Thighs Wide Shut

Scream 4
Ghostface Knows No Rust
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 111 min

A franchise’s fourth entry, delivered a decade after its forgettable third, is destined directly for the dust bin, damn’i’right?  Such is NOT the case whatsoever with Scream 4, which somehow, someway, somewhy flows fun new blood into a worn body we all left for dead.  Yes!!!  Believe you we, if this movie was any bit a crap-stain, we’d be the first to tell you that it’s the wurstestest!  Wes Craven keeps the dark alight, and Kevin Williamson gets his script data all meta and stuff, and it works works works!  And while most movies like this tire and get all too redonkeloyous as it progresses towards its end, this movie goes in the opposite direction.  You start off watching it going, OK, been there, done that, hardy har, yadda yaddle, but gotta say, by the time we get to the unmasking, shiz was almos as satisfying as eating 8 Snickers!!!!  It’s true!

And the nicest thing about it all?  Scream 4 is like a haven for actors that Hollywood’s lost sight of, and need work, cause there’s nothing wrong with their talents.  Folks like Neve Campbell (we kinda wish this was Sarah Michelle Gellar’s role, so we could see her again), David Arquette (his character and mustache deserve their own spin-off), Courteney Cox (although her face is more frightening than ghostface’s), Marley Shelton (those eyes! THOSE EYES!!!), and even guys like Anthony Anderson (OK, so maybe he gets a lot of work, but it aint all good work) and Adam Brody (we sob for you Seth Cohen!).  Plus you know all the ingénues put on display here will soon enuff be yesterday’s ingé-news, juss like the aforementioned peeps.  Kids like Hayden Panettiere (having the most fun), Aimee Teegarden (FNLILTF: Friday Night Lighter I’d Like To F$%k), Shenae Grimes (her career will probably disappear post-90210-2) and Marielle Jaffe (whomever she is).  There are three kids that we don’t have to worry about, as their chops should keep them in the game for years to come: Alison Brie (she’s kinda prissy one-notey, but we like that prissy one-notey thang she does!!), Emma Roberts (may end up being a better actress than Auntie Julia… which isn’t too hard of a task), and Rory Culkin (Culkin clan aint nuttin to F#%K WIT!).  That kid Erik Knudsen wasn’t so bad neither, even as the film’s most annoying character

Anywho, to slum things up: Scream 4 was not awful, when it could have so easily been, times like 892727378!!  What more do you need to know?

Also, if you’re jonesining for more Roberts-Culkin action, do yerself a flavor and rent the thighly recommended Lymelife

All Hail Hale: sure, Aimee Teegarden is in a league of our groan, and probably deserves this hottie space, but we’ve never seen this Lucy Hale chick before, who’s like a lovefusion of Alexis Bledel and Mila Kunis, and she’s so Hale AND Hearty that her lovely circles get the square!!!

Verdictgo:  Jeepers Mos Def Worth A Peepers

Scream 4 is currently howling it up at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…