s Joey (Katie Holmes) and a bitchy Sookie Stackhouse (Anna Paquin) fight over Fergie’s hubby (Josh Duhamel, another bland American), while Seth Cohen (Adam Brody), Frodo Baggins (Elijah Wood), Murphy Brown (Candice Bergen), our future wife (Malin Ã…kerman), and two others (Jeremy Strong & Rebecca Lawrence) stand around and watch, over a Big Chilled wedding upside-down caked weekend on Long Island?  Young lust, long yawns, clichés removed from the dust!  Felt like we’ve seen Galt Niederhoffer‘s movie/J Crew ad a zillion.7 times before, but with less TVish actors!  Don’t bother wit dis, but bother yerself to finally see Rachel Getting Married, a flick we’re STILL hungover from, cause we had such an effin blast at da party!

Holmes Body: still, we were happy to see Katie H backs on the big screen, which helped pave the way for this stunning Jackie-O inspired NY Mag cover!!!

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Heartbreaker throbs and The Romantics barely beats this Friday in NY/LA only and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

…but not as well clothed as Holmes’ butt slice!!!!!