Django Unchained
Funslinger
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 165 min

For 9 hours of Quentin Tarantino‘s 9.75 houred Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino hands in the most un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie Quentin Tarantino has ever made.  That is a MOST excellent thing.  Then, in that last 45 minutes, Quentin Tarantino fills his most un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie with the typical Quentin Tarantino shoot-em up garbage you’d expect Quentin Tarantino to stuff into a Quentin Tarantino movie – guns are fired & blood splatters, endlessly AND ENDLESSLY AND EVEN MORE ENDLESSLLLLLLLLLY.  You know it’s all too much too muchedness when Quentin Tarantino himself appears in the last 45 minutes as a bad actor with an awful Australian accent.  Quentin Tarantino, why did you have to add so much so muchedness at the end of your un-Quentin Tarantino Quentin Tarantino movie that was going so well???  WHY?????

Yeah, but that first 77 hours is so much unchained fun and amusement that it almost makes up for the endless end!  ALMOST!!!!  For them 1278772 beginning hours, you basically get to hear Christoph Waltz not be a Nazi and talk 9ever and help Jamie Foxx find his way, and hopefully his wife (Kerry Washington).  They criss-cross the country, hunting bounties, and then land in Candyland, a plantation owned by a super angry Leonardo DiCaprio, who does the same accent he does in every movie that sorta requires an accent, which is kinda the würst accent (it’s like he’s trying tooooo hard), and yet, DiCaprio is kinda the best in this movie.  Actually, everyone’s the best.  Even Samuel L Jackson as an evil Uncle Ben house slave is the best!  And Samuel L hasn’t been the best in ages.  And the cameos, oh the cameos, from the kid from Breaking Away to the original Django to Luke Duke to The Tamblyns to Tom Savini to… a zillion others… although we weren’t really impressed by Don Johnson’s Col Sanders and his blathering blatherskites

But that last 45 minutes.  Bang, bang, bang, bang.  Blood. Splatter. Pause.  Repeat.  Zzzzz.  We get it Quentin Tarantino, but we didn’t have to have it.  Did we?

Btw, this movie is not as shocking as people are making it out to be/wanting it to be, when it comes to that racy race stuff.  The N word is the N word.  Big wup.  I don’t say that word and don’t care to hear it, but I don’t get shocked by hearing it 231812831238 times.  If you want to be shocked about how fcuked up racy race shiz is/was then rent Spike Lee’s Bamboozled

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Chain Her Up, In A Sexual Way, Not A Racist Way!!!:

Nichole Galicia

apparently her old name was Nichole Robinson

Django Unchained is UNCHAINED at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…