Thighs Wide Shut

To Rome With Love
Amore or Less-a – 4 Mini I-talian Woody Allen Movies
Official Website | Trailers & Mo
R | 102 min

Woody Allen‘s latest has four I-talianish stories that have nothing to do with each other, or really anything in general.  here’s a breakdown of the 4 stories…

story 1 is about average schmo Roberto Benigni, who one day, for no reason, becomes famous for just being himself.  this story is more stoopid than a typical Roberto Benigni movie (not talking bout Life Is Beautiful here).  Woody should have just made him re-enact his winning an Oscar zaniness or maybe the two should juss remake Jerry Lewis’ never released The Day The Clown Died.  anywho, story 1 is a good story… to run out of the theater if you need to take a giant dump

story 2 is about a pair of newlyweds (Alessandra Mastronardi & Alessandro Tiberi) who come to Rome with big job prospects from relatives, but they first must impress them.  The wife gets lost in the city, and for no reason a prostitute (Penélope Cruz) arrives at the husband’s door, right when his relatives show up, so the relatives think that the hooker is his wife, so the husband pretends that she’s his wife, and hilarity doesn’t ensue.  Meanwhile, the wife gets more lost, and eventually locks arms with some bald movie star and yadda yadda, who cares, whatevs.webs

story 3 is about Woody (BACK IN FRONT OF THE CAMERA BIZNITCHES!!!! AHHHH YEAH!!!!) meeting his daughter (not muse, but solid Allen player Alison Pill)’s about to be in-laws.  New Yorkers meet Romans – hilarity kinda mildly ensues, cause future in-law mortician papa (opera tenor Fabio Armiliato) is a diamond in the rough opera tenor superstar, but is only a blammazin singer in the shower.  Woody wants to make him a star, but how can he be a star without a shower????  We’ll juss leave it at that, as the what happens next stuff (WHICH YOU ALREADY PROBABLY ALREADY FINGERED OUT, ALREADY, CAUSE YOU SO SMART)  is one of the bettererer parts of the movie, sorta

story 4 is about Jesse Eisenberg who falls in love with his girlfriend’s (non-actress Greta Gerwig) actress best friend (Ellen Page), all while getting sage imaginary advice from Alec Baldwin.  This is the typical, watchable, enjoyable Woody Allen movie story plot thing that happens to be trapped in a movie with half crap and 1/4 of semi-amusingness

moral of the story – for a movie set in Italy, it’s kinda odd that all the bits and pieces that don’t work mainly have to do with the Italian characters and actors in the film.  our thinking like this is nots causes we’re American and only like American stuff (you’ve been to our older sister-site, NonUSHotties, right???), but it’s a fact, as proven by we, by saying so, and we juss said so, that the Italian parts need more spicing in the a meatballs

Verdictgo: acceptable low end Jeepers Worth A Peepers

To Rome gets a lil Love in limited release

and until next thyme the balcony is clothed…