Thighs Wide Shut

no movie reviews today kiddies, so we guess you’ll have to brave Kevin Smith’s latest poopfest Zach & Miri Make A Playlist on yer own. insteady, here’s some last minute costumes ideas for Halloween, dunns up in our special photochop sauce…

Halloween on The Office > Halloween on The Simpsons

• Admit it, you don’t watch Jeopardy! and therefore probably never gots the pleasure of seeing my dearest Pammy Pam Mueller on the telle, right? Well, you can make up for your lack of vision by tom peeping this lil mini web interview thingie they did with her back in the ’01. Maybe NOW you can get a sense of why I was once bitten, and forever smittened. By the gay, I think I fingered out my reasoning for my seasoning/why I digs her so dang much: she has the same EGGSzact ‘do that Dana Delany/McMurphy sported on China Beach aka China BEST! I was all of 11 when the show first aired, but I think that was the very first time I had a hu-mungo crush on an older woman, on a weekly basis, and was quite vocal about it. I was so wrapped up into the whole thang that even I made my mom buy me a China Beach sweatshirt from a kiosk at Montgomery Mall (the same mall which was once used as a setting in the 80s shit pic Prime Risk, and is now home to a stab happy woman). Oh Dana (who was once stalked by Corky), how I hearted you so. I much wanted to rip that green uni off with my teeth and take you right then and there on that gurney. My member would be your IV, pumping vital fluids all up into your ailing organs. Somebody lock me up for my own good, STAT!!!

• And in sorta-related links, czech out Tourney of Champ champ Brad’s mini-int, when he looked like a fat Ben Affleck, and this other pic of him that makes him look like a big winner!

• Ready or not, here they come! I guess there are now plenty of mics for the too many MCs. Hopefully they will stay permanent one and not return to number ten. While I wait, you can find me in my Mitsubishi, eatin’ sushi, bumpin’ Fugees. Oooh La La La. I love it when you touch my Tra La La.

• Lohag the Elder off to Prisonville

• And while Daddy tries to avoid dropping the soapy-soap, lil Lohag is considering starring in a remake of this gas passer.

• Peace the pitchfork out Eddie Albert! May I be the 12891849053rd person to wish you well on your way to GREENer pastures.

• Indy 4’s script FRYnally gets the OK from Baron Papanoida & Senor Spielbergo.

• Bad Idea Jeans #37622: The Griswalds Down Under!

• The Stones will be supported by BECK (!) on a bunch o’ Canadiananian stops this fall! Lucky mothercanuckers! Then again, they didn’t have hockey all last year, so we gotta throw em some bones. (Editor’s Note: Canada is easy to make fun of, but I love all Candandnadians)

• Trey’s Zooma tour cancelled! Finally, the beginning of the end of patchouli smellin’ neo-hippie sub-culture! Unless of course someone spends a fortune on a motor home last owned by Trey Anastasmellio. Now if only the Dave Matthews Band were dumped into a river and instead of their dumps! [eBayness via Andre Dawson Fan #1]

• The Warshington Po qwikly looks back on 25 9:30 Club years!

• Anakin Skywalker/Lord Darth Vader, In Pictures 1977 to Present [OMforkinG!]

• I really likes me some Fischerspooner. Their latest odyssey was miles and away better than Daft Punk & the Chem Bros’ efforts this year. Peep the video for ‘Never Win’ [Win or Real or QwikThyme]

• Remember the band Grandaddy (I only said ‘band’ so people not in the know don’t think I was talking about Grampa Joe)? Well, here’s a bunch of tasty live mp3ers. Or maybe u’d prefer some live or regular Dios Malos, who are sort of Grandaddyesque, and sure have one of the hottiest internets sites around!

• And while were sorta not on the topic, I agree that W Dafoe would have made a great WW

• Da Da Vinci crew make another fine choice. So when are they going to replace Tom Hanks with Harrison Ford?

• Don’t trust a virgin and a poll

• Alfie to star in Alfie the II’s wedding starring Alfie the II’s on-screen and off screen flame. Got it?

• Did you know Ebert gave 4 starts to the Karate Kid, even though he thought it was going to be ‘an adventure pitting Ricky Schroder against the Megaloth Man‘? Whatever the fork that means!

• This guy is my new hero. When I grow up, I want to be juss like him! Pee es – why are American concert tickets (read: Ticketbastard’s) so booooooooooring, just like our cash currency?

• This guy is as gay as Gaylord Perry

• It’s official, Jake Jill loves bubble/testicle tea!

• Ever wonder what my bedroom looks like? Click away [NSFW]

• Free screenings in several major cities for Hilary Duff’s next big stank bomb

• Well then spank gawd that mumsy’s daddy had a lot of freakin hair!

• TV mini-series I forkin wish were DVD bound: the Twin Peaksish Wild Palms & the place I first heard Pet Shop Boys’ thumcredible ‘Opportunities (Let’s Make Lots Of Money)’, The Billionaire Boys Club.

A bunch of useless TWS stuff:

• Here are some enter-resting reviews of TWS. Sure I may be a ‘pig’, but I’m too busy looking listening to what Raindrop has to say!

• Could this be considered a Thighs Wide Yearkbook?

• No one’s erecting cakes with my thighkness, but at least someone loves us (see honorable mentions for ‘website of the year’).

• ThighsWideShut.com, still the biggest waste in cybersquatting history.

And back to the shit shinola:

• The reason the interwebs was NOT invented: two dudes karaokeing to hit songs, but change the lyrics to ‘All Your Base Are Belong To Us‘

• Is the person responsible for this trying to overtake me as wurstest Photoshopper of the world? [Axis of Ebert]

• How Did They Get That Name? Game

• Sock Master’s Game Console Controller Family Tree [via Zach de la Roachclip]

• Jean-Claude Van DANCE, the animated gif [via SickTracks via Guns n Rosenthal]

• Who knew there was a WHOLE world of You’reTheManNowDog out there??! I started too see the light once ‘The United States of NOOOOOOOO‘ came about [download the song]. And now I’m lovin it all like my name was Morgan Spurlock: Mike Tyson Punchout one [NSFW], Vader’s No dance, Vader learns the birds & bees, United States of Kimble, Batman the model, this Pee-Wee one, they found Carmen Sandiego, Transformer rave, Mortal Kaaaaaaahnbat (+ this other Kaaahn one), and Conan makes popcorn!

• And while Rooney was waxin about Memorial Day, I was dreaming of attending the New Zellwood Sweet Corn Festival this past weekend [via Magnolia Bread Head]. I also did a bunch of other lo-key stuff (bowling, muse-zams, Yankees/SOX game, movies galore, masturbate), and doves course rooted for my Tetris-loving lovey, Sharapova, as she continued her clay conquering ways @ Ban Roll-on Garros. Anywho, along my travels on the nets, I came across what is probably one the greatest pictures ever taken of her, and deer-4, the greatest in the history of tennis…

– How could ‘Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da’ be voted the wurstest song ever? Unless they were talksin’ about the butchered version by Patti LuPone and her Life Goes On castmates. Speaking of, I juss wanna note that LGO was one of my mostest favortitistic shows as a young lad. One day, long ago, I was sort of making fun of the way Corky talked and my dad gave me a mouthful of Q-Bert noises (something like $%&#!). Ever since that day I have not made fun of mentally handicapped people and have been uber-sensitive when other people do so. How f#&ing retarded is that, eh? And since we’re on the subject, Kid Kadoji once told me that the Corkmiester used to semi-stalk Dana Delaney, whose China Beach (another Thigh Master ABC fav!) set was nearby. Hey did you mention Life Goes On? Well I’d pay a zillion dollars to get a copy of the episode where the Corkster sings ‘Fight The Power’ in front of his school. Apparently 7 people believe that that was the moment when the shark was jumped. And to close off this pair-a-graf, hire Chris ‘Corky’ Burke for your next event.

– The mostest misleading headline that almost gave me a reverse boner: Lindsay Lohan Talks ’70s, Wilmer; Admits Part Of Her Body Isn’t Real.

– The UK gov-mint gives the OK for some broad called the Duchess of Northumberland to grow pot, opium, magic mushrooms, tobacco, and the coca plant (home of coke classic and cocaine) in her garden. Does anyone have this bizatch’s digits?

– The Smiths. The musical? Big crap strikes again!

– Remember that Norwegian couple who boned on a stage whilst Kristopher Schau and the Cumshots rocked out at a Norwegian music festival? We’ll that couple were out of order when they went to court.

– German, single, and looking for a lil action? Head on over to yer local Wal-Mart. [via Made of Brawnsteeen]

– 2005 in NYC is gonna ROCK! And Yanni’s RCMH shows will usher in said ROCKness! [via The ThinkPader]

– Why isn’t there a Channel One on TV (eggcept for NY1 and their fine ‘Weather on the 1s’)? [via Ask Yazoo]

– 10 x 10, for those who don’t like to read the news.

– The wurstest SS since WWII: Sauerkraut Smoothie

– MenWithoutHats.com. The reason why the internets was invented.

– Who’s flying with me to Japan this winter to catch that t.A.T.u. anime?

– A man allegedly groped two home health care nurses while posing as a mentally retarded man who needed his diapers changed. Shame on you, you insensitive and peppermintative bastard!!

– Man Says He Was Blinded 4 Times in 1 Eye. Tara Reid’s areola could not be reached for comment.

– Darth Vader hearts Heidi Klum and low low prices? [via Double Vikes]

– Finally, one of the HUGESTEST PEACE THE FORKS OUT has gots to go to Yasser ‘Do I look ara-fat in this coffin?‘ Arafat. I think that was the first time I ever said ‘YES!’ when I heard of their fork peacing. Am I evil? Yes. But wasn’t Yasser? Yessir! Be sure to catch his final movie this winter: The Life Aquatic with Yasser Zissou