Thighs Wide Shut

•

We here at Thighs are sick of terrorists and people who love pita and hate Jews. Why do you hate Jews? Is it cause Jews control the Israeli media? Is it cause Rob Cohen makes the wurstest movies of balls thymes? Is it cause we’re secretly keeping the band Beirut from becoming bigger than Fall Out Boy, whomever the fork they are? ENUFF. All we want is peace and a piece of Sasha Cohen’s a$$, and to be hunted down by only one man, Borat [Guns N Rosenthal]. Since the UN, and the US, and the president of UTZ have been dilly-dallying and eating Dilly Bars instead of taking action on this whole Middle East thang that has escalated more than the wooden escalators at Macy’s, I’ve secretly dispatched a mos special envoy to the region to save the day. Wish our boys luck. And boys, don’t spend all yer per diem money on shawarma and 3 shekel whores

U.N. Orders Wonka To Submit To Chocolate Factory Inspections

related: woman foiled by Onion article or was she?

SLOP THE PRESSES: Kate Bosworth Has Two Different Colored Eyes

Falkor’s sis slips nip [Barely NSFW]

Enuff of this is Lily Allen hot or not crap, cause there are more pressin hot or notnesseses to decide, like animated Elenaor [VID] or real Elenaor, who isn’t all that animated

You’d think carpetbagger Navratilova would be encouraging female moaning

t.A.T.u. hearts tacos

CNBC hearts seafood

Mike Bossy hearts Canadian chips

Smokey Robinson hearts soul in a bowl

the mos genius thing Chevy Chase has uddered in over a decade

Blair Warner beats kids [Per Rez]

name NY’s new lacrosse team. My suggestion was The New York Peppermint Patties

list of problems solved by MacGyver + Young MacGyver? [last via Pakula Shaker]

not coming soon to a theater near spew: Jennifer Ellison On A Plane

peace the fork out to Guy Haines’ sluty wife Miriam, who was 1/2 of Bruno’s victims in his diabolical criss-cross plan, as seen in Hitchcock’s finest work (not counting Psycho) Strangers On A Train

[1925 – 2006]
and a belated p.t.f.o. to Fabián Bielinsky, director of the thumbcredible Nine Queens

The Top 30 Game Show Hosts of All Time

Bird’s Eye View of Famous Homes

Star Wars helmets [Sea Hear]

Espacios publicitarios [Faddle Fiddle]

free passes to what will end up being the wurstest flick of the summer

another bag [Binkster]

World’s Longest Hot Dog

I Was Assaulted By This Man Who Identified Himself as a Police Officer and Refused to Provide Me Identification, Photography is Not a Crime

Fiddle Kids

Cats that look like Hitler

Muffs that look like Hitler [NSFW]

Pink Is The New Stupid [Pink Is The New Blog]

Bee Dogs [Popbitch]

a monkey playing Ms. Pacman

Egypt’s defunct Fantazy Land

no comment

and better keeps on getting butterer…

+ 2 Office webisodes for you gooing measure

+ the news of the OG UK crew cameoinging on season 3, sans Ricky G, who’s probably too busy conjuring up more Extras bordem

+ wam, bam, thank you Pam, and Puma, for these snorkin hot snaps from what who i did all this weekend!

[JJ]
and yeah, I think I was at the Siren Festival on Saturday, or something, although I only listened to 15 minutes of music for the 6+ hours my cru and I were damaging our bodies, in this particular order:
deep throated corn dog
finger banged bacon-cheesed out fries
slurppped giant a$$rsed beer like it was yer pa’s giant cock
rode the cyclone like i did yer mom the night before
rode the wonder wheel
got high on wonder wheel
wondered why wheel stopped
must be high
i wondered
it rained
asked spook-a-rama ride operator if ride was spooky
he shrugged his shoulders
rode it anways
wurstest ride of balls time
rain continued
skeed skeeball like we were skee-lo skeeting on mischa
cashed out our tix for hawt prizes
got meself a hawt american flag pin
i love america
another round of beers
got our freak on
by shooting the freak
things gettin quite beerlarious
acted like steve carlton fisk
and hit up the batting cages
fought the pitching machine
after it called my mother names
i headbutted it
it beaned me with a ball
i beaned your mother with a ball
she had a boston tea bagging party with my balls
waited in a hugemungos line
for some of dat fame-yes totonno’s za
shit was taking forever
so we ordered it takeout
via cell phone from the street
gawd bless america
and techmology
they told us it was gonna take 1/2 hour
wasted time
by going to crazy russian liquor sto across the street
they had crazy russian liquor
like crazy tetris vodka
and crazy nesting egg vodka
and crazy yakov smirnoff vodka
and one named after every russian territory
from the 80s version of risk
settled on jack
probably not the breastest idea
inhaled pizza in zeria
i hugged every person who works there
even the guy touching the dough
he left dough dust on my clothes
they loves me
i loves them more
cyclone, one last time
note to self
always ride cyclone drunk
hippie danced to scissor sisters for 15 minutes tops
wait, there’s a music festival nick goings on today?
car service back to civilization
feeling hella nauseous
must hold in the urge to purge
holding
sweating
odd looks
and “are you ok?”s from fellow passengers
“don’t talk to me”, i tell myself
although i’m telling that to them
but they can’t hear me
cause i’m talking to myself
anywho
made it back in what seemed like 283487932 minutes
yaked like pro
i may turn pro at the end of this season
passed the fork out
awokened up by gaius julius caesar on hbo’s rome
rinse
repeat

coney island is my mos flavorite thing about NYC
seriously, next banging your mother in the gowanus tunnel

ABC AXES
INVASION

THIGHMASTER
VOWS VENGEANCE
and
VOWS TO EAT COWS

BUT WILL THE CW
SAVE THE DAY?

and flubs course, this can only mean one thing…

How dare they do what they do did. One of televenison’s mos bestest and underappreciated shows will go the way of Drexell’s Class, the one year wonder rubbish bin, after the season/series finale airs this Thursday. SHAME SHAME SHAMUS!!! This show was groundbreaking, earthshattering, neptuneshattering, uranusshattering, like a giant dildo in yer anus!! I cannot recall one single program in the history of the we-tube that had a dude with a perma-5 o’lock shadow with a hot-ass brunette wife and an even hottier-arsed blond ex-wife with a girl that looks like a monkey who showed Bill Murray her b-day suit [NSFW] with a dude with a 9-head with a kid who looks like Jack White as a kid with a guy who could totally pass for a Mog in certain circles.

Guns n’ Roses bloom again in the 1st 2 outta 4 NYC showz. I regretfully missed the Metallica/GNR tour back in the ’92, so I’m trying to make up for it by going to the bastardization version 2nite at Hammerstein. I’ll be sure to bring a pillow, since Axl probably won’t show up til 3am…. when KLF usually rocks us [vid]. Bi they gay, I’d never heard of this song b4, but I’m total cereal lovin KLF’s ‘Doctorin’ The Tardis’ [vid | d]

Initial VV Siren Fest line-up announced. Even if Jesus was playing with Hedrix AND Moses and wit Matt Sorum on drums, I’d still spend my entire day smokin doobies on the Wonder-Wheel, hittin up the battling cages, and digesting anything with bacon at indigestion land

Dude, Mandy Moore grows super fly by the minute rice AND she likes Jewish boys with good senses of humors! I know she’s talking about Zack Boo, but I think she’s secretly fingering herself in my image. Or at least that’s what my 4th personality told me.

Anderson Coops goes 420, but not that 420. When will he break out his Nash board and go all 720° on us? And why the spigs do 60 Mins keep adding correspondents? They shoulda kept 60 Mins 2 for all the 2nd rate scrubs they have on board. Speaking of, where the jim fassel has Steve Hartman and his jerkassedness been?

[MFH]
The lean, and now the wink? WHAT WILL THEY THINK OF NEXT?! Hopefully it involves a lot of bending over and women

Optimus Prime time

I’m sure you didn’t see it in del previous post, cause yer sick of reading movie reviews, but… Corey Haim movie trailers

‘Chanukah’s da Bomb’ [vid] by Alan Dershowitz‘ mos flavorite band that’s appearing on the Kidzapalooza stage at Lollapalooza, Chutzpah

I know this is like 17 years too late, but I forgot how slow Martika’s ‘Toy Soldiers’ [vid|d] waz, after many a repeated thighpod listenings to Eminem’s version [d]. Howevs, I will never forgot the last trioing of powerhouse actors Wil Wheaton, Keith Coogan, and Samwise

Strangers With Candy: The Music

They say heavan is place on earth, but this shiz below is outta this world, as well as control. So much so, that I wish I could borrow dem wheels for 12 minutes and have me a 5some with Falkor/Mischa and Sasha/Childlike P in the back of this baby!!

[mo snaps vis Chaoss]
Save Buddy’s buddies

CelebFavorites.com, cause everyone really needs to know which Thomas Edison Museum Brittany Murphy frequents

The Deal Or Now Deal models

You Say Toby, I Say Tobey

Lily Allen’s mos bored fan, in VIDEO FORM!

One Love, Stay Puft

Moustache May [Precogz]

Super Ma
rio 1, now with 100% more Bullet Bill! [Go! Rilla]

для тех, кто не был в Воронеже, выкладываю шесть фото меня в составе косплей-группы по Samurai Champloo

‘Hail to the Chief’ played on the hands [Dat Nguyen]

Enema Recipes [Denver Bronchitis]

And if it was possible for two fictional men to have a child, I’d select President Logan and Miles Papazian to be the true My Two Dads. Hell, I love Miles and his last name so much, I’ll father the effin anti-Christ child!

MUSTARD MAN
FOUND!!!
Syde Nauxte: I first laid eyes on Mean Mr when snerfing Fark’s Photoshop Mike Krzyzewski thingie. Sadly, the picture is no longer there, but the others are jonathan pryce-less, like this one

Life No S’Mores to Harold who played Harold in Kids. A few years back I saw him playing pool at Max Fish and I still felt sorry for him cause none of the chicks in Kids, even the ones with crazy mouth herpes, wanted to kiss him

What’s a Lebowski Fest without Edie McClurg playing the washboard? I dunno, but WE WUZ ROBBED!!

While peeps may be fawning over the choices of a Bond Grrrrl who openly shows her gina [NSFW], I say the major Kudos and Rice Krispies Treats should be reserved for casting Jeffrey Wright as CIA agent Felix Leiter. Here’s hoping he goes under(the)cover(s) with M

May the Gorillaz/Albarn stuff never end… and for those who hate to buy stuff, d-lode like the wind: Gorillaz – Live At Manchester 04/11/2005 (thats 11/4/05 to us idjiots) Recorded for BBC Radio 1

Who wrote the Olympic theme song? JWills, NO DOUBTZZLE [d-lode] Oh, yous like me and don’t care for dat one but the one NBC (and ABC) rocks? It’s called ‘Bugler’s Dream’, and, I guess, is known in wider circles as ‘Olympic Fanfare’ [d-lode]. Morse info herez

Faux lesbians, the bass of Sting, a pointless piano solo, and Batman’s Bat Cave. This can mean only one thing that’s not INVASION: t.A.T.u.’s ‘Friend or Foe’ video. Kinda a let down after the give us us hotness of ‘All About Us’, but hey, friends or fauxs, lezzies or ho’s, don’t make a difference to me, juss as long as the kissing commences!! And while Denmark is taking the heat off of France for being the chief jerkasses of Europe, the frogs are making the breast of the situation by making peace with this spread in their FHM [via tATu Girls]

‘Friend or Foe’ [d-lodes galore]

Mischa Barton’s Sort of Visible Nipples… not odd, considering her brother Falkor doesn’t wear pants

Mohammed Image Archive [via PopTarts]

PILLOW FIGHT!!!

Tom Wolfe’s next book? I Am Hot Jeremy [b-ware the audio via Cielloarmadillo]

Lucky Clovers

Play Monk’s Mind Game, drink at Monk’s in Philly, and send yer kid to Art Monk’s football camp, which I attended in 5th grade

SmokingHotWaitress.com [via Double V and their HOT Radio Waves]

Celebrities as Sports Stars!

100 Best First Lines from Novels

The Rifleman, that aint Chuck Connors/Person

Bleak House icons, but only thru episode 9!! I recommend the smallpoxed #20, cause smallpox is the new munch box!

TMNT Food Stuffs

Jean-Claude Van Damme Made Better

Why drive when you can ride a Fucker

Wienerwhistle

General Carbuncle

The Outhouses of America Tour [via IFOCE King]

The Song Tapper

VPF, his suits, and the things he stands in front of

My hero

and Paiging Mr Erection…

C’est WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!@?!#?%!!#
C’EST MANY-FEECK!!!

Welcome To Yer 20s
¡Meesa Barfon!

Now stop looking like yer 30, and play more croquet!! And damn that FALKOR, for he stole our sunshine [d-lode]!!!

The 2006 Bloggies BOO-ies, starring many a boo bazzles + the underground goodness that is YCMIU, and doves course, not us!! Bitter much? M’yes, but not as bitter has dem herbs during Passover. Maybe it has sum tang to do wit being #11 search result for ‘PAINT YOUR TITS.COM’???

Speaking of people who search for things like that, gay bashers who love tits (and Larry David) can finally rejoice: NSFW clips of Anne Hathaway AND Michelle Williams in Gay Cowboys: THE MOVIE, on the internets/webs!!!

Kids In The Hall, like Tony! Toni! Tone!, are doing it again! [via CRAP!]

Apple are the new Nickelback, cept they don’t copy themselves [via Mod Squad]

It so sad that I was juss learning how to m-bate around the time that Willa Holland and Saaya Irie were born

More Holland cheese that isn’t edam or gouda: TV Guide int + Countdown Clock on DakotaCountDown.com??!!? I still can’t bee leave people are counting down to Dakota’s age of ripeness. She’s like everyone’s perfect kid sister, kinda like Lisa Simpson, cept a lot hottier

Sometimes I wish I had the foresight of Rosanne Cash

With Ladytron westward bound and gagged for the end of April, you can book em dano for Coachella

Droopy Dog‘s finally got himself some spank material!

Does the title of your book got twat it takes to be a bestseller? Lulu’s Titlescorer KNOWS ALL! So who wants to publish my memoirs?

I think RANDOM House would be a good fit, eh?

What, a Walkmen Walkman wouldn’ta’been hip enuff? What if we reserved a square for it on the Hipster Bingo card? [via Leafy Greens]

Top 65 Music Videos of 2005 [via Korean Grosser]

Kazakhstanis Against Borat

The one, the only, the IFOCE video montage

Vintage Vantage’s Top Shelf… what, there weren’t any fat people who wore cool threads in the 70s/80s? And me donts thinks $234 clams is too much to pay when Burger Chef memories are on the line!! Yes, BURGER CHEF [beware audio]!!!

Could possib-drew-bly be better than The Man

Go-Go Boots.com’s Photo Gallery

Celebs sing + ads rock!

Bidders beware of fake Cliff Engle sweaters, and fake dog poop. What ‘fake dog poop’?

Mozzy likes it!

I spit you not, but yesterday, a bum on the subway smelled eggzactly like a freshly opened bag of salt and vinegar chips

And to take the stink straight of outta yer mouth from this snapple of KK, HRT the V, givin us the sassy takin a dump face, Strut magazine has blessed us with this slut tazazine!!

Pee es- PHOTOSHOP ME!!! IN HISTORY, like with Charlemagne or Charles In Charge!!! Email ent-trees here!