Chappaquiddick
Sunk Political Aspirations
Official Site | Trailers & Mo
PG-13 | 101 min

You’ve heard the names Chappaquiddick, Ted Kennedy and Mary Jo Kopechne before, but do you truly KNOW the UNTOLD STORY between those three?  I didn’t either, BUT NOW THE TRUTH CAN BE TOLD!!!  IN MOVIE FORM!

CHAPPAQUIDDICK!!!!!!!!!!!!

And?

Chappaquiddick > Chappaqua

Chappaquiddick > quidditch 

Chappaquiddick > Japaquidbitch (whatever that means)

but fo’realz, this movie has more umph and gusto and infotainment to it in every inch of its being than the snoozefest The Post had in all of its snoozing.  TAKE THAT THE POST!!!  Take your Oscar nominations and shove em up yer a$$!

But I’m a sucker for faux Kennedy accents and novelty teef, and so I was THE target audience to watch Jason Clarke loom large as the Massachusetts Senator done bad and make dumb.  You root for Jason as Ted, and you shake your head at him/them, and then you want to smack him like father Joe does (Bruce Dern, making quite the splash with limited strokes), and then you want hug him, and then you want to shrug him, and then you want to vote for him, and then you want to leave theater cause the movie has ended and there’s nothing left to see, but there was PLENTY to see, including Kate Mara drown, and Ed Helms be effective in a drama (when I didn’t think he could shake his funniness and be serious), and Jim Gaffigan do the same (although he barely has anything to do, and he’s still the biggest waste of CBS Sunday Morning screentime), and Clancy Brown with slicked back McNamara hair!!!

The truth has been told, or whatever truth they claim to be true, and I fell for it, hook, line and sunk-her

Verdictgo: Breast In Show

Chappaquiddick doesn’t suck dick at a theater near jews and white nationalists

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Vacation
Rustyed Roots
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 99 min

When you see 2015’s Vacation you automatically don’t expect it to eclipse or come even close to what 1983’s National Lampoon’s Vacation is or was.  Then again, when you see a comedy in 2015, or pretty much any time you saw a comedy this century, it has rarely been anything remotely comparable to what  made those classic 80s comedy classics.  That golden era is way over.  Comedy has changed, not so much evolved, perhaps even devolved (blame Sandler), but I personally do not expect much from a comedy in this day in age (or expect much of anything from anything!).  DAMN YOU 21st CENTURY!!!! YOU BLOW GOATS!!!!  The exceptions have been exceptional, but I can count them on my toes – The (two) Trips, Borat y Brüno, Death At A Funeral (the Caucasian version), Napoleon Dynamite, and the Jackass series.  It’s a sad state of affairs for a genre that’s suppose to be funny.  Well, the new Vacation is NOT joining that list, but…

They made a new Vacation, and of course we had to see it, and kinda have to admit – was even a little excited for it.  Love me some Ed Helms, and the thought of him playing a grown-up Rusty Griswold seemed like the right idea… and that is certainly the case here (plus you juss KNEW he was going to sing, and I love him singings).  Sure, he’s no (vintage) Chevy Chase, but who is?  No one.  So throw that dumb thought out.  And what about Christina Applegate as the modern day Beverly D’Angelo?  Works for me, and the movie too!  Throw in two kids with mostly thankless roles (Skyler Gisondo + Steele Stebbins), a silly vehicle, grand ole American destinations, and you have – a road trip movie with enuff jokes and sight gags (mostly dumb ones) to make me laugh, early and often.  YES, there’s stuff in there that doesn’t work/isn’t funny (the Four Corners cops especially), but co-writers/directors John Francis Daley (yeah, that awkward looking kid from Freaks & Geeks) and Jonathan Goldstein do a good enuff job to not blow out the tires on the Griswolds’ latest batch of screen fun

Yep, the new Vacation is totally NOT awful.  It’s totally no 1983 Vacation, but it’s its own modern comedy thing, and while none of us will probably be quoting it 30 years from now, I’d be fine with another Vacation three years from now with Helms at the helm… but only if they replace their kids with other actors.  Not cause they aint any good at acting, but juss cause, you know

–

ps – it blew my mind when I later in life found out that it was the dude from Fleetwood Mac who sang ‘Holiday Road‘ (which obviously was used in the new movie).  czech out the original video for it.  super 80s strange! (they also don’t make music vids like they used to either!)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHf5yiIxhoQ

Verdictgo: Jeepers Worth A Peepers

Vacation hits the road at a theater near jews today

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

The Hangover Part II
Hung Out, Too Dry
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 102  min

The Hangover I was purty darns good (remember kids, we usually don’t say such nice things about modern comedies!).  Its sequel, not at all.  It’s one thing to repeat the entire plot (in a new, more exotic setting!!!), but it’s another to not come through on the only thing that matters – jokes that cause laughter.  Don’t know if the script was rushed into being, or perhaps the writers (Craig Mazin and Scot Armstrong, along with director Todd Phillips) honestly thought that they had constructed something truly hilarious, but the only souls laughing here are the studio heads, all the way to the bank with the buckoo-bucks we handed over to them for this uninspired and tired effort.  Who’s game for a third one?  Probably everyone but the audience!!

You know your comedy doesn’t work if you can’t make any use of Zach Galifianakis‘ talent.  Wonder what Zachy thinks of the script, especially since this material is 9 feet beneath him + the fact that he sorta hates the hand that feeds him.  It’s not like the acting is bad (Bradley Cooper and Ed Helms do what is asked of them), well, unless we’re talking about the ‘acting’ of half note ‘actor’ Ken Jeong (who makes awful novice Mason Lee look like Charlton Heston), and the direction is fine (it does resemble a thing that we call a movie), but 1nce again, it comes down to this – THERE ARE NO LAUGHS.  Well, that’s not not entirely true.  There were probably 2 of them (‘K’ as in knife, is one of them), and of course none came from the tongues of Ken Jeong, poor bland Justin Bartha, a wasted Paul Giamatti, or that smoking monkey that’s suppose to be hilarious cause it’s a monkey that smokes!!  Ha, ha, ha.  So funny that we forgot to laugh

Hangover 10: Kim Lee

not to be confused with Lee Kim

Verdictgo: Slit Yer Eyes Out Repoopulous

be a teetotaler and stay away from yer local theater showing The Hangover II

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…

Cedar Rapids
Convention-al
Official Website | Trailers & Mo

Cedar Rapids is fun, but not all that funny.  Ed Helms‘ smile and aw shucks attitude can only take us so far.  Same with him singing a song (you knew it was gonna happen).  Remove John C. Reilly‘s slimy, but welcome energy and all you have left is Isiah Whitlock Jr making two Wire refs and Anne Heche looking really really reallly fine.  Some showing of her side boobage doesn’t hurt, but that’s not a movie (and neither is showing Sigourney Weaver in a nightie).  And is it us or is director Miguel Arteta creatively moving backwards instead of forward?  How do you start with edgy shiz like Chuck & Buck and move onto whatevs dot net like Youth In Revolt?  Lets blame writer Phil Johnston! Rapids is his first feature writing assignment, and it feels like one, so he only has room to improve, and try to make us laugh! Try try try again PJ!

Arbor Weekend: Cedar Rapids was not filmed in Cedar Rapids, Iowa, but in Ann Arbor, Michigan, and mainly at their Clarion Hotel and Conference Center!!! [check out the pics!]

Verdictgo: Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges

Cedar Rapidly semi-declines currently in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…