Thighs Wide Shut

Waking Sleeping Beauty
Pix Czars & Lying Kings
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Ever see a Disney movie between the years 1984 and 1994 (or any year for that matter), and possibly even enjoy it?  There’s only one answer to that question (unless you were born after 1994, and if that’s the case, we pity you) and there’s only one thing we have to tell you: do whatever you have to do to see Waking Sleeping Beauty, an incredible new documentary that summarizes the animation division’s almost death, and eventual triumphant resurrection that would even make Jesus envious.  The story is easy meat to digest (watching Disney go from duds like The Black Cauldron to Best Picture Oscar nominee Beauty & The Beast), but what the real sizzle that sizzles more than a steak from Sizzler sizzling in Zzzinzzinnati is that it’s one giant behind the scenes illuminating tell-all, including all of the parties involved in the company’s success and internal power struggle, between heir to the throne Roy Disney (breast in peace!), CEO Michael Eisner and studio head Jeffrey Katzenberg.  With all this juicy finger pointing and mud-slinging strewn about (although there’s plenty of nice things being said as well), it’s truly amazing that the doc was green-lit and given the blessing of the Disney company itself!  While it would have been additionally interesting to chronicle the events that followed 1994 (the rise of Pixar and other rival animation studios), seeing minor glimpses of such alumni as John Lasseter, Tim Burton and Don Bluth walk the same hallowed animation halls speaks plenty unspoken volumes of what happened next outside of the Magic Kingdom.  Then again, give it another decade and maybe there’ll be another killer doc to be made.  We can see it now: The Emperor’s New Old Groove

Crotch Shots: a lot of tibits are awoken in Beauty, but sadly no mention of The Palace with the Phallus from The Little Mermaid.  some might say the bestest Hollywood penis mystery since C-3PO snaps!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Beauty will be beautiful on Friday in NY/LA/SF & Chi-town only, and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Alice In Wonderland
Alice Doesn’t Live or Breathe Here Anymore
Official Website | Trailer & Mo

The pieces were all in place to make this latest incarnation of Alice In Wonderland Alice in wonderful: a visionary loony director, complete with a stop at Disney on his resume (Tim Burton), a comely sorta-young girl with chops le acting (Mia Wasikowska), all supported by a cast of dudes and two dudettes more stellar than Stellan SkarsgÃ¥rd (Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham Carter, Anne Hathaway, Matt Lucas, Crispin Glover!!!, and the voices of Stephen Fry, Michael Sheen, Alan Rickman, Timothy Spall).  Having the pieces are one thing, but how they’re played is all that matters, and while Burton is game, and the race to the finish line is certainly a whimsical one, the product is predictable and juss another notch on his belt of misfire remakes, even if it is the best of em (that’s best of the worst, as Sleepy Hollow is très magnifique!).  Like his Wonka, its beginning is all smooth sailing, then our protagonist enters whatever out of this world world they get themselves mixed up in and it all falls to sleepage.  So when Alice falls down the hole, instead of bothering yoself with what comes next, you might as well hit stop and pop in the Disney cartoon instead

Drink Me: looks like someone resurrected one of our mos flavorite sites, Fake Dr Pepper!!!

Verdictgo:  Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Alice is currently mostly tweedledumb at a theater near jews.  also, opening in NY only today is The Exploding Girl, a flick we caught at last year’s Thighbeca FF and said was ‘so snoozetastic that it makes Wendy & Lucy look as fast & furious as a Jan de Bont flick!‘

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Fantastic Mr Fox
It’s Dahl Good
Trailers & Mo | Official Website

Post-Royal Tenenbaums, Wes Anderson kept trying to make something different, but basically kept making baum clones, one on the high seas and the other in India. It pained us to do so, but after the limited Darjeeling Limited we had purty much given up on the cutesy world of WA. Enuff was certainly enuff (esp the overuse of Owen Wilson), but with his adaptation and interpretation of Roald Dahl‘s Fantastic Mr Fox, enuff has become A-OK again, at least for the time being. Fox is culled from the same Andersonian bag of tricks and thrift store DIY, yet since it was presented in a whole new fashion, stop-motion animation (which we usually cannot stand), what was once olde suddenly feels purty darn new again. Not only has the fun returned, but the radness as well. Instant karma and kudos to you Mr Anderson

Fox is slain and pimple, a pure delight, for young and especially old. It’s briskly paced, as not a single moment of action or dialog is wasted, and before you know it, not much has even transgressed, cept a giant smile that has been perma-fried to your face (we dare you to walk out of the theater w/o one). The voice work if obviously fine (George Clooney, Meryl Streep, Jason Schwartzman, Bill Murray, Wallace Wolodarsky, Eric Chase Anderson… Wes’ bro, Michael Gambon, Willem Dafoe, Owen Wilson… duh, and Jarvis Cocker!!!!!!!!!!!!!), but the real attraction here is the world Anderson has created for these furry lil creatures to steal chickens, rile humans and dig deep holes in. His over-does-it-on-the-details manner hits high marks here, so the only question is, where does he go from here? Hopefully not Royal Tenenbaums IV: Tenenbaums In Space with Owen Wilson as the kooky commander!

Contemporary cool-kid Spike Jonze’ own childhood flight of fancy, Where The Wild Things Are, was equally as wondrous, but too much of a mind-melt for repeat viewings and future enjoyment. Same is spankfully not true of Fox, which will forever and 5ever have a place on everyone’s shelf, right next to Disney’s Robin Hood, which, if you didn’t know, is the single greatetssttetsststststststst kids flick of BALLLLLLSSSS THYME!!!! It is, juss ask us, who have 387372382 degrees in what is amazingzzzz and whatsszz is not

Foxy Lady: never 5get the fantastic Ms Fox, as in Samantha, cause she always wanted to have some fun and we always wanted to touch her body

if the interwebs were around when she was hitting it big, she woulda hit it even bigger cause everyone woulda been hitting theirs shafts with them NSFW pics abound!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Fox is currently holing it up in NY & LA only, but will soon hit up a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Pinder to star in Wolverine spin-off called Xs & Hos

official news that took our breath away:
both of Top Gun’s lead actors are gay!

Bonnie Wright’s 18th Bday pics make it legal for us to love her, or so our lawyers tell us

Disney, the forefathers of recycling [Dr Falada]

New York City : 1961 vs. 2009

Conchords the video game. still waiting for the flamethrower

fake Malin Akerman by the poolside [NSFW]

Mel Kiper, Todd McShay trade hair in draft day shocker

Mike Tyson vs Little Mac, round 2

pharoahe monch + ben lyons, nyc, 2002

Playboy brunettes, thru the yearsz [NSFW]

Kill The Old Man From The Legend of Zelda

an oldie but still a moldie goodie: The Shining trailer recut

and then

ZARDOZZZZZZZZZZ!

and

these NHL playas/entertainers switched @ birth thingies are off the meat hook and rack, especially this Andrei Markov/Rowan Atkinson one

all dough this one featuring a picture of Sean Bean looking like a lion is purty notch top!

Flight of the Navigator‘s
Joey Cramer
FOUND!!!!

+

the ship itself rots somewhere in Orlando

director Randal Kleiser appeared in one of George Lucas‘ first student films, Freiheit [clip]

YTNND

The Urinating Navigator Has No Class