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The Unlevened Eleventh Annual Thighs Wide Fooball Pee View

09. Sep, 2016 2 Comments

Tony Romo’s broken, but our Annual NFL Pee View aint. Â here we go…

NFC

ben-mcadoo-begbie-trainspotting

The Giants should easily win the NFC East,Â right? Â Ben McAdoo? Â More likeÂ Ben McAdon’t! Â They say he looks like some dude on South ParkÂ (a show I haven’t watched since season 1),Â butÂ I think he looks like a bullsh!t version of Begbie from Trainspotting. Â Regardless, in my heart of hearts, I want no team to win less than them. Â Living in New York City, during a time when they’ve netted 2 Lombardi trophies, has been simply unbearable. Â Having them suck above all other NY sports teams is all I can hang my hopes on to. Â I don’t trust the Redskins, but I actually think they’re more together than the other teams in their division (Eagles may suprise, but probably not), and so, they will make the playoffs… and probably lose in the first round again

Silly to think that theÂ PackersÂ have only won one Super Bowl with A.A. Ron Rodgers, but that’s the truth. Â His brother ‘won’ the Bachelorette,Â and apparently there’s been much Rodgers family drama going on with their ladies, which will distract A.A. Ron from winning another. Â The Vikes need another sex boat scandal to become sexy again, and the Bears are praying the Cubs dominance will continue to take the edge and attention off and away from their awfulness… which leaves the Megatron-less Lions being the mightiest of this bunch. Â Woah! Â Say it aint so!

TheÂ PanthersÂ will remain one of the conference’s top dogs (or should that be cats?), but the Saints will give them a run for their money all season long. Â Brees willÂ actual break the record for most TDs in a game – a record he is currently shares with 7 other white dudes. Â TheÂ Bucs will continue to suck until they realize that they need to revert back to their originalÂ uniformsÂ andÂ helmet. Â And the Falcons? Â Time to put Matty on ice for good, or in a dumpster (on fire or not)

The 12th man and the 11 startingÂ SeahawksÂ will retake their West crown back from theÂ Cardinals, in 4pm EST games most of us will not really care about, but will watch, cause it’s football!!! Â Will be cool to see the RamsÂ back in Los Angeles, and even more cooler when we see the Rams without Jeff Fisher. Â What woulda been even way more cooler is if they renamed themselves the Los Angeles Dons – the 1st football team to ever play in LA, which was co-owned byÂ Louis B Mayer, Bob Hope, Bing Crosby, and Don Ameche! Â DON FCUKING AMECHE PEOPLE!!

la-dons-ticket

#1 Seahawks

#2 Panthers

#3Â Skinz

#4Â Lions

#5Â Cardinals

#6Â Saints

NFC Championship â€“ SaintsÂ meet up with theÂ PanthersÂ and stun the defending Conference champ – 44 – 39!!!

nice neck!

giant-neck

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AFC

Is this the year theÂ PatriotsÂ don’t getter-done? Â Everyone’s sick of them and their cheating. Â That’s why the NFL punished them – even though they’ve never been proven guilty of anything, other than being amazing. Â (OK, I guess they got caught in Spygate, but that was almost 10 years ago, and I can’t remember what happened 10 seconds ago). Â We certainly shouldn’t count them out, but lets say Jimmy GalapagosÂ isn’t Tom Brady II. Â OK – Jimmy Santangelo isn’t the 2nd coming of Tom Brady. Â Lets say he puts them in a 0-4 hole to start the season. Â OK, Jimmy Gulps loses 4 games. Sure, Brady could win the next 12, but lets say he only wins 9? Â 9-7 is tough tomatoes when talking about AFC playoff spots. Â Seems like some AFCers have finished 10-6 and haven’t made the dance. Â So, for giggles and big sh!ts, lets say the Pats try their dam damn bestest, but don’t make it to the playoffs! Â I’M CALLING IT!!! Â Cause honestly, what else do I have to do? Â So, I guess that means I have to pick a division winner. Â I have a soft spot in my heart for the Bills, but one coach Ryan is too many coach Ryans, so two coach Ryans is too two too many. Â Phins stink, so my defacto winnerÂ are the Jets!!!

RGIII is now the Browns‘ problem, but it’s a perfect place for him – lowÂ visibilityÂ and even lowerÂ expectations. Â And I expect him to be placed on injured reserve when his ego deflates in week 4, when his former teammates on the Redskins scalp his RGKnees toÂ shreds!!! Â I don’tÂ dig onÂ theÂ Steelers and their drug addicted team, andÂ I don’t digÂ the Ravens neither (mainly cause black still doesn’t pair well with purple). Â I also don’t diggity dig on the BengalsÂ none either neither, but at least their consistent, at being good in the regular season, and sucking in the post-season. Â The NFL’s storylines don’t change dramatically from year to year, so the Cincy boys will win. Â Insert ‘Zzz’ emoji here…

Gonna spare you and me the words, and leave the North division to one word -Â ColtsÂ

I’m doing it again, two years in a row – picking theÂ Chiefs, BroncosÂ and ChargersÂ all to make the playoffs, cause why the funk not? Â Hell, the Raiders even have a shot… when they move to Vegas and become The Las Vegas He Hates Mees!

he-hate-me

Seeds

#1 Colts

#2Â Bengals

#3Â Jets

#4 Chiefs

#5Â Broncos

#6Â Chargers

AFCÂ Championship â€“ IF the Pats don’t make the Playoffs, theÂ ColtsÂ with luck without suck will groundÂ the JetsÂ – 21 – 10

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Super Bowl â€“wait, how did I pick a rematch of Super Bowl XLIV??? Â dunno – but these things happen, but this time the Colts win,Â and the two teams combine to break the record of most points scored in a Super Bowl (75 pts in Super Bowl XXIX)

ColtsÂ 39, SaintsÂ 37

rumspringaÂ party time for all the Amish kids!!!

luck

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our super ye olde yee pee views always used to end with a pic ofÂ Meagan GoodÂ in a Hooters outfit, cause why not? Â we thought we used every single Meagan Good in a Hooters outfit picture in the knownÂ world, but turns out we didn’t! Â lucky you! Â lucky me! Â lucky we!!

meagan-good-hooters