Thighs Wide Shut

Maps To The Stars
A Fine Line Between Glove & Hate
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 112 min

If you ever wanted to see what a David Cronenberg Mulholland Drive would look like, you gots it in his Maps To The Stars, a tale of nasty Hollywood players and their hidden secrets and desires spilling all over each other.  There’s washed-up and vulnerable actress (Julianne Moore), who’s haunted by her dead mom (Sarah Gadon), but finds renewed hope in new assistant/burn victim (Mia Wasikowska), who’s back in town after many years away, and about to wreak quiet havoc on her self-help guru dad (John Cusack), mom (Olivia Williams) and bitter teen star brother (Evan Bird).  Add in Robert Pattinson as a hunky limo driver + a lot of movie talk + a lot of creepiness, and everything goes wrong, and it feels (mostly) oh so right.  Incest is best, but it’s the würst, and Mia Wasikowska and Evan Bird are the bestest!!!!  EVAN BIRD!!!

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Creepers

Stars get geographic currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

A Dangerous Method
Girl Just Wanna Have Jung
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 99 min

A teacher and a pupil and the pupil’s own pupil get into a psychological triangle of thoughts, dreams and masochistic desires in David Cronenberg‘s A Dangeous Method. It’s true, and it’s all true, cause the people we’re talking about are real people!!!  Like the cigar chomping daddy of modern psychology Sigmund Freud (Viggo Mortensen), his reluctant and doubting heir apparent Carl Jung (Michael Fassbender), and Sabina Spielrein (Keira Knightley), a fidgety young Russian girl who takes great pleasure in pain, and has a few of her own thoughts on analyzing this AND that!!!

We see relationships forged, broken, mended and bended all over again, before this trio goes their own ways into the annals of psychoanalytic history. But whose story is this? Freud is on the fringes, observing afar from Vienna, while Jung and the Ruskie take center stage experimenting with some… dangerous methods – read, HOT KINKY HOTNESS!!!!  THEY SHOULDN’T, BUT THEY SHOULD!!!!  Or should they???? What does Freud think of all this???

Mustached Fassbender as Jung owns the proceedings (of course he does, this is Fassbender we’re talking about!!!), but Keira Knightley comes pretty close to upstaging Mr Mos Fantastic Actor of the Moment. At first, her accent seems to flicker in and out of believability, but as the minutes pass, not only does Knightley’s character blossom before our eyes, but she herself, from the run of the mill Jane Austen broad we’ve become bored of, to an actual actress with great range, filled with sirpizes!  Yes, we’re talking about the same KK that is in such boring stuffy British movies like, Crumpets: The Movie. Same also goes with Cronenberg, who sirprizes us by showing he’s capable of making an adult movie that doesn’t succumb to weirdness for weirdness sake, or has William Hurt in it for no reason

moral of the story: a movie about thinking people thinking about other peoples thoughts doesn’t exactly scream ‘see me’, and we cannot necessarily say that A Dangerous Method is something worth screaming about, but it is worth a thought, and a lot of thought was put into it, so think about that.  Remember, it’s a non-weird Cronenberg movie, and William Hurt isn’t in it for no reason, so if that’s what yer thinking, THINK AGAIN!!!  BUT you get to peep at Knightley’s nips AND see Vincent Cassel play yet another oversexed pig, and that’s good enuff for we to think you should see it, maybe.  thoughts?

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

A Dangerous Method wants you to hear its thoughts in NY & LA today, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…