2013 was a pretty weak year for movies, but life outside of the theater trumped life inside of it (I met the love of my life! and it’s a woman!  so I’m not gay!).  anywho, some movies were still better than garbage, and they is…

The Thirsteen Thirteen

1) Room 237

Shining on some crazy diamonds who put more thought into thinking about the Shining than anyone ever needed.  But once you hear these batshit crazy theories, you cannot unhear these batshit crazy theories, and you may juss go batshit crazy yoself

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2) The Wolf of Wall Street

It’s like Goodfellas and Casino‘s younger, hipper brother

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3) Her

Spike Jonze’ love story digitally penetrates!!

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3) Captain Phillips

Taking hostages on screen AND off!!

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4) All Is Lost

A better silent movie than The Artist

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5) The Great Gatsby

A little party never killed nobody

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6) The Hunt

Mads for Mads Mikkelsen

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7) The Stories We Tell

Do Tell

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8) Salinger

Trashy tabloid junk… that I couldn’t get enough of.  But what about the ‘pee in a jar’ rumors???

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9) My Father and The Man In Black

Cash-ed & carry-on, for the wayward son

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10) Spring Breakers

more of a feeling than a movie, and a dirty one at that, but it inspired us to actually do something with video on the internets!! 

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11) Short Term 12

All Brie, no cheese 

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12) Cutie and The Boxer

Starving for attention artists in residence

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13) Our Nixon

Nixon bindess with pleasure! 

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and now for the…

Honor Blackmanable Mentions

42
The Armstrong Lie
Bettie Page Reveals All
Blue Caprice
Blue Jasmine
Dallas Buyers Club
Enough Said
Fill The Void
Frances Ha
Mandela Long Walk To Freedom
Nebraska
The Past
(first 1/3 of) Place Beyond The Pines
The Reluctant Fundamentalist
Rush
Saving Mr Banks
The Source Family
The Spectacular Now

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wanna second opinion?  future Mrs Thigh Master weighs in!  

(poor girl saw more movies in a theater this past year than probably ever!!!)

Best Movies 

5. Short Term 12

4. The Wolf of Wall Street

3. Dallas Buyers Club

2. Captain Phillips

1. Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

Runner up –

‘Best’ [meaning WURST] Movies  

5. Inside Llewyn Davis

4. The Book Thief

3. Don Jon

2. Upstream Color

1. I’m So Excited (Los amantes pasajeros)

Runner up –

The Sapphires

our annual anal movie awards – The Thighsmans – drops the week of the Oscars 

until then, here’s the bestest films of yesterhere

2012
2011
2010
2009
2008
2007
2006
2005
2004
2003
& 2002

Cutie and The Boxer
A Portrait of The Artists As An Old Man & His Old Lady
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
R | 82 min

Ever hear of Neo-Dadist artist Ushio Shinohara? Yeah, me neither, but his work’s been shown in major museums the world over. Oh, he must be some well off dude, right? No, he basically lives from sold painting to sold painting (the artist equivalent of ‘paycheck to paycheck’), with large gaps of time between getting paid, and when they do actually sell, it isn’t nearly enough to live on. But even if this artist never got his due or is unable to pay his dues, he aint ever gonna give up, and is still going strong at age 81, making motorcycle monstrosities and his wall punching paintings. Ahh, so he’s ‘the Boxer’ in Zachary Heinzerling‘s beautifully moving documentary Cutie and the Boxer. So who’s ‘Cutie’? Oh, his doting wife Noriko. She does everything for him, and gets very little in return except for endless regret. But she’s an artist in her own right – Cutie is a semi-biographical semi-comic bookish character she created – but can one family survive two starving artists, especially when one overshadows the other? This question can only be answered by seeing the doc, and that is juss what you should do!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Boxer does the rounds today in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…