The Disaster Artist
Day For Nightmare (2)
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
R | 103 min

Never had seen Tommy Wiseau‘s The Room.  Always meant to, but I guess I failed as a moviegoer to do so before seeing the movie about the making of it – The Disaster Artist.  What James Franco does with the poor-rich material, directing and starring in it, is both a masterstroke and a masterpiece.  It is perhaps one of the best films ever made about making movies.  The horror show will, against all odds, warm your heart, and the immersive, intimate experience will make you feel like you were actually there (squirming, like those who lived thru it).  You cannot escape The Room that Franco & friends (brother Dave and LITERALLY an amazing cast of THOUSANDS!!!) construct before your eyes.  You don’t need to provide a hammer, cause these guys NAILED IT!!!  Oh, hi Mark!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Disaster is perfection at a theater near jews and white nationalists…

Now You See Me
Hand of Sleight
Official Website | Trailers & Mo 
PG-13 | 113 min

I love magic.  I love movies. I love movies about magic.   I love movie magic.  I love Jesse Eisenberg, Mark Ruffalo, Woody Harrelson, Isla Fisher, Mélanie Laurent, Morgan Freeman, Michael Caine & even Dave Franco (when James is unavailable).  Wait, all of these things are in one movie????  HOW IS THIS A REAL MOVIE???  But don’t get too excited cause this thing they’re in was directed by Louis Leterrier, captain of the two Transporter movies + Clash of The Disaster + that 2nd Hulk movie everyone already forgot about.  And guess what, don’t get too excited in general, cause the result – Now You See Me – is an illusion of entertainment.  You’ll be tricked into being entertained, but really, the dupe’s on you, dope!  You somehow sit thru this inane routine, and the only thing that’s really vanishing is your time and money  

Sure, Now You See Me isn’t even on the same planet as the UMmazing Prestige or even the usey illusiony The Illusionist, BUT even though NYSM is totally refarted, it is totally totally watchable dumbitity, cause EISENBERG’S NOT STEALING FACEBOOKS! AND RUFFALO LOOKING UNSHAVED GRUFFALOOO!!!!  AND WOODY HARRELSON KNOCKING WOOD (not really)! AND ISLA IS SOOOOOOOOOOOO FINE!!! AND LAURENT IS ALSO SO FINE AND SO CUTE SPEAKING IN ENGRISH!!! AND MORGAN FREEMAN IS SO OLD AND WISE AND HIS SMILES MELT SCREENS AS HE COLLECTS ANOTHER PAYCHECK!! AND MICHAEL CAINE DOES AN AMAZING MICHAEL CAINE IMPERSONATION!!! AND DAVE FRANCO IS LIKE JAMES FRANCO BUT YOUNGER AND LESS LEARNDEDED!!!!  And in nothing roles, they threw in real actors to play them, like that guy Michael Kelly, and Common, and that other that guy David Warshofsky!!

There’s nothing up any sleeves here, but sometimes it’s OK to pull from the bottom of the deck/dreck cause WE’D WATCH THIS CAST DO ANYTHING, EVEN KNIT SWASTIKA SWEATERS!!!

Verdictgo: high end Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Now You See Me sees you today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

21 Jump Street
They Got The Beat, Street
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 109 min

21 Jump Street the movie defied the following odds…

a) its trailer was horrible

b) aside from The Fugitive, Dragnet, The Brady Bunch, The Addams Family and The Untouchables, old TV shows rebooted to feature films suck

c) if it’s the 21st century and Ice Cube is in your movie, it’s probably not funny

How it bypassed all of these roadblocks is kinda a modern day movie miracle.  And on top of all that, it’s the most laugh out loud-able film we’ve seen since Jackass 3-D, but if yer talking actual scripted comedies, then it would be the laughiest riot laugh since 2008’s Step Brothers, but it’s better than Step Brothers, so we’d have to definitely say that 21 Jump Street is the funniest f$%king movie we’ve seen since the 2007 original version of Death At A Funeral!!!!!!  That’s right, yo, it’s taken 5 years to make us laugh that hard again.  You know we’re tough on comedy, but it’s a tough love.  No easy laughs, although we do love slapstick humor, which is kinda the easiest laugh giver of givers.  Anywho, take this paragraph for it’s worth, and that worth is that 21 Jump Street is comedy gold, and will probably end up as one of our favorites of 2012… and it’s only March.  WOW

Credit all involved, from the directors (hot buttery action from bottom to top by Phil Lord & Chris Miller), to the writers (Michael Bacall, who just gave us the crizzazzy Project X, with help from Jonah Hill, giving us the winkiest eye wink that will make you want to wink right back) and to the actors (Hill again, in silly straight man skinny mode, plus playing against type Channing Tatum, playing against type, and the aforementioned usually unfunny Ice Cube being funny, and Rob Riggle, who is also usually not funny also being funny, and Chris Parnell, who is criminally funny, being criminally funny, and it’s a crime in general that he doesn’t work more, cause he’s one of SNL’s best alumnuts, EVER, and a guy who looks exactly like a mini-James Franco cause he is a mini-James Franco, cause he is James Franco’s brother Dave Franco + some slices of Ellie Kemper & Nick Offerman, and finally Brie Larson, who you’ll instantly fall in love with, if you weren’t already, and who’s future’s so bright that she’d put Ray-Ban out of bidness)

So what more do you need to know?  Plot?  There is one.  A very decent enuff one that supports the rest of the funny bidness from becoming udder malarkey bidness

moral of the story – they made a movie out of a TV show that didn’t need a movie, and even if it’s barely sorta like the TV show, it’s better than the TV show, and better than any TV show that was turned into a movie since The Brady Bunch!  BAM!!!!

Fanning Over Dakota: Jess Weixler is fine and all, but we recommend you upgrade to the similiarish looking…

Dakota Johnson

and know who she is?

DON JOHNSON AND MELANIE GRIFFITH’S KID!!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

21 Jumps into a theater near jews today!

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…