Thighs Wide Shut

Hanna-Barbera at work, 1960

Minions
Spin-Off Limits
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
PG | 91 min

There are würst 6 year-old birthday parties than a trip to see Minions, and this is where I come in.  It is actually where I come in, since I never saw Despicable Me 1 or 2.  And since I never saw either of those, it’s hard for me to say what Minions the movie is, other than an OK enuff movie with cool looking yellow things that occasionally say funny things, like ‘banana’ and stuff.  I particularly liked the first part of the movie where there’s a montage of the Minions trying to find a new master to be ruled by, only to somehow bring down the master they so love, and then start the search over again, and again, and again (it’s in the movie’s trailer).  That shiz was good.  The rest of the movie was juss OK.  The kids loved it all.  A parent in our party said that this stand-alone Minions movie wasn’t as good as the other movies, cause the Minions can’t be the focus, and that they shine brighter in the background.  And there you go!  But if you have a kid, you’ve already seen this, and already know this.  For the rest of you without kids, stop seeing kids movies, and start having kids, or at least try to

Oh, btw, in Staten Island, Lois Lane LIVES!!!!!

Verdictgo: mild Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Minions making ZILLIONS at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

L’illusionniste
(The Illusionist)
Hokey Pocus
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

An old magician is seeing his audience disappear to a world gaga for rock stars.  He travels far and wide for work, wherever someone still wants to see a rabbit being pulled out of a hat.  At one of his stops, he captures the attention of a poor and feeble-minded housekeeper girl.  She believes the magic is real, and he in turn shows that nothing is up his sleeve to keep the illusion alive.  The two form a de facto father-daughter relationship, with daddy making material things magically appear out of nowhere for the girl’s benefit, but in reality, he has to take on odd jobs juss to pay for it all.  Ahhhhhh, how sweet.  Or so one would think, but there really is nothing up the sleeve here, juss one really irritating, basically silent cartoon that we’d rather soon forget.  Don’t care if this project grew from an unused Jacques Tati screenplay and was done up by the Triplets of Belleville dude (Sylvain Chomet), cause The Illusionist is a loser-fest (that girl made us want to slit our eyes AND wrists out!!!). Although we do give sum mild props for using 2-D animation, in the style of 101 Dalmatians & The AristoCats!

Use These Illusions Instead: either watch the Ed Norton flick or if yer strapped for time juss watch some ye olde Mickey Mouse magic

Verdictgo: Very Very Very Little Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Illusionist is snoozeisit in NY & LA only this Christmas, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…