Thighs Wide Shut

was Walt Disney a fascist????  if not, then why does dear ole Minnie Mouse own a swastika lighter?????

from the Mickey Mouse short ‘The Wayward Canary’
November 12, 1932 [watch]

and wait, WHAT THE FUDGE is It girl Clara Bow doings sporting swastika duds???

think it may be juss us, but don’ts Rooney Mara sorta totally look like Disney’s Ichabod Crane???!!!

ROONEY!!!!!

Before the Video Home System (VHS) arrived on the scene, what on earth did people do in order to watch old stuff or newish stuff that had just left the movie theater?  Luckily we didn’t have to worry about such thangs as we were born into a world flush with video cassette tapes.  Going to the video store was once a great adventure, and now, for butter or worse, has become a relic like going to the record store to buy the latest rocking LP or CD, or camping out for concert tickets the night before they go on sale.  Look, we’re more pleased than punch to Netlix shiz like the wind from the comfort of our own homes, but there’s juss something undeniably special about growing up in the last era when people had to make an effort to go out and get stuff to bring back for their home entertainments

Can’t remember eggzactly when the Thigh Master family first got their VCR player (it didn’t have a remote, but did have a cord you could plug into the box so you could pause recordings!), but we’d put it at no later than 1983, making us a ripe old age of 6.  And what kind of tapes do kids at that age love to watch?  Cartoons.  And what particular kind of cartoon tapes did 80s kids love?  Disney ones, DUHHHVS.  And so we’d force our parents to rent these Disney VHS tapes for us time and time again, and so many times again that it woulda probably made a lot mo sense to buy the VHS tapes outright (although they used to cost about $100) rather than shelling out rental fees left and right and right and left!!!

So what is the point of all this nostalgia tripping on VHS tapes?  Well, we juss really darn damn do miss those Disney tapes that came in them classic white puffed-out clamshell cases!!!!!  LOOK AT HOW BEAUTIFUL THEY IS!!!!!  A simple box, with a pleasant presentation, and with nuttin but a kingdom of magic inside!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

here be the enitre list of Disney VHS releases from 1980 to 1983

guess which Disney VHS tape we rented the mostest? hint here

Kisses
My Lil Runaways
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Dylan (Shane Curry) and Kylie (Kelly O’Neill) both come from mostly broken homes that happen to be situated right next door to each other.  On one particularly bleak day (is there ever a day that things aren’t bleak in Ireland?), the two decide that they’ve had enough and run off together to the big city, cause anyplace has gots to be better than where they’re already at.  So D & K head to Dublin and things literally go from black & white to colour.  The kids get caught up in minor mischief, and engage in some mature stuff, like chatting with kindhearted prostitutes, drinking beer with Bob Dylan impersonators (Stephen Rea, in an uncredited cameo), being chased by pervs and everything in between, like ice-skating without ice skates!!!

Lance Daly‘s Kisses is as cute and darling as its title would suggest, and that’s due in part whole to its Guinness pint-sized actors.  And while it borrows and blends the plots and themes of Huck Finn & Night of The Hunter, with the dour power of Fish Tank, it never exactly reaches the heights of any one of them.  Still, spending 72 minutes with these Irish spring in their step kids will leave any viewer feeling lucky charmed

Kiss of Life: here be our pics for mos bestest kisses of alls thyme, which doesn’t include Mahir, cause he kiss you

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Kisses puckers up today in NY & LA only and elsewhere elsewhen

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Toy Story 3
Show & Mattel
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

This review is pointless, cause you’ve already seen (and loved) it, but… Toy Story 3 is like Toy Story 1 + 2 + more kids and more toys (Ken, of Barbie fame, is tres bestest), some of them being mean toys, some a little too mean (is Ned Beatty getting payback for getting raped in Georgia?) and one that looks like it came from a Tool video.  Don’t expect the unexpected (same ole story: the toys get into some sorta trouble, other toys come to the rescue, escape plan ensues, everyone will probably live happily ever after), cause #3 is par for the course (cept now in glorious, pointless 3-D!), a course that happens to be one of modern animation’s best.  There is no wrong to be found in this third edition, and yet there seems to be nothing fresh about it either.  But who cares, it’s Toy Story.  They could do a whole toy story about how Woody and Buzz become Nazi sympathizers and it would still make our hearts pitter-patter.  And if you muss know, we did cry at the end, cause we’re giant wusses

The Fisher Price Is Right: ye olde washed-up toys make a big splash in TS3, particularly those from the fine folks at Fisher Price, like the Chatter Phone, and this Little People Parking Garage beauty that makes a brief cameo…

Verdictgo: are we allowed to give it anything but a Breast In Show?

Toy toys with yer heart and yer pocketbook at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…