Thighs Wide Shut

Harry Potter & The Deathly Hallows: Part 1
School’s Out!!!!!!!!
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

No more pencils, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks!!!  SPANK THE LORD SLODERMORT!!!!!!!!  If there was anything dragging the movie versions of Harry Potter down down down it was the 909% snooze-a-roni-ness that filled the hallowed halls of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft & Boredom!!!!!  BYE BYE DUMPHOLE!!!!!!!!!!!  Ahhhh J.K. Rowling, what took you so long to ditch the wand and finger waving adults and let the kids run rampant???????????  We haven’t read one of yer boooooks in ages, but whatever’s within yer 7th and final book The Deathly Hallows is deathly awesomes!!!!  EAT THAT DEATH EATERS!!!!!!!!!!!

We have no recollection of what happened in the last movie, The Half-Blood Prince, but apparently we claimed it was the bestest since Cuarón‘s Azkaban.  Well, that can’t be the case, even if that was the case, cause Part 1 (of 2) of Hallows IS the bestest since #3, hands AND thighs down.  Why?  See above graphpara.  Why more?  Cause 84% of this bizatch is nuttin but Daniel Radcliffe, Emma Watson and Rupert Grint running around a zillion picturesque English countrysides, borrowing adventures from the pages of LOTR and Narnia, but who flippin cares, cause David Yates brings the loves and not the hates!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  + Dobby is even tolerable!!! + there’s a scene with like 9 Harry Potters in one room!!! + Peter Mullan!!! + Rhys Ifans (as a perfect dad to Evanna Lynch)!!!! + there’s like some sorta cartoon shadow puppet storytelling bit thingie that’s like so outta place and yet so in the right place + David O’Hara, Steffan Rhodri and Sophie Thompson do the bestest kids trying to act like adults acting since Dudley Moore pretended he was Kirk Cameron in the body of Dudley Moore!!! + there’s like some sorta digital Hermione wet dream thing where she’s like sorta naked with like digital side boobs and it makes Ron like totally horny AND angry!!!!  + her digital side boobs are like bigger than her real ones!!!! (it’s OK to say this cause she’s like 20 and stuff!!!)

YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

But we will admit, there be something totally not the knees bees in Potterdom: Ralph Fiennes as Voldemort.  Slain and pimple, it juss don’t work.  Don’t know if it’s the know know of knowing it’s Fiennnennes behind the mask or the fact that the mask has no clothes like that emperor that had no clothes.  We know he’s suppose to be scary, but he’s the furthest thing from scary.  Harry has better screen nemesisismsism with Snape and the Malforys than he does with the dude with no nose.  Hopefully Part 2 won’t be a part doo-doo, even though it’s obvious that Voldy will loom large, and boviously get his before he gets a new nose!!!

Wright On!!!!!: Bonnie Wright is fo’shiz the shiz, so what is mo shiz than B Wright?  um, how bout Wright + Moretz!!

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Potter is Deathly aware of how FRANZTASTIC it is today at a theater near jews

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…