Bale & Hardly
26. Dec, 2013 
2 Comments
American Hustle
Hustle & (Mostly) Blows
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 129 min
American Hustle sorta tells the story of the Abscam FBI sting operation that took place in the late 70s/early 80s. Some of the names (and details) have been changed to protect the imbeciles. Some of it is entertaining, but most of it is like one REALLLLLLLLLLY long run on sentence that keeps on going and going and going.  Director David O Russell and writer Eric Singer swing for Goodfellas-ian heights, but kinda blows it like 2001’s Blow – all 70s scenery, but not much beyond the sniffy, sweaty surface.  But oh, those surfaces…
like…
hey, if you’ve always wanted to see 1/3rd of good-too-shoes Amy Adams‘s boobs (I never wanted to), then this is the boobie/movie for you!
or see Jeremy Renner smile in a movie, for the first time ever!!!
or be depressed watching Bradley Cooper give his all again (this time with curls!!!), and think about how much bullsh!t it was that he didn’t win best actor Oscar last year for the much better Silver Linings Playbook
and then watch his Oscar-winning co-star J-bLaw blah us to death with her blah acting and eyes that bore her and we to tears
or JO to the thought of a mustache ride from Jack Huston!!!
or watch Alessandro Nivola steal the show, in like a grand total of 6 minutes that he’s in the movie
and look, we all LOVE Louis CKÂ and all, but lets face it, he can’t act
THE ARABIC VERSION OF ‘WHITE RABBIT’!!!
but nothing and nobody tops Christian Bale as a combed-over, hairy chested, big gutted Jewish dude, who hides behind those tinted shades OH SOOOOO WELLL. Â BALE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Â Man, CB is such a fcuking great actor. Â So much so that I’m starting to think that the Batman movies were a waste of his time. Â Anyone can be Batman (I’m sure even Affleck can’t ruin Batman), and since anyone can, we lost the time that Bale coulda been in other movies, like ones were he coulda played some overly intense mother-effer, who’s quietly ready to explode at any given moment. Â Bless you Bale. Â May you be ready to smolder at any given moment in a zillion movies to come
Verdictgo:Â Sum Merit But No Stinkin Badges
Hustle American’t currently at a theater near jews
and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…
