Somewhere
Found In Native Tongue
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Is it OK if directors repeat themselves?  Depends on the director, and depends if the previously rolled joint is worth re-sparking.  Aronofsky’s Wrestler paved the same beaten down road that his Black Swan walked along, and while both are similarly themed, they each stand tall on their own merits (AND stinkin badges!!).  So how about Sofia Coppola basically reworking her (overrated) Lost In Translation into a fractured father-daughter relationship story set against the bright lights and big citydumb of LA’s Chateau Marmont (no virgin to the screen!) & other lush locales??????  We’re sure you’ll disagree, but we liked the round 2 version, Somewhere, much more than we did round 1!!!! Maybe it’s cause Tokyo’s too Japanese or that ScarJo scarblows or Translation juss wasn’t that wonderful a trifle as everyone made it out to be.  Somewhere isn’t the be all, cee all and end all, and Stephen Dorff aint no Bill Murray, but Elle Fanning = elles yea times like 2999290403030!!!!!!!!!  Move over Dakota, cause yer sister is the new moon eclipsing your secret life of bees wax!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Come to think of it, Ms Fanning delivers the first real memorable female performance in any of Sofia’s films.  Sorrry, Dunsty, but we don’t remember much about The Virgin Suicides other than the soundtrack by Air, and the same goes for whatever was goings on in the pointlessly anachronistic Marie Antoinette (we upchucked on yer inclusion of Chuck Taylors!!).  Come to think of it again, Sofia’s flicks are all atmosphere and no physical sphere, and that’s hactually fine by us, cause it works for once in the nowhere bound Somewhere!!  It’s kinda like Entourage w/o an entourage (although we get some visits from Chris Pontius, Ellie Kemper, Michelle Monaghan, Alden Ehrenreich & Benicio Del Toro), meets The Royal Tennenbaums, minus 2 siblings and the twee ‘tude + Dakota Fanning’s sister + the guy who was suppose to be the next Christian Slater who was suppose to be the next Jack Nicholson, but they both wasn’ts!!  And the soundtrack rox!!!  Bet you didn’t see that one coming!!!

Back to Fanning!!!!  Oh my oh my my my my my, she is beyond a delight here!!!  A revelation if you will.  A revelation even if you won’t!!!  All she wants is her father’s love and attention, and the guy’s more jaded than a woman named Jade wearing jade earrings while watching the movie Jade for the 281819th time!!  And guess what, the Elle bell gets screen daddy Dorff to break out of his funk, crack a smile, enjoy life, and be an a daddy who cares for once!!  If she can make the Dorfster character care, then you’ll find yerself caring too!!

There was a perfect moment for the film to end, when father & daughter are in a very happy place, basking in the sun poolside, but the movie decides it needs to keep going, somewhere, anywhere, and yet nowhere near as good as that moment.  Oh well moment!  So where does Sofs Coppola go after this?  Same place or somewhere else?  Don’t care, as long as Elle Fanning is the co-pilot

Pole Position: woooowzeerrss!!!!  so much hotness in one movie, from our coast to other people’s coastsests!!!!  where to start?  where to end???

The Shannon Twins

[NSFW] (& their award worthy pole dancing!!!)

Lauren Hastings

Nicole Trunfio

Libby Mintz

Verdictgo:  mos def Jeepers Worth A Peepers, but Elle’s performance almos makes us want to tag it Breast In Showness!!!! ALMOS!!

Somewhere goes to some select cities this Wednesday

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

ELLES YEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jackass 3D
3Deez Nutz!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

About 5 minutes into the 3rd Jackass we started to doubt if this kinda tomfoolery was still a laughing matter.  Had Johnny Knoxville, Bam Margera, Steve-O, Ryan Dunn, Chris Pontius, Ehren McGhehey, Preston Lacy, Dave England and Jason ‘Wee Man’ Acuña‘s five minutes of pain become passé and irrelevant in a YouTube world?  Then we saw a dude get hit in the balls (not Hans Moleman, nor George C Scott), and fall down (327636 times over), IN 3-D, and then we forgot that stoopid notion faster than we forgot about any movie directed by Jason Reitman!!!!!!!  And from that point on, the sh#t eating grin on our face from watching bros get sh$t upon never left or let up until the very last frame of awesomeness

Girls have Sex & The City, and fellas have Jackass, and lettuce juss say that this is juss one of the many great reasons that being born with XY chromosomes is the key to eternal happiness.  If you only see two 3-D movies in your life make it this one and Step Up 3-D, snatchurally! Everything else is bunk, and everything else doesn’t have punches to the face displayed in dazzlingly shot slow-motion replays.  Wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Thank you guys, again and again, for putting your life and testicles on the line for our entertainment.  Please never EVER stop, at least until you lose your testicles

When We Were Princes: before there were Jackass vids there were Big Brother vids.  The skateboarding mag started releasing them back in 1996, and by the time Number 2 dropped two years later, with Knoxville subjecting his body to a world of terror, a revolution of devolution was born, and spankfully hasn’t quit since

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Jackass kicks major a$$ today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…